We've all heard of feuding siblings and even issues between twins.
But it's less common to hear about a twin spreading false allegations about their twin's partner, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Cute_ginger_2 had spent a lifetime with a twin sister who did not respect her boundaries, but when she was preparing to get married, she was shocked by how far her sister was willing to go to try to sabotage the happy couple.
When her twin sister made a move on her future husband and then made false accusations about him, the Original Poster (OP) knew it was time to cut her out of her life.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for blocking my twin sister because she tried to sleep with my fiancé?"
The OP had a complicated relationship with her twin sister.
"For context, my twin and I are identical twins but different heights due to childhood illness. I am shorter and more petite due to the illness, but I am now a healthy 28 (Female) adult."
"My fiancé (29 Male) is now my husband."
"My twin and I already had a complicated relationship due to her not respecting boundaries, expecting me to be available whenever she wanted, and having hissy fits any time I spent time with my own friends."
"But then SHE would cancel our plans an hour after we were supposed to meet to spend time with her friends. This was a continual ongoing issue throughout our whole lives."
"To her, I should be available to her 110% of the time, hate any friends I made, hate any guy I dated, I should only want to be with her."
The OP was furious with her sister for pushing her husband's boundaries, as well.
"My husband is an amazing, patient, handsome, fun-loving man. I could not ask for a better life partner."
"When we started dating, my twin reacted to him like all of my exes (interrogated him, assumed he was going to be abusive for (x number of reasons), hostile, etc... to clarify my husband is NOT abusive."
"My husband knew that being close to my family was REALLY important to me and made his best effort to get my twin's approval. He jumped through all of the hoops and trials and even made friends (or so we thought) with my twin."
"He is now also really close with my parents and grandparents and sees them regularly even if I am at work."
"My twin is also married (and was engaged at the time), so we thought nothing of her now being friendly with my husband."
But then the OP's twin sister went way too far.
"One evening while my husband and my twin were hanging out (we were roommates at the time, and the couples were in separate bedrooms), and they had a good chat about life."
"When they went to hug goodnight, my twin pressed her boobs on my husband and said, 'I appreciate what we have, whatever this is,' and tried to kiss him."
"My husband rejected her advances and then called me immediately afterward (I was at work)."
"I tried asking my twin what happened for context and she just gaslit me about it."
"She also had a meltdown right before my wedding and has been super petty since."
"I have now blocked her because she refuses to apologize for trying to sleep with my husband and spreading rumors."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was NTA, except for waiting so long to block.
"NTA, I hope her remarks about your spouse haven't upset him. To be honest, I wouldn't talk to her again out of respect for him."
"It's particularly strange because, according to her husband, identical twins that I have known have generally desired to be treated as unique individuals rather than as deeply ingrained or as people who are out to take each other's lives." - xbabyvelvet
"OP, definitely NTA! Please watch your back. Your twin sounds toxic and doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart." - Melodic_Ranger926
"OP needs to learn to stop putting her husband in awkward situations. It's OP's mess to fix and that'll start with distancing from said twin. Blocking is a good start."
"The next step is telling everyone what happened, the history of similar occurrences, and warning everyone not to act as sister's flying monkeys."
"If the twin never faces any consequences for being a sh*t sister, why would she bother changing?" - ExcitingTabletop
"The OP should stop placing her husband in uncomfortable situations, OP has to learn. The first step in cleaning up OP's mess will be to cut ties with said twin."
"It's an excellent idea to block. The next step is to explain what happened, provide a history of related incidents, and issue a warning to everyone about acting like their sister's flying monkeys."
"Why would Twin bother changing if there are no penalties for being a bad sister?" - butterflyxboo
"For letting her sister treat her husband in this manner, OP is a jerk. OP needed to have established appropriate limits as soon as she began accusing him of being abusive. The husband is lucky that his sister didn't try to make up a bogus accusation against him."
"If my spouse put me in a scenario like this with their family, I would be really angry with them and might even reconsider my relationship with them." - xhoneypeach
Others agreed and were sure the OP's sister would never take accountability.
"She's taking her time but eventually, she'll think to say to you, 'I was testing him. I wanted to make sure he wouldn't cheat on you. He passed!'" - nylonvest
"Since the beginning, your sister has been poisonous, and you have tolerated it."
