Finding the right photographer is one of the many stresses involved in planning a wedding. But even the best photographer has to work with what they're given.
Redditor ThrowRaLovedove is a bride-to-be determined not to let anything get in the way of preserving the memory of her wedding with flawless—and very clean-cut—photographs.
But when her fiancé strongly opposed her specific grooming request for their wedding day, she gave him an ultimatum.
She took to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit after their fallout and asked:
"AITA for threatening to call off our wedding because my fiancé is refusing to shave his beard for it?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"So I have been with my fiancé for over 3 years. We have been engaged for one of those years. Our wedding is set for September 6th. My fiancé has been growing a beard ever since like March or so."
"I haven't thought anything of it since I've seen him with a beard plenty of times before. I'd say since I've known him it's been about 50/50 between him clean shaven and him having a beard."
"I jokingly brought up his beard and our wedding the other day. I said 'you ready to have a clean face for our wedding?' He looked at me and was silent for a few seconds."
"He finally said 'Um I was going to leave my beard for the wedding' I gave him a pretty gross look and said 'no you are not. That is not acceptable. I will not have that.'"
"He got mad that I was telling him what to do and said that I can't tell him what to do with his grooming preferences. I said that I have the right to since it is my wedding and I am marrying him."
"We kept going back and forth about it until I said that I would cancel our wedding if he doesn't shave. He didn't budge."
"He ended up getting really mad by that comment and left shortly after. He's barely texted me since that happened."
"I've told my friends and family about the situation and part of them agree with me while some say that I had no right to tell him to do that and that I was being a jerk for doing so."
"Just to clarify, I don't hate his beard, it's fine. I think at times that it can be attractive."
I just don't really like the idea of him not being clean shaven on our wedding day. I feel as though the pictures will not be as classy and nice."
"So reddit, am I the a**hole in this situation?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet passed judgment by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors took issue over the OP calling it her wedding.
"YTA. As a woman, you should understand the concept: My body, my choice. The fact you are denying him the right to choose what he wants is messed up."
"It would be the same as him telling you what to do with your hair. If you are that petty, just let the poor man go so he can find someone else."
"And btw, the wedding is about both bride and groom. I hate women like you who think the wedding is only about them. Sorry to break it to you but it's not." – Puzzleheaded-Finish5
"But what about the pictures!? YTA, OP. A wedding/marriage is more than pictures." – tacobelley
"That's what got me the most - she doesn't even think he looks bad with the beard, she's just worried about pictures!"
"If you're willing to call off a wedding over the pictures, then you're not ready to get married." – HyacinthFT
"YTA. Not your wedding only. Imagine if he asked you to dye and cut your hair."
"THEN IMAGINE HE SAID HE WOULDNT MARRY YOU IF YOU DIDNT. not because he didn't like your hair, but because the pictures wouldn't be as CLASSY. My God" – Mak25672
"YTA - if thats enough to call it off, he shouldnt be marrying you anyway." – skittlesNwhiskey289
People also brought up perfectionist brides.
"I honestly don't get all of these bridezillas. Life is more than a wedding, a relationship is more than a wedding."
"Also it's not only her wedding - its also her partners wedding. OP really needs to respect his wishes."
"I honestly feel like most bridezillas don't know how relationships work and I really wonder why they're getting married in the first place if they can't compromise or respect their partners wishes."
"(Yes, they probably get married for the wedding because that's all thats important in life, right? /s)" – peasolace
"There's a difference between people wanting a wedding and people wanting a marriage. OP is the first group and also YTA." – Darkliandra
"Hard YTA. Wedding culture is so toxic these days. It's not just your wedding, it's his too! Imagine if he asked you to lose 20 pounds or dye your hair before the big day? You wouldn't have it."
"It would be reasonable to say, 'honey, would you mind trimming your beard and making sure it's neat for the wedding?.' Instead you decided to be a brat, and I'm not surprised your fiance walked out."
"It's really not cool to give ultimatums about your relationship over petty stuff. It would make anybody feel undervalued and unloved."
"You need to apologize to him, chill about your wedding, and consider whether you want a 'perfect' party or a marriage." – jenkinsburns
The OP was given a huge dose of sarcasm.
"Don't worry, there is this thing called photoshop, I'm sure a pro can get rid of the bride for the groom." – Ginger_Tea
When a Redditor confronted the OP by presuming she was "old and mature enough to know" it was not just HER wedding, she responded:
"Everyone knows girls care way more about weddings than guys do. Most of them just show up and don't really care."
Whether or not the fiancé reached out to the OP to say he was ditching the beard or whether the OP accepted her AITA judgment as the definite a**hole remains unconfirmed.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.