When someone tries to tell you what to do, it can be frustrating to take their advice. If they tell you the right thing though, how do you respond?
Redditor Trainhornthrowaway4 is frustrated with his sister and her boyfriend. The BF tried to give the original poster (OP) some advice, but OP didn’t see a reason to listen.
Of course, the BF ended up being right and OP is being asked to apologize. OP doesn’t think he should, but his sister is insistent.
The “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit was asked to weigh in on the situation.
“AITA for saying my wife and me aren’t going to apologize to my sister’s boyfriend?”
OP doesn’t think he should have to apologize.
“My sister Jennifer (25f[emale]) has a new boyfriend Dan (25m[ale]). They’ve been dating almost 3 months and about a month ago she brought him around so my wife (29f) and me (29m) could meet him.”
“He seemed okay and we didn’t have any problems then. While they were over I showed them the train horn I bought to install in my wife’s vehicle.”
“I wish I could have one in mine but I drive a company truck so no dice. I have fun if I have to drive my wife’s vehicle now because of the horn.”
“Dan said we should reconsider because the horn would be illegal here. Since he’s 1st year in law school me and my wife thought it was a flex. But we ignored it because he seemed okay otherwise.”
“We didn’t know Dan has been a a paralegal for over 3 years and works at a law firm that primarily handles traffic and driving cases. We thought he was just showing off honestly because he’s in law school now.”
“My wife was stopped by the cops and got a citation for the train horn and they towed her vehicle because without a legal horn it was considered unsafe. My wife has to go to court for the illegal horn and we had to pay out the a** for the towing and impound fees plus a mechanic to fix the horn back to a default because I tried and could not.”
“When Jennifer found out she said it was our own fault because Dan told us the horn was illegal. I countered to the 2 of them that he should have been clearer about his credentials at the traffic firm and we would have listened.”
“But we thought he was flexing and talking out of his a** because he’s in law school now. I blame him for not being clearer. We wouldn’t have had this problem if he’d actually told us.”
“Jennifer says we need to apologize to Dan for blaming him. I disagree. For the record my parents agree.”
“I’ve been married to my wife for almost 11 years whereas Jennifer hasn’t even known Dan for 3 months. We don’t know him well. My wife is family.”
“I certainly don’t think she should apologize nor should I because Dan could have communicated better here and now we’re in a mess. If we’d known Dan was an actual professional we would have taken it seriously.”
OP blames Dan for not communicating why he should have listened to him, and thinks if Dan had explained his background more, this whole thing could have been avoided. But OP’s sister pointed out that Dan was just giving advice, accurate advice at that.
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to apologize for blaming his sister’s boyfriend by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Dan had no obligation to help OP. The fact he gave a warning was more than he really had to do.
OP is the one who was so obstinate that he pressed forward in a foolish endeavor without consulting local laws himself. Dan shouldn’t have even been necessary.
The board agreed that OP was wrong, and he should have listened to Dan in the first place.
“YTA – This is hilarious. He told you, you didn’t listen.” – r-cottrell6
“What somehow gets missed is Op’s totally ridiculous attitude that being right or wrong is determined by milky loyalty. Wife is family, Dan is not family, this wife should definitely not apologise. Parents (also family) agree.”
“YTA op for this flawed idea as well.” – nicolai8372
“What, you don’t bring your resume to every dinner you go to? I’ve got a QR code on my business card in case I need to back up my credentials.”
“Side note though, Whhhhhyyyyyy, why does he have this? What possible purpose does it serve?”
“What dumba** altered the truck vehicle to have an illegal horn? Who does modifications to their vehicle without checking whether it is legal?”
“Could you imagine if they found out from being in an accident and were automatically at fault for diving an unsafe vehicle?
“YTA OP” – DeusXMathematica
“YTA this is the funniest sh** I’ve read in a while. He warned you!! He literally warned you.”
“This is the definition of f*** around and find out. He doesn’t have to be a lawyer for you to listen to him lmao.”
“Y’all played yourselves.” – Transquisitor
“This, I know the local laws where I’m at regarding what colors of lights (and how bright they can be) you are allowed to have on your vehicle pointing in different directions)”
“I’m not a lawyer I just looked into it for a project I wanted to do, ultimately couldn’t because the colors I wanted weren’t legal BUT I’m not a lawyer lmao.”
“its just wild how OP is like ‘oh you know a law? are you a lawyer? huh? no? just in law school? guess you don’t actually know what you’re talking about’”
“its such a weird stance.” – Sea-Shelter5588
“YTA. How did you reach the age of 29 and still be blaming others for not holding your hand and wiping your nose?”
“YOU bought the horn and installed it because YOU wanted to ‘have fun’ (incidentally, most adults don’t consider their horn to be a toy, but you’ve already demonstrated your maturity).”
“Dan had no responsibility to give you free legal advice but still gave you a heads-up. YOU chose to ignore it purely for ego reasons, and now you’re throwing a tantrum because you’re in trouble that you caused all by yourself.” – SublightMonster
It’s clear that Dan didn’t do anything wrong by giving some advice. If OP didn’t want to listen without knowing his whole CV, that’s on OP.
But the blame is so targeted and so intense, some commenters thought there had to be more to the story. They tried to ask OP about it to see if more context could redeem him.
Surprise! It couldn’t.
“Am I missing the part where you said/know it’s Dans doing your wife got pulled by the cops?”
“Regardless of that, YTA for trying to blame other people for you and your wife getting caught wilfully breaking the law after also showing off about it” – yorkspirate
“You aren’t missing anything. My wife was second with 1 car in front of her and when the light turned green the car in front didn’t go.”
“It just stayed there stopped and my wife got pulled over because there was a cop car in the lane behind her.” – Trainhornthrowaway4 (OP)
“Dan sounds like an awesome, helpful guy. Your sister did much better for an SO than your wife did, since your wife seems to have married a child who refuses to take responsibility for anything.” – BowTrek
“INFO: Did he turn you in to the cops?” – nimajneb21
“My wife honked at someone who wasn’t going on a green light. They just sat there stopped and there was cops behind her who pulled her over because of it.” – Trainhornthrowaway4 (OP)
“Because she was using an illegal horn.” – Ladodgersfans
“After your response 100% YTA. First of all if he wouldn’t have said anything it’s still your fault, so how is it his fault when he did try to warn you.”
“Second he didn’t tell on you so same question how is it his fault?” – nimajneb21
“Had she just used the horn or they get tipped off about it op? Train horn? Kinda a hole like carrying around a boat horn.”
“He didn’t say crimanal just illegal he knew the difference. Ticket or warning if not crimanal offence. No apologies nessacery. Not just used he called it in and sil knows. Point out to wife.”
“Every one sucks here.” – stillaborn
“My wife was pulled over after a couple of on duty cops heard her use the horn at an intersection.”
“Someone on their phone or distracted didn’t go on a green light and my wife honked at them and there was a police cruiser a few lanes back and it pulled my wife over.” – Trainhornthrowaway4 (OP)
“Good. I’m glad your car got towed. That horn can get someone killed” – FuzzySoda916
OP was just looking for anyone else to blame for his own actions. Dan has nothing to apologize for.
If anything, OP should apologize for blaming Dan, and maybe he’ll be kind enough to help with the traffic ticket.