With the world becoming more and more of a melting pot every day, assuming someone’s race or ethnicity is highly frowned upon.
But doubting someone after they tell who they are because it doesn’t match who you think they should be definitely crosses a line.
For Redditor TransportationOK1288, some rude comments about his family by his brother-in-law’s girlfriend recently boiled over into family drama, so he turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if he went too far, asking:
“AITA for berating and kicking out my BIL’s girlfriend after she said I am not my daughters’ father due to my race?”
The original poster (OP) explained his family’s racial makeup.
“Sorry for the convoluted title, but that was the clearest wording I could think of, also I am using a throwaway account.”
“My wife (27f[emale]) and I(29m[ale]) have been together for twelve years and have four children (6f,5f,4f,4f).”
“My wife is the SS’s wet dream (her words) when it comes to looks, she has blue eyes, blond hair, light skin.”
“I am African American (brown skin, curly hair), our daughters have tan skin, blue eyes, curly blond hair.”
But when the OP’s brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family, things quickly took a turn.
“My wife’s brother (29m) started dating this girl (30f) before [the pandemic] and yesterday he took her to our house to meet us.”
“I was playing with my children when my BIL’s girlfriend walked in and literally right when she saw me with my children, she pointed at me and told my wife ‘You didn’t tell me there would be a babysitter hare, where is your husband?'”
“Of course, I was f**king livid but I didn’t respond, not wanting to say something I would regret.”
Things only got worse when the girlfriend doubled down.
“My wife told her that I am her husband, but she just looked at my children, laughed, then said ‘that is pretty funny, but I mean your real husband.'”
“That broke the camel’s back and I slightly lost my temper, I berated her for around five minutes, calling her rude, racist, disrespectful, and so on.”
“My wife also called BIL’s girlfriend rude and we both told her she should leave.”
The resulting fallout has created some tension between the two pairs.
“This morning my BIL called me saying that I overreacted and that she was hurt by our accusation. Before he could go on, my wife snatched the phone from me and told her brother to f**k off, then hung up.”
“I knew I did slightly overreact and admit I did lose my temper, but she was extremely rude, especially being a guest. AITA?”
Redditors then gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They assured the OP that he was right to protect himself and his family from the girlfriend’s behavior.
“NTA She is rude, disrespectful and racist.”
“I could not imagine bringing a significant other to my sibling’s house, hearing them say anything within the realm of what she said to you, and not IMMEDIATELY dump that person.”—Wolfrose19th
“Exactly. And notice how she didn’t ask OP directly, but immediately talked to his wife?”
“She was being racist on purpose. She KNEW what she was doing.”—Gabby_Craft
“NTA, and honestly I wouldn’t call that an overreaction.”
“Her first comment was rude and insensitive, but her insistence that she was right and you couldn’t be the father was just outrageous and racist.”—ScalyLion
“NTA”
“Who is stupid enough to walk into someone’s house and start spouting off this BS?”—the-mirrors-truth
The girlfriend’s assumption that the OP was hired help raised some huge red flags.
“Massive NTA. First and foremost, it was extremely racist of her to assume you were the help rather than the husband and father to these children.”
“But secondly, even if you *weren’t* the father to the kids, when your wife said you were her husband this chick should have just dropped the subject, and assumed you were their stepdad or something.”—Operation_Timberwolf
“Yeah – even if it was a babysitter it was a pretty rude thing to say within ear shot.”
“Like even if you got it wrong why wouldn’t you come in and just like…say hello and introduce yourself to the person you thought was the sitter rather than talking about them like they are a piece of bloody furniture.”
“Also obvs nta”—lunchbox3
“THIS! I mean, generally racists have as much chance of being polite as anyone else, and it usually takes at least a few minutes to suss out that someone is racist.”
“But for her to put it out there with her first sentence is pretty shocking. NTA, OP, you and your wife did the right thing.”—usernaym44
Assuming anything at all about the OP who she’d never met wasn’t a good look.
“Yeah, why did she immediately assume sitter? If she wasn’t sure who he was isn’t the best thing to wait and be introduced?”
“Let’s say he wasn’t the husband, he could have been a friend, a house mate, a cousin, absolutely rude to just assume who he is.”
“And it does come off racist that she immediately assumed he was someone hired to work and not another guest if she made the mistaken assumption he wasn’t the family member.”—General_Consequence1
“The automatic assumption that a person of color is ‘the help’ is staggeringly racist. To then assume he’s not the biological father shows both gross stupidity about biology with added racism.”
“OP is definitely NTA for reacting angrily. I’m white and I’m outraged. I just don’t understand that kind of thinking.”—Far_Administration41
It really makes you wonder.
“How often is this girlfriend being lied to about bi racial couples when this is her first reaction to OP playing with his kids?”
“Only someone brain dead or racist could behave this way as a GUEST in YOUR HOUSE TO YOU and YOUR WIFE’S FACE.”
“NTA. Being treated racistly cannot make you the bad guy.”
“Question: Was she at the Capitol on Friday? Some people might want to speak to her.”—fear_nothin
We’re still waiting on an update from the OP, but he did edit his original post to say that he was going to be having a chat with his brother-in-law.
“*EDIT* My BIL just called me again a few minutes ago, I am going to call him back and see what he has to say (wife said I should just block him, but I’m curious).”
Hopefully it is a productive conversation.