There’s a long-standing tradition that whatever the bride wants for her wedding she gets. However, this little mantra has caused more than a few issues and led to many family fights.
Redditor ImBeingMe32 has made a decision that is causing a bit of a disagreement in her family. The original poster (OP)’s dad and cousins are throwing a fit and even a comment from her mother is giving OP some concern.
She wasn’t entirely sure if her actions were wrong and had to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit where she asked the titular question.
What did OP do?
“AITA For banning my relatives from my wedding?”
It’s the bride’s wedding and what she says goes, right?
“I (f32) am getting married in February. My best friend in a trans woman and will be my MOH. Ive been friends with her since we were children.”
“My dad’s older brother is very bigoted and quite frankly, hateful. He especially has an aversion to trans people and says the most horrible things about them. His wife is no different.”
“I’ve decided not to invite those two to my wedding, mostly to protect my friend and to avoid drama. Their kids, my cousins told them that if their parents can’t come, then they won’t either.”
“I told them to get lost and that my wedding would be better off without them.”
“My mom understands why I’m doing this but my dad is upset and says I’m being unreasonable. He keeps promising me that his brother ‘wont do anything’ and will just ‘sit quietly’, but I refuse to budge.”
“I just dont trust my uncle to act like an adult, because of his past behaviour. My mom told me that my aunt (said uncle’s wife) has been crying. One of her favourite manipulation tactics.”
“Now tell me, am I TA? Am I really being callous in trying to protect my best friend?”
OP is just trying to protect her friend, and doesn’t want to deal with her bigoted family members. She feels justified that she can’t trust their promise to not make a scene.
But is she actually justified, or should she have given in and invited her aunt and uncle?
The AITA commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
First and foremost, commenters agreed that this is OP’s special day and her choice of who to invite and not invite is more important than her uncle and father getting upset.
Second, a wedding is a day of love. And who wants a hateful bigot there to possibly disrupt that?
Commenters felt OP was not wrong for what she did.
“NTA this is your event. You wanting the special day to be a safe place for yourself and those who you love is completely understandable.”
“A wedding is a celebration of love, transphobic comments are not a place for that. Since you’ve known this friend for so long, I’m guessing the uncle has said some pretty rotten things about them in the past and has already shown their a**.”
“I’m sure this gesture also means the world to your friend.” – CharmingCharmanders
“NTA. Even if they manage to behave themselves on your big day, you’ll be on pins and needles in case something happens.”
“You don’t need that added stress. You, and your MOH, both deserve to enjoy the day.” – Eileen__Left
“No reason to invite bigots. If auntie wants to cry, have her read the stats on violence against trans people.” – moondoggie1960
“NTA. Toxic people are toxic, and they tend to find ANY opportunity to be toxic. Your dad can’t pretend he can control that.”
“No room for hate. Let them cry their bitter tears…you want your wedding to have happy tears and be a joyous occasion, not a hatefest where someone has to play referee, especially if alcohol will be involved, which would make a blow up inevitable.” – YourImaginaryFried
“NTA. it’s your wedding, you have the right to decide who does and does not get invited.”
“and if that means you ensure that transphobic bigots aren’t there causing drama and hurting someone in your wedding party, then more power to you.”
“for the sake of clarity on the situation, i would suggest discussing it with your best friend. make sure she’s aware of the situation, so she can be prepared in case any of your dad’s family’s nastiness gets flung her way.” – kaett
However, other people questioned why OP’s dad would think OP would entertain this idea in the first place. How could he possibly guarantee that the aunt and uncle wouldn’t say something transphobic?
The whole thing just makes the day more complicated.
“NTA even without your friend there why would you want a bigot at your wedding? It’s your wedding, personally I think it’s ok to not invite wankers.” – DogtasticLife
“Exactly. Thank you.”
“Thing is, I cannot be in the same room with this couple, without my temper rising. I’ve chewed them out on multiple occasions.” – ImBeingMe32 (OP)
“NTA. It would be up to your uncle/aunt to contact you directly and explain how they will moderate their behaviour. They appear to be unable to do so.” – SciFiEmma
“They just keep wailing about how ‘unfair’ I’m being. Lol” – ImBeingMe32 (OP)
“Have they promised to change their behaviour?” – silversky6
“They dont even want to talk about their behaviour. They just say dumb shit like ‘how could you do this to us?’.”
“Last time I just laughed in their face.” – ImBeingMe32 (OP)
The reputation of a bridezilla controlling every aspect of her wedding is probably an unfair stereotype. But sometimes that perception can be used for good, and excluding a bigoted family member is a great way to use it.
OP can look forward to a wonderful wedding, and not have to be on pins and needles if her aunt and uncle are going to make a scene. And her friend can enjoy the day as well.