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Woman Unsure How To Tell Her BFF That She’s Been Living And Sleeping With Her BFF’s Dad For Months


A 20-year-old woman realized her secret relationship could seriously jeopardize her friendship with her bestie.

Redditor ThrowRA_SB is struggling with this dilemma and turned to the “Relationship Advice” subReddit for some help.

She asked:

“How Can I (20F) Tell My BFF (20F) That I’m Sleeping With Her Father (46 M[ale]) And Not Lose Them Both?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So let me start by saying that I’m not 100% sure how any of this happened.”

“Backstory: When I was a little kid, my [piece of sh*t] (POS) parents got divorced and I ended up with my POS mother and we moved back to her home state and somehow managed to live with my grandparents who were not POS people.”

“I was thrown into a school with total strangers and I was given mountains of sh*t for ‘talking funny’ because I was born and raised in the South and was now living in New England.”

“The first person to decide to be nice to me and be my friend was Kate (not her real name). Kate quickly became my BFF and we have been BFFs ever since.”

“Because my mom is an awful piece of human garbage I spent as much time as possible with Kate and her family over the years. Not only was I accepted by them but eventually I started to look at them as the family I always thought a family should be.”

“By High School I was calling Don and Joan (Kate’s parents, also not real names) ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ respectively. They always welcomed me into their home. I always had food, a place to stay, you name it.”

“They even took me with on a couple of family vacations. I love this family with all my heart.”

“The story takes a turn for the strange in 2018 when, after Kate and I graduated High School and Don & Joan had no more kids in the house as they were all on their own or in college, Joan decided to come out of the closet as a lesbian, admit to an affair that had lasted the entire time they were married and file for a divorce.”

“I’m sure you can imagine that Don, Kate, her brothers, and well everybody, was devastated!”

“Kate went off to college (in California) and neither of her brothers were around and so Don was kind of on his own.”

“Since I wasn’t going to further my education and basically stay in town I promised my BFF to make sure her dad was okay. Look in on him often. All that.”

“Well, I tried community college and that didn’t work out but I got lucky and my grandma pulled in a favor and got me a job as a teller in one of the local banks so I was at least somewhat productive in society. I’d call Don and text him a few times to check on him but things got crazy last summer.”

“I literally ran into him at the grocery store one afternoon after work. I saw what he was buying and it made me super sad. It was like all the ‘single bachelor tropes’ all in one!”

“So, being the good BFF that I am, I insisted that Don buy some actual food and that I’d go over to his place after work on Friday and make him a home-cooked meal.”

“I’ve been cooking since I was young (I kind of had to learn) and we both agreed that he needed it.”

“So Friday came around and I went over and cooked him a nice Chicken Parmesan dinner, we had fun visiting for a bit and I went home feeling good about myself. We agreed to do this every week.”

“The next week, after dinner, he asked if I’d stay for a bit and hang out. So we fired up XFinity On Demand and got cozy on the couch. I don’t know exactly what lead this next part to happen but it happened.”

“Maybe it was the love scene in what we were watching. I don’t know. All I know is that he seemed super lonely and I felt bad for him so I initiated things and gave him head.”

“When I left that night, things were a little awkward but we decided to continue our Friday dinner tradition. The next week, after the movie, he asked if I could stay around a little longer. I ended up staying the night.”

“That was when we first had sex.”

“Friday Night Dinner became Friday Night Dinner And Sex and that lasted another 8 or 9 weeks. Then we started being more open about what we were doing.”

“Going out to eat during the week. Going to a movie or shopping. All that stuff, despite a lot of people we know giving us the side-eye for it.”

“All the while I was keeping everything a secret from Kate. My BFF.”

“Fast forward to [the pandemic] and that, combined with my lack of ability to judge friends well, resulted in my roommates bailing on me and leaving me on the hook for our entire apartment.”

“I got lucky in that our landlord let me out of the lease but that put me in a spot. I was going to have to move back in with my POS mother.”

“I was desperate to avoid that and then Don stepped in and saved me (kind of): he asked me to move in with him.”

“I did and we’ve been living as a couple ever since.”

“Recently, Don has stopped using a condom when we have sex and he’s asked me to quit taking birth control, too. He says he wants to marry me and start a family and the whole deal and now I’m wondering HOW THE F*CK DO I TELL KATE ABOUT THIS?!?”

“I love Kate on so many levels and I don’t want to lose her but I’m terrified that she’ll be mad. I don’t know if I can give up Don to keep Kate, though.”

“I do know that I’d die a little inside if I stayed with Don and that ruined his relationship with his daughter, though.”

“I know this is a ‘you want your cake and eat it, too’ moment but what’s the point of having the cake if you can’t eat the f*cking thing?”

“Please, someone, ANYONE, give me some idea about how to proceed? Please?”

Many predicted that her friendship with Kate was doomed.

“Bruh, this is mad disgusting. Kate is not going to take this well.”

“Most people would not take their friends f’king their parents well at all. This is a man you called ‘dad.'”

“How do we get to father-daughter type relationship to wanting to f’k, marry, and have kids? Your friendship is gonna be over.” – Vast_Lecture

“Regarding you guys banging and what not to be honest that didn’t bother me if u both enjoy it, but the fact he’s wanting to get you pregnant is a big nope.”

