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Mom Won’t Let Her Kids Have Individual Birthday Parties Since They Were All Born In Same Month

Close-up of multi-colored cake slice on table during birthday party.
Klaus Vedfelt/GettyImages

Even when people have more than enough money, it can still cause problems.

Sometimes, the problem is the relationship to money itself.

When that issue is left unexamined it can fester and create stress down the line.

There is nothing wrong with being frugal, but one does like to splurge a bit here and there.

Especially if one has some extra to splurge with.


Redditor Consistent-Visit9062 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for wanting to celebrate my kid’s birthdays individually?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My wife and I have three kids, and we both have very well-paying careers.”

“We pull in $300K between the both of us.”

“Both cars are paid off, no crazy bills, and money is set aside for the future.”

“My wife does not want to celebrate the individual birthdays for the three of the kids because they all happen to be within a month of each other.”

“I’m kind of ok with having one big birthday, but I told her we should still take them out to eat on their actual birthday, do a fun dessert and gifts.”

“She rolls her eyes at me, says I’m over the top, and gets real shi**y.”

“Keep in mind, she gets super spoiled for her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day.”

“I did grow up super poor, never got to celebrate birthdays or special holidays because the money was never there.”

“I’ve worked super hard to have what I consider a pretty awesome life, and I want to make all of my kids feel super special on their birthdays.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“Am I wrong for wanting to take them out to eat on their actual birthday?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Hard NTA, but your wife sure is!”

“Even if you didn’t make her special days a big production, validating and celebrating your children as individuals is a very important thing to do as a parent, regardless of how close or far apart their birthdays are.”

“The fact that you make plenty of money is almost immaterial to this; it’s merely an insult to injury because frugality can’t be a reasonable excuse.”

“If your wife still disagrees, feel free to show her these comments!”

“Or she can go to her coworkers and friends and say her ‘friend’ doesn’t want to celebrate her children’s individual birthdays and watch as said ‘friend’ is torn to shreds by her peers.” ~ JohnStalvern

“Or rather than being passive-aggressive, the wife throws a party for the three of them, then OP takes them out to eat on their individual birthdays, just the two of them.”

“Special memories and wife has to decide whether she is going to cave in and also eat dinner out.” ~ Peaceful-Spirit9

“We had 4 birthdays in a week, my dad, my daughter, myself, and my mom.”

“Growing up my dad usually got his birthday dinner and cake postponed a couple of months until the weather was better.”

“He would comment at some point that he was ready for his birthday dinner and cake and mom would make it.”

“I got a cake and dinner of my choice, and my mom always got taken out to dinner.”

“When my daughter came along, we shared a cake when she was very little, before school age.”

“At some point, I decided that I would postpone my birthday dinner for a couple of weeks because it didn’t feel like my birthday if I was cleaning the house and organizing a kid’s party.”

“Your kids should definitely get to celebrate their own day, though if they want something like going to a theme park, that would make sense to combine.”

“But choosing dinner and being celebrated on their birthday isn’t over the top.” ~ cashewkowl

“I don’t think OP was asking for three parties.”

“It was one party for all and then individual nice dinners out for each.”

“If mom doesn’t agree with that she certainly doesn’t have to participate.” ~ heynonnynonnomous

“I’m curious, too. Planning 3 big to-dos in such a short span would frazzle me.”

“I was also thinking the invitees would be mostly the same at each and they’d be put out to attend 3 events in that same time period.”

“So, sure, go ahead and throw one big event to celebrate the kids but definitely have a special, albeit small, celebration on their individual birthdays.”

“Dine out or order in, just the family, have some cake, sing- acknowledge the actual birthdate.”

“OP is definitely NTA but I feel like I’m missing something.” ~ Nortex_Vortex

“If the kids only get one day and have to share it, then she should only get one day and also have to share it.”

“No more splurging on her for Christmas, birthday, AND Mother’s Day.”

“She should get the exact treatment that she thinks is so fair to her children.”

“Stingy people like her deserve to get the cheapest treatment available so they can see how they make the people around them feel, worthless.”

“If she gets the point, good.”

“If not, then her greed is stronger than her love for her family.”

“Meanwhile, do what you can for your kids.”

