Your boyfriend's mother not liking you because they think you're not good enough for their son is unfortunately an all too common situation.
But for one person on Reddit, their boyfriend's mother took things to a startlingly cruel extent--sticking them in coach for a family vacation instead of first class like the rest of the family, because of their blue collar background.
They weren't sure about how they handled things, so they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username NoTGoingThank on the site, asked:
"AITA for refusing to get on a flight?"
They explained:
"My boyfriend's parents paid for them, my boyfriend's siblings and their SO to all go on a flight to Cabo for spring break. Becky his mom hasn't seem to like me for some reason she always makes snide remarks about my parents blue collar jobs and my field is nursing."
"We get to the airport and Becky got 7 other people first class tickets and me 1 coach ticket. She told me I was used to it and she had a free coach ticket so I should be grateful for going."
"They all did their express check ins and left me in the long line for me to think about what the heck is going on. I had to keep from crying the whole time in line."
"I got up to the counter and there was a baggage fee to me. My boyfriend at the time never once helped me through the coach line or said anything to his mom."
"I looked over at his mom's smug face as I was about to pay the checked baggage fee. And I let all of my frustrations out on the attendant and started crying."
"Basically she said don't go with that family sweetie they don't appreciate you. Continues to cry and took my luggage and got out and got out of line with the super sweet check in woman."
"I was so upset on how I was treated and started crying on my boyfriend in the airport about how his mother was treating me."
"I broke up with him at the airport and his mother was so embarrassed. I told her what a b*tch she was."
"My boyfriend has been blowing up my phone saying how could I do that to his mother and just back out of a vacation very last minute and wasted everyone's time and money."
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
As you might imagine, they were emphatically on OP's side and found their ex-boyfriend's mother's behavior shockingly inappropriate.
"NTA, the check in lady was correct. If you would have got on the plane, you would have been treated like this for the entire vacation. It was absolutely the right decision to stand up for yourself.
"As far as wasting money, she said the ticket was free and I'm sure she didn't spend much on your hotel accommodations."
"As far as wasting time, you wasted enough of your own time on a relationship with your boyfriend if he isn't going to stand up for you."
"They are going to say that you should be happy for any kind of vacation and not look down on a coach ticket, but his mother was being pointedly rude to you." --Complex-Lemon371
"Godd*mn, I hope nice things happen to that check in lady. Public-facing airport employees are one of the professions that's really been made to eat sh*t in the last couple years, and the fact that this person still has the bandwidth for a life-changing amount of compassion is super impressive."
"And not only did OP not waste anything she should feel bad about, she provided a public fu*king service to the rest of this sh*tty family by dragging this passive-aggressive conflict into the light."
"The other SOs got important information about their MIL, because surely she'll have to fixate on another one of them to haze (and she'll probably use the vacation as an opportunity to do so, since she has all these frustrations to vent about being "embarrassed"!)."
"And OP's ex and his siblings were all confronted with what is sure to be a defining problem in their personal lives — do you prioritize mommy and her money at the cost of letting your SO be treated like sh*t and potentially never having a healthy romantic relationship?"
"They may well opt to keep doing that, but at least they can't deny that those are the terms anymore." --yet_another_sock
"The mom was absolutely not embarrassed so OP had BETTER NOT FEEL GUILTY!"
"Mom set this up from the get-go. She spent absolutely nothing to insult OP: free ticket and an extra probably even undeclared person in the hotel room."
"I'm quite sure OP would have been on the hook for all costs: meals, transportation that there just doesn't happen to be extra room for her on, etc."
"Mom wanted two things out of this: to get rid of OP and to be a 'victim'. And with OP's boyfriend firmly in his mother's pocket, she was going to get both, one way or the other."
"In the immortal words of wisdom: 'A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.'"
"OP did the best and only thing she could do for her own sanity. ABSOLUTELY not an AH." --quats5
"When a stranger sees how your family treats your partner for a couple of minutes and immediately tells them to break up with you, I don't understand how that doesn't make you at least think not everything is as cool as you thought it was." --letstrythisagain30
"Someone give that check in lady a golden star and a hug for seeing right through all that and calling it out for OP. Random people appear in our lives for the right reason and this lady was one of them."
"(Heck I'd call the airline to thank the lady because they probably never get a thank you)"
"Good for you OP for walking away and breaking up with him. Keep those messages though- it sure sounds like they are the type of people to keep after you and you do NOT need that."
"A clear record of their behavior will help protect you going forward (including calls and texts etc)" --S3xySouthernB
"NTA!"
"The fact she got seven (7)!!! other people first class tickets and yet magically the budget ran out when it came to you tells you everything you need to know OP."
"Boyfriends mom was pulling a most assholish power play on you, indirectly saying you're not good enough for the family by directly refusing to let you fly in first class with them."
"'Hahahahah let's put the garbage in second class where she belongs' - I bet she thought she was so damn smart with that move lol."
"The fact that boyfriend didn't even speak up once in your favor shows that he's so deep in mommy's back pocket that he's either willfully or unknowingly refusing to recognise her appalling behavior and that's a major red flag as well. As in run for the hills red flag."
"You're on the ground right now, but in the future you're free to soar and find someone far better than a spineless momma's boy and his garbage family." --mumismatist
"NTA! Good for you! Had you gone, you would have been mistreated the whole time and I bet you anything, you would have made to feel like this vacation was a handout to you."
"The mother should have either bought everyone coach, gotten you a first class ticket, or your AH boyfriend should have switched his ticket and allowed you to sit in fc. That would have been the gentleman thing to do."
"OH AND YOU DIDN'T EMBARRASS HIS MOMMY! She did that all to herself and she's feeling that way, because deep down she knows what she did was rotten and that makes her, TAH!" --WillLoveCoffee4Ever1
"I can only imagine what other things were in store for OP once they got to Cabo. Mommy paying for everyone's food except hers, fancy adjacent suites for everyone but her, reservations for seven instead of eight, etc."
"It was going to be a whole trip of unexpected fees and differential treatment while her boyfriend gaslit her about not being grateful for being allowed on the trip in the first place." --TremulousHand
"NTA. You got out of a really miserable situation. His mother would likely continue to treat you like second class scum, and he would defend her and allow her to do so. Breaking up with him was the best thing you could have done for the peace and happiness of your future self."
"If he's going to blow up your phone about his mom and her 'waste of time and money,' block him. You don't owe this piece of sh*t family anything, certainly not free space in your head and added stress." --ShrekWife666
Hopefully OP can have better luck with their next boyfriend's family.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.