One of the most sensitive and special decisions a parent will make is the name they will give to their child.
And other people can be incredibly opinionated about that decision, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
After growing up in the foster care system, Redditor CulturalInappropriat wanted to honor a mentor who had meant a great deal to him during that time.
But when his family voiced concerns about naming his baby a name from another culture, the Original Poster (OP) was taken aback.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for giving my child a 'culturally inappropriate' name?"
The OP made one special connection during his time in foster care.
"I am Black, and my wife is also Black. I spent most of my childhood in the foster care system, but for a good part of it, I was taken care of by an elderly Russian gentleman (we'll call him Dimitri Petrovitch)."
"While he never formally adopted me, he played a major role in my upbringing, and I am very grateful for all that he has done for me."
"Unfortunately, he passed away many years ago, and he never had any children."
The OP wanted to do something to honor his mentor's memory.
"Fast forward to today, my wife and I recently had a son."
"To honor the memory of my mentor, I decided (with my wife's approval) to name my kid Dimitri Petrovitch Williams, Williams being my last name, and Petrovitch being my son's middle name."
"However, it seems like it's only my wife and I like this name, as her extended family has been quite upset over it, saying things like, 'What kinda name is Dimitri?' and 'You ain't white, you ain't Russian, why did you give your son such as a white name?'"
The OP was shocked at the response from family and friends.
"It's true that there's no part of me that's Russian (and I barely speak Russian), but I feel like he's been such a big part of my upbringing that I had to honor him somehow."
"I confided in my friends too, and they said something along the lines of, 'You a Black man, and you gotta be proud of your own culture. You gave your son an identity that he's not even a part of, he's gonna have a hard time in school with that name.'"
"So my wife's family isn't happy with our decision, and it seems like my friends don't really have my back either."
"I'm keeping the name, that's for sure, but should I have reconsidered? Maybe I could've honored my mentor in another way?"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought what the OP and his wife did was an incredible gesture.
"Eastern European here, with a cousin Dimitri. We call close family friends Uncle, this man you describe is definitely an Uncle. Doesn't matter if he isn't related by blood. He's family. It's a family name."
"It's a beautiful name and it's lovely you're honoring Uncle this way. NTA, and it's wonderful that you are honoring his/our culture this way as well."
"Best of luck with your sweet baby!" - mimimart
"The connections one makes as a child, especially growing up in the foster system, are sometimes the only tangible things they get to hold onto. Good on OP and his wife for naming their child after the one constant in OP's life."
"Hey OP, NTA. If any of your family needs a kick in the pants, so to speak, direct them to this post. You are not the a**holes, but they certainly are." - peppy_dee1981
"Family isn't just the people related to you by blood. The people who nurtured you along your journey, rejoiced in your successes, and gave you a soft place to land when you hit low points are family, too."
"OP, you called this man 'uncle.' He obviously cared for and about you, and naming your child after him is a beautiful way to keep him alive in spirit."
"Also, names have always crossed cultures. I'm Indian, and my husband is Jewish. My son's middle name is Irish because he's named after a relative whose name was 'Ellis Island-ized' when he emigrated from Eastern Europe 120 years ago."
"It makes perfect sense to me that your son's name is Dimitri. Rock on!" - DollyTheFirefighter
"You know the saying, 'Blood is thicker than water'? No no no, the real one. 'The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,' yeah, that's the one."
"The bonds you choose are stronger than the ones you are born into. 'Dimitri' may have been some of the best family you had. NTA." - ___UWotM8
"Dimitri raised OP and shared his culture with him. Heritage is about more than genetics. It's shaped by the people in our lives and the places that we live." - TinyLlamasWithBooze
"Definitely NTA. You honored an honorable man who helped shape and form your life, morals, and ethics."
"And also: IT'S YOUR CHILD. NAME THEM WHATEVER YOU DEEM APPROPRIATE. Kanye named his children what again?" - Jeanne_Hollow
"For what it's worth, growing up I knew two boys named Dimitri, and both of them were Black. I know that was likely a placeholder name, but still."
"The name may not be, broadly speaking, part of Black culture (at least according to your in-laws; I'm not Black, so I don't want to overstep saying what is or is not Black culture), but it's part of your personal history and culture, and that matters, too."
"Absolutely NTA." - Hedgiwithapen
"NTA. It's not culturally inappropriate. You found a name you like, plain and simple. You didn't do it for any other reason except pay respect to a man who helped you become the man you are."
"It seems to me your families just want to make it a race-related thing. One of the worst kinds of racism, where race identity is so ingrained that to be unique or yourself is an act against one's own race. The kind of racism that makes a man question if he appropriated the name of his child."
"That poor child's extended family look down at him over his name, not dream of the great man he can be."
"You are showing a child that race or name doesn't make you who you are, it's about the positive influences you keep around you. With a story like that he's got a lot of positive influence with him." - DeletedZombie
Others didn't understand why the people in the OP's life were so upset.
"Black woman here. I went to school with a few black Dmitris (although they usually spelled it differently) and at least one Demetrius, so I don't understand what the big deal is." - roseofjuly
"I grew up in the southern US and variations of the name Dimitri/Demetrius/etc were pretty common for Black guys. Maybe it's not a 'culturally' Black name, but he certainly won't get teased at school for it." - philaselfia
"I live in the deep south in a heavily Black populated community and the only people I've ever met with the name Dimitri were Black males. I always thought it was a culturally 'Black' name." - button-stick
"NTA. I am glad I'm not the only one. My friend said, 'You're white, your wife is Hispanic, and you gave your son a Black name.'"
"It's actually Omar, so we get a lot of comments about the Arabic roots of the name, too."
"Be proud, my friend, you honor a great man and that is all a name has to be. If your son turns out like him, you would be happy, right?" - tuppensforRedd
"NTA. The ONLY people you need to please are you and your wife. Trust me, any name you pick will upset somebody."
"The name you chose has deep personal meaning. Don't allow anyone to rob you of such a lovely chance to honor your family and pass a genuine symbol of love and support to your child."
"It's a great name, by the way." - azazel-13
"Well, wasn't that person ignorant."
"There are a lot of Arabic names in Spanish since the Moors conquered Spain and they came into common use."
"Like Fatima can be a common Hispanic name. It's the name of Khadija's daughter, first wife of Mohammed, and supposedly also his daughter. Not to mention the surname Medina, which, hello, is the city Mohammed fled to."
"NTA." - ThePeasantKingM
"Bruh. I've talked to other Asian friends who have the same freaking reaction. And I don't mean like south Asian but easy Asian."
"Your name isn't Kennedy. What's your real name? What's your Asian name?"
"And it's like bruh. I am the third f*cking generation. I was raised here and my parents mostly were too. My name is Bob. That's it. Just Bob." - iRedditPhone
"I'm a Hispanic with an Irish first name and my mom got the same grief mostly from my dad's side. 'You're not white so why are you giving her that name?!' and 'She's not going to know her Hispanic roots now!'"
"It didn't matter that my middle name is very Hispanic. NTA." - GoodQueenFluffenChop
"NTA, you didn't give your son a 'white' name or a 'Russian' name; you named him after a man who was good to you and who loved you."
"I think that's beautiful, and long as you and your wife are happy, that's all that matters! Make sure your son knows where his name came from and why it's important!" - maimee78
The subReddit was left shaking their heads at the reactions the OP and his wife were receiving from their family and friends over the name they'd chosen for their baby.
At the end of the day, they had chosen a name that was meaningful to their family, and as long as it was important to them, it would be important to their baby, no matter what others had to say about it.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.