“They may appreciate actually getting some individual recognition and special treatment for once.” ~ Fluffy_Sheepy

“NTA. Unless they were born on the same date, which I guess they weren’t, then they should be celebrated individually.”

“It’s basically saying to a child I don’t care about you enough to through an individual party your just gonna get lumped together with your siblings.” ~ REDDIT

“Even kids born on the same date deserve individual special treatment for their birthday.”

“Sure I get celebrating multiple birthdays at once if you’re going to some crazy expensive restaurant or if you’re doing some kind of birthday party place, but birthdays are so special for kids.”

“You don’t have to throw individual huge parties but letting each kid have a special dinner of their own is the bare minimum here. NTA.” ~ IamtheRealDill

“My friend has kids with the same birthday.”

“She has a family party for both of them and then they each have their own kid party with their friends.” ~ feelingmyage

“My brother was born on my sister’s birthday and my parents always bent over backward to give them each their own unique birthday.”

“The main reason birthdays are so important to kids is that they get to be special.”

“It’s a big deal for someone with so little control over their own life to get to have all the attention and care they want.”

“Grouping birthdays together too much robs the kids of that feeling.” ~ AQuixoticQuandary

“Lazy maternal parenting.”

“Imagine being a kid and finding out your own mother can’t be bothered to celebrate the very day you were born–that it’s all such an inconvenience because your siblings were born within the same month and you all already had a party.”

“(Mom: (sigh) Another birthday. (sigh)).”

“That would be some damaging info to process for a kid.”

“Kids don’t do convenience.”

“They just know it’s their birthday and mom is like, ‘Whatever.'”

“If selfish, lazy mom doesn’t step up, I hope thoughtful generous dad will.”

“Time for the family to back off on her special days.”

“See if she sings the same tune when she’s not treated with special attention on ‘her days.'” ~ Cosmicdusterian

“NTA. Those are your kids too so if she doesn’t want to participate then take your kids out, get them gifts, and make them feel individually special!”

“She is being ridiculous.”

“You’re not wrong for wanting to give your kids everything you never had.”

“Way to go, DAD!” ~ DarkAngel_DA

“NTA. Go ahead and celebrate your children’s birthdays individually with them.”

“Your wife can stay home if she doesn’t want to participate, but she really can’t stop you.” ~ tatersprout

“Your kids are 3 individual people, not one big entity called ‘child’ – please celebrate them as people, the way your wife does for herself.”

“You are NTA, not sure what your wife’s issue is but I’m going to reach for ‘all that extra work’ (x3) instead of x1 event.” ~ Jay-Dee-British

“NTA. Even if you just did something special for each of them on their day at home it would be better than this.”

“Wife needs a little reality check.”

“Maybe withhold some special s**t for her next birthday and roll your eyes when she complains.” ~ Thedudeabides470

“Totally NTA. Individually celebrating the kids is very important.”

“No idea why your wife doesn’t want to.” ~ AgnarCrackenhammer

“NTA – take the kids out without your wife then if she wants to be a party pooper.” ~ jrm1102

“NTA! If they are not twins or triplets, then there is no point in having one big birthday.”

“Especially if they have varying age groups.”

“Even some twins don’t like to share a birthday party.”

“By having a single birthday party, your wife is robbing them of their individual experiences, which I feel is unfair.”

“You should make sure your wife has separate birthday parties for each one of them.”

“And if she doesn’t want to take the initiative then maybe you should.” ~ BoredofB

“NTA. Ask kids what they prefer – one big celebration or 3 separate ones if you really care about them.” ~ forgeris

“NTA. Throwing three birthday parties all within a month of each other is understandably not really desirable or practical.”

“One combined party + three individual smaller celebrations is perfectly reasonable.”

“Your wife being so against it just seems kind of mean.” ~ andromache97

“NTA. Tell her she can share her birthday on the same day as the kids then.” ~ Fwoggie2

“NTA – With birthdays all close together, I can understand wanting to do things like one birthday party for all of them where the extended family and friends are invited.”

“But to not even want to acknowledge their individual birthdays with something as simple as a dinner out or something is ridiculous.” ~ LelandHeron

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It’s a time for celebration.

There may be no need to be extravagant.

But if you have enough to do it a little something, then why not?

This could be leading to a deeper issue in her life to examine.

Go have fun!!