When tragedy strikes a loved one, timing is everything. During moments like that, it feels important to run everything we say or do through a filter.
We want to make sure nothing stirs the negative emotions that are sitting so close to the surface.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit, however, showed that not everyone grasps the subtlety.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted their account, laid it out in the post’s title.
“AITA for calling my sister insensitive when she announced her pregnancy when our brothers wife had a miscarriage”
OP led with the key incident that impacted the tone of everything.
“My brother and his wife had a miscarriage. They were clearly very upset.”
“They announced it over a dinner that they planned.”
OP was pretty surprised by what happened next.
“Our sister decided that she didn’t care and announced that she was pregnant.
“His wife went out crying and she was acting like she didn’t know why she was getting dirty looks.”
“Our brother became incredibly mad and kicked her out and she called me and was actually shocked that she got kicked out.”
But then OP got roped into the drama.
“I told her that she got kicked out for being an insensitive a** and she shouldn’t have been surprised.”
“Now she and her friends are pissed at me. She’s called me and our entire family an a**. She’s cut contact and she’s still denying the fact that she got kicked out for mentioning her pregnancy. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors were shocked by the story.
“NTA – your sister did that?!! And then she still doesn’t understand how big of an AH that she is?”
“My heart goes out to your brother and his wife.” — Inevitable-Mastodon1
“Wow. Huge NTA. I feel so sorry for your brother and SIL. A miscarriage is already difficult enough to go through. Your sister sucks, not gonna lie.” — psyclipe
“NTA how can a human being let alone a sister have absolutely zero empathy. It’s horrific and to not get that and double down after. She deserved her brother and SIL actually put her on no contact at this point.” — Careless_Mango
“NTA. That is truly a disgusting thing to do. Even if they had announced they were pregnant it would be entirely inappropriate because it was their night to share news with the family. A miscarriage is very upsetting to go through.”
“I can’t believe people like your sister exist. Truly, my mouth dropped reading this. Don’t concern yourself with what her friends think, they sound just as bad as her.” — raindrop349
Some simply couldn’t believe that OP’s sister would be so oblivious.
“NTA – It was their dinner that they scheduled to break the awful news.”
“I don’t know if it’s narcissism or just a lack of emotional maturity that has led your sister to believe that that was the perfect opportunity to announce her good news. Like don’t worry everyone, there’ll still be a baby, it just won’t be SIL’s?!?!” — airazaneo
“NTA. Big time a**hole move from your sister though. You would think that being pregnant herself, she would understand how devastating it would be to lose that child.”
“Even if she had planned to make the announcement that night, she could have easily kept her mouth shut.” — cheesewitch08
“NTA She just blatantly failed to interpret the obvious social cue. Insensitive is exactly how she was (is) acting, and quite frankly, your sister needs to grow up.” — SpungyBawb
“NTA, i would bet she did that on purpose to hurt your SILs feelings. have they had issues in the past? any person in their right mind would know that is incredibly inappropriate and just distasteful.”
“your sister has a right to be excited about her pregnancy, but she should’ve waited and hosted her own dinner to announce that after hearing about the miscarriage.” — sauceretin
A few even admired OP’s willingness to speak up.
“Finally! A normal family member ! You don’t know how happy I’m to read that you took your brother side against somebody so insensitive.”
“You did a great job and she was the ah all along. I understand being happy and wanting to say something to your family. But there’s a time and a place to do so and this dinner was not it.”
“Let her be alone in her own little world and focus on helping your brother and his wife. You are a great sister. NTA” — Gobadorgosleep
“NTA. At this point, I think your family should be good glad that your sister is cut contact. She obviously can’t think about anybody but her self, and that never ends well we’re family relationships are concerned.”
“Thank you for being there for your brother and sister-in-law.” — mtngrl60
And a few shared similar stories of their own.
“i feel this. My cousin announced a few days after my twins were discovered to have no heart beats in 2017 that she was having twins. I had to go into the hospital for a d & c and she was there at a scan.”
“I didnt know she was pregnant till i saw her….. she knew why i was there and still felt the need to tell me. She really should have told me at a later date about her news. Her twins were safely born and are 4 in november. I still resent her a little bit” — Acquta
“NTA at all. I feel for them. My SOs sister “announced” her “pregnancy and loss” (it was a false positive bc she takes these fertility shots and didn’t wait at all to take a test like her OB told her to) on FB after I had my ectopic diagnosed and was actively going through the miscarriage (methotrexate shot) after telling me to keep it to myself so I ‘didn’t have everyone in my business.’ “
“She didn’t see why I was pissed and didn’t talk to her for months, or tell her personally when I was pregnant again (that’s a whole other story and boy it’s a doozy.)”
“A miscarriage is a horrible thing no matter how it came about, and having someone else push to be the center of attention bc they think it doesn’t matter or they’re better than the person going through it is BS.” — pst_potato
Losing a child is devastating. There could have been more compassion shown in this situation.