"Eliminate her permanently. No thanks for accepting. Too much harm has been done. In my opinion, I would quickly file for divorce from you if you were my partner and you had forgiven your sister.
"Inform your family that you won't be at the get-togethers she attends." - quietxgirl
"NTA for blocking your sister, but YTA for not doing it sooner."
"She's a narcissist and evil. You need to shed her and her toxicity from your life immediately. You owe her nothing. You've been too nice to her, she doesn't deserve it, and you are being an AH to yourself and your husband." - HotRodHomebody
"Your sister has been toxic since day one, and you allowed it."
"Cut her out for good. No accepting apologies. too much damage is done. Personally, if you were my partner and you forgave your sister after her, Sexually assaulting me and then spreading lies, I'd divorce you in a heartbeat."
"Tell your family, and gatherings she is in you will not be." - WinterFront1431
"The twin sister and her husband might need to be reminded of the definitions of slander and false accusations. A cease and desist letter from a lawyer might serve as a solid reminder. Cut communications with your sister and her husband. If anyone else believes her, do the same."
"You seem unable to put your foot solidly down where your twin is concerned. Your husband sounds like a gem. Protect him. Protect each other." - AmbienWalrus1
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few meaningful clarifications.
"I want to say thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts and added to this conversation. As I have said to some, this was more of a vent post than genuinely wondering if I was the a**hole."
"Also, just cause my parents keep trying to guilt trip me into mending things with my twin. So I am posting here because I feel like I am completely rational for cutting her out of my life."
"But when I visit my parents, they keep trying to get me to make amends with my twin 'because she is sad and having a hard time.' So this is more of an (I have cut my twin out for x,y,z reason but my parents are making me feel like an asshole post)."
In short, the OP didn't intend to end the block.
"At this moment, I have no intention of EVER having contact with her again. Even if she did apologize."
"When the event first happened, my hope originally was that it was a misunderstanding. It clearly was not, and when she didn't apologize to my husband, that was it. Out of our lives for good."
"I wanted her to apologize to my husband for his closure because he didn't deserve to be treated the way he was. I don't expect my husband to interact with me ever again, nor would I ask him to. It has been almost a year since we limited and cut off contact."
"She didn't start the rumors until after the incident. Like I said, they were good friends up until that point. We obviously started cutting ties after the incident and didn't hear about the rumors until much later."
"I wouldn't force my husband to live or have relations with someone if they were actively trying to sobatoge him or cause him harm."
"Also, it is only my twin and her husband who are spreading rumors. As I said earlier, no one in my family believes the things she is saying nor agrees with her behavior."
"The current issue is that my parents want to try to make up with my twin and her husband because they feel bad for her. I have zero plans or wishes to reconnect with my twin."
The OP was also starting to have issues with her parents.
"The relationship with my parents has become more limited the more they suggest we mend the relationship with my twin. At first, my parents were really supportive, and on board with respecting our cut-off of my twin."
"Only recently have they started trying to get us to contact her. She lives very far away, so not seeing her has not been a problem. However, I think more recently she's been contacting my parents about how 'sad' she is about the whole thing."
"Essentially, she is trying to guilt-trip my parents, who then are now trying to guilt-trip us. Which is quickly leading us to cut off contact with my parents more and more."
"My other siblings have held strong in not allowing my twin any knowledge about my husband and me. We are worried that my parents might start telling my twin about our lives, which is a big no."
To confirm, the OP's sister's husband was also part of the problem.
"People have been asking about her husband's thoughts on it. My twin essentially has told her husband, 'Nothing happened,' and that she did not hit on my husband, that my husband is lying, etc."
"Her husband believes her and is also pushing the rumors that my husband is a pedophile, etc."
"Her husband spent so much time trying to s**t talk my husband at the family get-together that different individuals asked them to stop talking about my husband and me because they were getting so annoyed. It's also how my husband and I found out about the rumors."
"None of my other siblings believe or agree with the rumors that my twin and husband have spewed. Honestly, the only people still defending my twin and her husband's actions are my parents."
The subReddit completely understood why the OP was upset with her sister and encouraged her to block her.
If anything, they argued that the OP should have done it sooner before her sister could do something this serious.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.