We've likely all known someone who, once they achieved a certain status in their workplace, made that their entire personality.
In some cases, it might be all they seem to be able to talk about, but for others, it's clearly pride to a fault, discerned the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor hometowncrowd1 was perplexed when their partner insisted that everyone in their social circles refer to him as "Doctor" at all times.
But when he went so far as to accuse his partner of "enabling" their family members by not backing him up and insisting they refer to him as "Doctor," the Original Poster (OP) was really at a loss.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for 'letting' my family and friends disrespect my boyfriend by calling him by his first name?"
The OP was confused about a particular hang-up their boyfriend had.
"My boyfriend (32 Male) is a doctor. I met him through my dad back when we were traveling."
"After we started dating, he started coming over to my hometown to visit."
"When I introduced him to my family and friends, I told them his full name, then his occupation, and then mentioned the other stuff, like age and hometown, etc."
"It was all good until months later when he started complaining about my family and friends referring to him by his 'first name' and not putting 'Dr' before it."
"I found this strange. I told him that's his professional title but as a society, we use first names and nicknames, etc."
"He said he can't help but feel annoyed, especially considering that 'these people' don't know him well, but it's been 8 months."
"He said once we're married or engaged, then they can start referring to him using his first name, but not until then."
But their boyfriend continued to insist.
"Recently he started correcting them whenever my friends or family call him by his name."
"His tone becomes aggressive, and then he goes on a long lecture about how they should put 'Dr' before mentioning his name."
"It became exhausting, because my friends and family can't understand his strange hang-up, and he keeps picking fights with them about it."
It led to an argument with the OP's family.
"Last night, we were visiting my parents, and my dad called him 'Justin' instead of 'Dr. Justin.'"
"My boyfriend started arguing with him, which caused a huge fight in the house, and we ended up leaving."
"In the car, he went off on me, saying I'm letting family and friends disrespect him continually by letting them call him by just his name."
"I told him he was at fault here and he was being unreasonable because what he's expecting is bizarre."
"He said he takes pride in his profession and that he sacrificed so much to get where he is today, and my family and friends literally lose nothing if they respect his wishes."
"He called me an enabler and said that siding with them paints me in a bad light and advised me to step up and take a stand but again, I thought he was overreacting and being hostile for no reason."
The OP was unsure what to do.
"We got home and he shut me down and refused to speak to me."
"Mom called me later and we talked a bit."
"Today he's gone completely radio silence, but the look on his face is telling."
"We don't have anyone who's a doctor in the family or friend groups, but we know for certain that we don't use people's professional titles all the time when addressing them, especially not people we have a relationship with."
"I don't understand how my family and I are offending him. He is choosing this as his hill to die on apparently."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some found the boyfriend to be pretentious.
"Absolutely NTA. If bf legitimately doesn't understand this distinction, and isn't just being pretentious:"
"You use people's professional titles at work. I refer to my physician as 'Doctor' when I go into an appointment; I would refer to my professors as 'Professor' in class; if I ever went to court, I would call the judge 'Your Honor.'"
"It's not reasonable to expect your friends and family, or your partner's friends and family, to refer to you this way. They are friends and family, not your patients, students, or coworkers. It's so strange that he would want his girlfriend's parents to speak to him like they are his patients." - redrosehips
"NTA."
"Half of my doctor friends don't even make their profession known in a social setting. One of my Dr friends always responds to the question, 'What do you do?' with 'As little as possible.' It makes people laugh and strangely people don't press her for more than that."
"People as a group view even doctors they don't know in a open social setting as free medical advice. It doesn't matter if you're asking a gynecologist about a mole. Or a podiatrist about your hair loss. So I find a lot of doctors don't start with, 'Hey, look at me, I'm a doctor!'" - KPinCVG
"No, not reasonable."
"I've been the daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, and exfiancé of doctors."
"Not once, have they ever wanted to be called 'Dr. Name.' In fact, if not working, they'd all prefer to have as little attention on their career as possible." - sweetsundays
"I work in a medical practice and my favorite doctor doesn't even call himself Dr. Lastname or Dr. Firstname in the clinical setting!!"
"He calls the patients back himself rather than having his scribe do it. And he always, always says, 'Hey, nice to meet ya, I'm Jon Lastname,' when it's a new patient."
"I don't think I've ever heard him refer to himself as Dr. Name unless he's doing dictation over the phone."
"OP's boyfriend is totally full of himself." - sqbids
"I have a doctor in my friend group and we occasionally call him 'Dr FirstName' as a term of endearment but never every time or out of deference. This is cringe." - Iridel05
"Does his mom have to call him Dr., too??"
"This guy needs an ego check severely. If they're not your patients, and you're not at work, or in a situation where someone would usually call you Dr., no one has to call you Dr." - MrSadfacePancake
Others thought it was time to end the relationship if he continued to treat people this way.
"God complex is not an uncommon trait in doctors (not saying they all have that, but it's not uncommon either). He is super full of himself."
"I can't imagine dating someone or even being friends/acquaintances with someone who insisted by being called doctor in a social setting." - Chance-Ad-9952
"The divorce rate in doctors is extremely high because they develop a God complex and treat everyone as beneath them."
"In my opinion, you should save some time and heartache. He's showing you his true colors, just walk away." - Penelope_Eckert
"Speaking as a child of a doctor who insists that EVERYONE in ALL situations needs to address him as DR. XYZ, the OP's boyfriend is a narcissist."
"My dad is also a grade A narcissist who uses his title and education to put everyone else down and is a divorcee. He's a freaking nightmare, hence why I don't talk to him anymore." - madmaxwashere
"My parents are both doctors, and not once did they ask my then-boyfriend, now-husband to call them Dr. FirstName."
"And all their friends call them by their first names, and that's how they introduce themselves. By their first names, not Dr. FirstName." - Writer-Unlikely
"Your boyfriend thinks he's better than you and your family, and by insisting on his 'title' is literally lording himself over you all."
"Is this who you want to be partnered with? He absolutely does not see you as his equal." - Lilitu9tails
"Your boyfriend is extremely narcissistic. I get becoming a Dr is a lot of hard work, expensive, and something someone should be proud of."
"However, he's a narcissist and gaslighting you by turning it around on you by calling you an enabler."
"You'd be better off finding a real man that knows how to treat you with love and respect, cuz he isn't it." - Wolf-Pack85
"I am a Dr, my husband is a Dr, and I work with about 100 other Drs. We are all Ph.Ds, and the only people who refer to themselves as Dr are the newbies who are so impressed with themselves that they don't realize that it isn't that great of a distinction."
"The only people who have called me Dr (first name) is my mother as she was very proud and those people who were trying to joke or tease."
"What your partner wants us not normal. He wants to look down on everyone else by making them acknowledge his accomplishments and never nodding to anyone else's."
"You should consider your relationship especially if he is giving you the silent treatment. That is never the foundation of a solid relationship." - Drtennis13
The subReddit completely understood the OP's confusion and agreed that what the boyfriend was asking for was not only over-the-top narcissistic behavior but simply unrealistic.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.