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Guy Balks After He’s Accused Of ‘Fetishizing’ His Brother’s New Asian Girlfriend Upon Meeting Her

Photo by Larm Rmah/Unsplash

As we continue in the midst of raised awareness of marginalized people, we are faced with many uncomfortable situations.

People are learning, and re-learning what is and is not appropriate on a daily basis.

Case in point…

A Redditor wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for making people at the table ‘uncomfortable’?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So I’m (20 M[ale]), a single dude living with my parents still. I have a job and everything, and I plan to move out soon.”

“My brother (25 M) has obviously already moved out and has his own place. He has had several girlfriends for the past 6 years since he moved on.”

“Plenty of times I thought he found ‘the one’ but didn’t.”

“But recently I found out he’s really in love with his new girlfriend Hana. As you couldn’t already tell from her name, Hana is of Japanese descent.”

“I was really curious to see what she looked like, as I have a personal preference for Asian women. It’s nothing creepy, I just like how they look.”

“My brother said to just meet her in person and said that I’d ‘really like her’.”

“My brother came over to introduce Hana to me and my parents. And man, Hana was absolutely beautiful.”

“Long hair and nice skin. my brother absolutely scored. I was friendly to her right away.”

“My dad cooked us a feast as a way to get together and also to know Hana better. Hana shared a lot about herself.”

“She shared about her childhood and how she was bullied for being Asian, and as a result felt insecure about her looks.”

“My mother talked about how Hana was a beautiful and kind young woman and they’re glad we met her.”

“I immediately agreed and went on a bit of a tangent: I talked about how it’s ridiculous anyone could bully you because you’re so beautiful.”

“Asian girls are one of the most beautiful women in the world, with their skin, eyes, and how they’re definitely the cutest type of women out there.”

“I pointed out I liked how short they were and how I love how most of them never have to worry about weight to maintain their appearance.”

“My brother kind of gave me a glare and Hana got up to excuse herself and said she needed to go to the bathroom.”

“My brother went after her. My mom and dad said I went completely overboard and most likely made her uncomfortable.”

“My brother came back saying that they’re leaving and they headed off.”

“The next day I got a text from my brother about how uncomfortable I made Hana, and how it seemed like I was ‘fetishizing’ her?”

“I found this ridiculous because I was just praising her and finding her beautiful.”

“He proceeded to call me a creep and said I was objectifying her, and I owed her an apology.”

“But I’ve literally been nothing but nice. I told my friends and they agreed with me that Hana reacted too sensitively.”

“But my parents agree with my brother that I should’ve apologized.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“YTA – you did fetishize her, I felt uncomfortable for her just reading your overview. I can’t imagine how awkward the actual conversation was.” ~ dizney_princess

“Yup, just reading that as a man gave me goosebumps. Yikes, I’m imagining Hana’s skin crawling as he went on that rant. YTA OP.”  ~ CrisirR

“Yup, as a female I felt bile rise up in my throat about halfway through the second paragraph.”

“OP is definitely fetishizing Asian women and has all the social awareness of a creepy uncle who tells you how nicely you’ve filled out when they haven’t seen you since before you hit puberty.”

“That’s the vibes I’m getting here.”

“Of course YTA. OP’s whole post makes me feel like I need to take a shower.”

“Poor Hana. I’m willing to bet this isn’t the first time she’s had to deal with crap like this from AH’s like OP.” ~ Mryessicahaircut

“YTA. You did fetishize Hana, and also stereo-typed all Asian women by describing ALL of them as being one way/shape/size.”

“Stereo-typing is demeaning, disrespectful, discriminatory, and just dumb.”

“Fetishizing Hana/Asian women is creepy and OP needs to check himself right now.”

“OP: re-read what you wrote in light of what everyone wrote here.”

“If you don’t agree with what everyone has written, then you have a big problem and truly are creepy and need to just stop it.” ~ sailingisgreat

“Dude, you weren’t supporting HER AS A UNIQUE PERSON, you were going on and on about ‘the perfection of ‘ALL Asian women’ as if they’re this homogeneous group that all confirm to some (obviously sexual) fantasy you have.”

“So, yeah, you racially stereotyped her/all Asian women and it was clearly on a sexual level.”

“That’s fetishizing. You need to do some reading and learn more and get better (less equally creepy and sexist) friends.”  ~ Fiotes

“Yes all of this!”

“Also, an unwanted compliment benefits only the giver vs the receiver.”

“OP what you said about your brother’s GF was not only not a personal compliment, but also really, it was all about you.”

“No one was asking what features YOU find attractive and so that isn’t complimentary to Hana, that’s just objectifying her because she happens to fall into the Asian stereotypes you fetishize.”

“YTA big time.” ~ theBeesHavanese

“YTA, but more importantly, you showed a lack of empathy in seeing things from her view.”

“You disregarded her experience because it didn’t jive with what you believed.”

“You literally marginalized her experience and trauma because you didn’t take the time to listen and process, from her point of view, what she was saying.” ~ Lorien6

Now we can’t be totally sure, but OP gave an update that could or could not be true.

Take a look…

This has honestly been the best troll I’ve ever done.”

“Most of you didn’t even call out that I was trolling. I’m so happy…”

“Thank you, everyone. By the way I actually am Asian and I wrote this up from my past experiences for the sh*ts and giggles.”

Hmmm, maybe.

Maybe we were all being tested to gauge our own prejudice.

Or maybe it got a little hot here so our OP threw a faux twist ending and deleted their account.

True or not, it certainly sparked a passionate response from all of you. And hopefully everyone can take a little learning from this post.

Words matter.