Choosing a flower girl for your wedding can make a kid feel important and like they are an important part of the celebration.
But, it can also make those who weren’t chosen feel a little left out.
Redditor aitaoneflowergirl encountered this very issue at her wedding. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for only wanting one flower girl?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened a few months ago but the wedding is coming up and I can’t get this out of my mind.”
“I’m getting married in a couple weeks and my sister’s daughter (7) is going to be my flower girl. My niece has autism and ADHD and everyone uses it as an excuse to use one or both of her sisters (9 and 4) as a flower girl.”
“Even when there’s multiple flower girls, my niece has never been allowed to be a flower girl. Because of this, I want her to be the only flower girl so she can have her little moment in the spotlight.”
“The problem is a few months after I made my niece the flower girl, my fiance’s cousin called my fiance and asked if her daughters (6f and 9f) could be flower girls and he said yes because he didn’t want to hurt their feelings.”
“I told him I want my niece to be the only flower girl and he said that we have to make them flower girls because he already said yes.”
OP decided to take matters in her own hands.
“I eventually called his cousin and said that I already have my flower girl and apologized for disappointing the girls.”
“His cousin said that I can have more than one flower girl and started talking about how cute it would be if her daughters were my flower girls but I told her I was firm on only wanting one flower girl.”
“She called me a bridezilla and my fiance’s cousin and her parents are refusing to come unless her daughters are flower girls.”
“My fiance wants them to be flower girls to avoid drama and I’m starting to feel like an asshole.”
“Edit: I wanted to include that my fiance told me I can choose the flower girl(s) at the beginning of the wedding planning. He also knows why I want my niece to be the only flower girl”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“You’re NTA and are being very considerate in wanting your niece to have some time feeling like a star!”
“To save family drama, though, I’d suggest coming up with another role for your husband’s cousin’s girls as well as maybe your other 2 nieces.”
“Can they give out programs? Is there something they can do at the reception? Maybe have them present flowers to the mothers/ grandmothers of the couple? If they want to be included so badly, try to find something for them, but don’t feel obligated to make them flower girls.” ~ Puppygranny
“I disagree. They have given a ridiculous ultimatum and I would call their bluff. Stay home if you can’t refrain from being an asshole on a day that has nothing to do with you or your kids. NTA.” ~ lotsofcache
“If fiancé were entirely on her side I would agree with this course of action. However it’s both of their wedding and he wants to include them, so she should find something for them to do and deescalate the situation, IMO. But if they won’t take a compromise then yeah, they should just not go.”
“Frankly though, I would be more pissed at Fiancé for saying yes when he already knew what OP wanted to do.” ~ TheSleepingVoid
“He only wants to include them because his family is pressuring and he doesn’t want to have family drama. Apparently also he agreed with the one flower girl and letting OP pick from the start from the edit.” ~ MinaHalthayne
Most think it’s actually kind of rude of the fiancé to use his nieces as a backup choice.
“I think it actually makes the fiancé look worse to know he didn’t want those girls in the wedding but said yes to avoid drama. This is more than not being a united front with OP, this represents an inability to hold his own boundaries. That behavior leads to a lot more AITA posts and relationship struggles.” ~ JustMy2CentsB4Taxes
“He agreed, until his cousin called up and started talking about how great it would be if her daughters were the flower girls and then he gave in and said yes they could be. I guess to avoid any drama if he said no?” ~ Annual-Contract-115
“The Groom doesn’t get a say in the Bride‘s wedding party. Cousin was out of line for asking him instead of the Bride and frankly it was classless to ask at all.” ~ Relative_Dimensions
“I was going to say that a deeper conversation with fiancé needs to happen. Is this his MO going forward when his family wants something? He told her to make the decision, she did )with valid lovely reasons) and then to get out of an uncomfortable situation he said yes to his family instead of holding firm.”
“If anything, if the family boycotts, he should understand it was absolutely his fault for creating the situation (and theirs for being sneaky in asking him instead of her) and not hers for enforcing her choice. NTA” ~ religionlies2u
“He should find something else for them to do if he’s that concerned about it. He made this mess so he can deal with the fallout all by himself. He previously agreed that OP would be the decision maker regarding flower girl or girls. Now that he’s getting pushback he’d rather make his bride unhappy than an entitled relative. Not a very attractive look for a bridegroom.”
“The only answer to a threat to not attend should be, ‘Sorry you won’t be there, then. Goodbye.'” ~ SamiHami24
“He only wants them included because he already said yes, when they called and asked. But seriously, who in the world would have the gd audacity to do that?! Frankly, I think that’s fucking weird, but maybe it’s different where you are…”
“In any event, I’m gonna go with NTA.” ~ hatesbiology84
OP can have as many flower girls as she wants.