“You are young, and if you are just having fun and you initiated it whatever I’m not much of a ageist.”

“A baby with this man is not something you can just walk away from easily when you realize that if you stay with this man in 20 ish years you’ll be 38 and having to plan on starting to take care of him. Is that what you really want?” – DerpaDerpa4

“This is going to destroy Kate. You can find another man, she only has one father.”

“You’re so young, you have many years to find someone to settle down with.”

“This seems like an absolute shitshow of a relationship. Please stay on birth control. Please don’t bring a child into this situation.” – IntroductionWitty

“No matter how beautifully you tell her about this. She ain’t going to be your bff anymore cause now you’ll  be her step mom.”

“And sure your intentions were good at the beginning. With you and HER DAD! Being a couple and trying for a kid. Yeah this friendship cannot be salvaged.”

“Now what you can do. And I would really recommend this cause you are happy with her dad, I guess? Is that once this covid situation normalizes. And she can come over. Or you both can go to her college. You both need to tell her in somewhere private so she has enough space to react.”

“Do understand she’ll need her space and won’t want to talk to either you or her dad. Please don’t force her.” – transferstuden

“I would absolutely stop seeing the Dad and seek therapy. There is a worry some reason behind the facts that: You are with someone that is your Dad.”

“He is over twice your age.”

“You justified your actions (giving a BJ), by saying it was out of pity because you felt bad he was lonely.”

“I really don’t know which point is more scary, but I would definitely cut ties and seek help for this toxic behavior before it ruins your life and self worth any more than it has. You may not realize it, but these behaviors are not positive behaviors in the least.”

“I am glad you are seeking outside perspective and can only hope you get the help you need.” – DirtyJerz884

In a separate post, the OP gave an update.

“So, I was awake late into the night after making the post and reading everyone’s comments. I appreciate everyone who weighed in with something other than reminding me that I’m a horrible, f’ked-up piece of sh*t as a person.”

“I had come to that conclusion on my own but it was nice to have it verified. So, thanks.”

She continued:

“I want to get better.”

“The day after posting I was visibly bothered by deep thoughts at work and one of my coworkers was concerned and asked me about what was bothering me. So… I told her the whole story.”

“Together we looked into if my insurance would cover therapy. It does and even with [the virus] making it a video-chat-only kind of deal I started yesterday at lunch (Tuesday the 21st).”

“I decided to GTFO of the situation as well. I moved out of the house this past weekend and into a spare room that one of my coworkers offered for me to use until I can get some money together to relocate once the pandemic ends and I can get a transfer to a different branch.”

“Hopefully out of state. This is awkward and life just took a crazy turn but I’m told that getting through this mess that I made will make me a better person in the end.”

“I spent Friday night down at the shore at my grandpa’s house so I could be somewhere that I love and feel safe at for the next part:”

“I called Kate.”

“It went like anyone would expect. No lies. Worst conversation I’ve ever had. I told her when it was all said and done that I wasn’t expecting her to ever forgive me as I don’t know if I deserve it.”

“She knows that I’m not there anymore and I’m going to try my hardest to put as much distance as possible between me and her family ASAP.”

“I ended the call by telling her that I won’t be initiating contact any more. I’m going to give her all the space and time that she needs, even if that means I’ll never talk to her again.”

“I really do love her more than life itself and I hope that we can eventually recover but I doubt we will.”

“This is my own fault and I’m trying to take accountability, here.”

“Thanks for the input, everybody.”

As expected, Don was disappointed.

“Don wasn’t happy with the whole thing and asked if there was anything he could do to change my mind.”

“I haven’t seen him or talked to him since I got my stuff out of his house, though. I’m kind of afraid to.”

Redditors reacted positively to her decision.

“You have nothing to fear, he may intimidate but by your description he’s just a lonely and ineffectual man approaching his 50s — dissatisfied with his life.”

“He may beg, but if you stand firm you’ll leave without a hair on your head harmed.”

“Also, don’t let anyone tell you that you did wrong when it comes to his age, his relation to your friend… yeah… that’s a different story.”

“But you’re in your 20 — this is the period of your life to experiment and make mistakes, so be proud that you tried something few did and also be proud that you ended it early on your terms.” – Kenji_03

“You did the right thing. He should be able to find someone to have a healthy relationship.”

“Yours was doomed since the beginning and he was playing the lonely card. There’s no excuse for him and worse to ask you to stop your birth control.”

“He was not doing it with good intentions and I think you have escaped in the right time. Don’t engage with him.”

“Marriages break all the time and relationships end and it’s not the end of the world. It was his responsibility to learn how to take care of himself.” – Sayale_mad

For those who were wondering how Kate took the news, the OP said:

“She thought that I was joking at first. A really sick joke, sure, but a joke just the same.”

“Kate was super hurt and confused by the whole thing. She’s really angry with both me and her dad, of course. I understand that.”

“I also understand that if she can find it in her heart to forgive me she will but I’m not going to make it difficult on her by trying to force the issue. I’m not initiating contact with her until she reaches out first.”

While Redditors weren’t convinced her friendship with Kate was salvageable, they hoped the OP would be able to recover from all of this and move on with her life.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo