Punctual Redditor Walks Out Of First Date After Woman Arrives 15 Minutes Late With No Apology

When it comes to our relationships, whether romantic or platonic, we all have difference expectations for what makes a good relationship and what makes a quality partner or friend.

For some people, those who are going to be late or can't seem to manage their time well are absolutely out of the running, cringed the users of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.

Redditor Express_Dog_4442 knew for themselves that they would not tolerate someone they're dating being late to meeting, especially if it was a regular occurrence.

But when a potential date was 15 minutes late without communicating about it, the Original Poster (OP) realized that communicating in these moments was just as important as the lateness.

They asked the sub:

"AITAH for canceling our date because she was 15 minutes late?"

The OP was passionate about punctuality. 

"I connected with someone on a dating app, and after a while of texting, we agreed to a restaurant date as our first time meeting in real life."

"To clarify: In my profile, I have listed people not being on time as my biggest red flag. In our chat, I talked about how punctuality is a really important virtue to me, and when we planned the date, I specifically told her to text me should something come up or if there were any delays."

"I have absolutely zero tolerance for lateness, and unless it's an actual emergency, I won't wait and will just leave at around the half-hour mark."

The OP soon discovered that their potential date did not share the same concerns. 

"Come the time and day of the date, and she wasn't there. I waited and checked my phone, and she hadn't texted me anything."

"She finally arrived 15 minutes late. She greeted me but didn't even apologize for being late."

"I asked her why she was late. She shrugged and said that getting ready just took longer than expected."

"I asked her if, before she drove to the restaurant if she already knew she wouldn't make it in time. She says yes."

"I asked her why she didn't text me. She said she didn't because she was only 'a little late' and started looking visibly annoyed."

The OP decided the date was over.

"At that point, I excused myself, said our values didn't align, and left her there."

"She proceeded to shout after me and blew up my phone before I unmatched her when I got home."

"Am I really out of line here? I just have absolutely zero tolerance for not being on time without good reason, especially when you don't even communicate it properly or aren't even sorry about it."

"I know my standards are harsh, but I feel like I was very open about it and gave plenty of warnings."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP and felt time management was a sign of respect. 

"It's zero tolerance for lack of communication, respect, and personal responsibility, not for the lateness itself. I think it makes sense." - TheElusiveFox

"I'm a very punctual person, but s**t happens on rare occasions that'll cause me to be a little late. Like a few months ago, I left for work without my credentials and had to go back home."

"It was only by five minutes (vs being 30 minutes early), but I still let my team know and apologized since I knew they couldn't start the morning meeting without me (not that they were looking forward to me telling them things they already know anyway)."

"It's definitely a respect and communication issue with stuff like this. I respect everyone's time enough to acknowledge that I made a mistake and let them know what's going on so they aren't in the dark. It's the absolute bare minimum anyone can do." - Empty401K

"NTA. If she had apologized, I'd say you were too harsh. But who doesn't apologize for being late? That's the issue, in my opinion." - Practical-Stock8481

"I had a guy show up 10 minutes late for a first date. I wasn't too bothered until he didn't apologize and then said that he wasn't late."

"Like really?!? I just spent the past 10 minutes staring at my phone, thinking I got stood up and wondering how long I should wait before I left. Please don't tell me you weren't late." - speda523

"NTA. It's incredibly self-centered to be late for no reason and not apologize. If she does this on the first date, she will do it forever."

"Also and even worse, she was late for a s**tty reason. She was late because 'getting ready took longer than planned.' Even though I have basically never been on time since having a second kid, I'm never late because getting myself ready takes too long."

"I've stopped getting ready and said f**k it, or I've changed my plans for how I was going to look, or budgeted more time in the first place if I thought makeup/hair were going to be complicated, any of that rather than make someone else wait on my GRWM routine."

"(Kids, however, f**k up everything and I'm pretty sure I'll never be on time again until they can dress themselves appropriately.)" - itsthedurf

"NTA: Now I would usually say this is an overreaction, but in your case, where it's listed on your profile, you had a conversation regarding lateness before the date, and you explained how you would like someone to respond if they are late, and she just ignored that."

"Honestly, wouldn't even be the lateness that bothered me, but the lack of respect." - Apart-Scene-9059

"It seems pretty clear that OP isn't a control freak about it; he recognizes that things happen and made sure that this wasn't a case of force majeure before making a decision."

"She was late, didn't care, and didn't do any of the several things that a polite person would do. I'm not the same kind of stickler for punctuality that OP is, and I would have lost interest." - Rogueshoten

Others thought that the OP's "zero tolerance" was a red flag and a reason not to date them.

"I'm also very focused on punctuality. However, if a date was late and simply told me something like, 'I'm really sorry for getting here late. I know it's important to you, but I was nervous and excited to meet you. It threw me off a bit, and I'm hoping you can give me a chance to show you I'm not someone who disrespects your time...' then I'd stay to see how things go."

"Early on, we're looking for indicators of potential behaviors. I'll take humility and accountability over punctuality 9 times out of 10." - NewConsideration3100

"Whatever works for you. I dated a woman in the 1980s who was chronically late. I didn't like it much. Anyway, we've been married for 38 years. There's more to life than punctuality." - Ridicutulated-73

"As someone who is super punctual myself, I get the frustration, but the reality is that 99% of the world thinks being 15 minutes late is no big deal. You may have trouble finding a suitable partner if you aren't a little flexible on that point." - JexilTwiddlebaum

"He's technically NTA, but sounds insufferable to date. I could never." - highvolt1132

"I rolled my eyes when OP said 'zero tolerance.' It's rude as h**l to not text someone you're running late, and if I'm running late AT ALL, I will let someone know, no matter what our relationship is. So that part is not cool and does suck."

"But god, OP is one of those people who will set you up for failure. Gonna learn the hard way that being inflexible will yield a very lonely life." - DJBlandy

"Dating is about compatibility. I would have taken the profile and texts about punctuality being a 'virtue' as a sign we were NOT compatible and never made a date. Being that pressed about 15 minutes unless it was an activity with a very specific start time would be too much for me, sounds like it was for this girl too, but he did give plenty of warning, so... yeah. NTA." - hrcjcs

"Like okay, yeah, you said it, you set the expectation, but also, OP, you're being a little much."

"Also, the 'I gave plenty of warnings' sounds very disciplinarian. To be honest, the entire post did. Who is OP, her dad? I would not do well with any man acting that way, and I suspect this is not the only thing he's that way about. It's very… 1950s patriarchal sounding."

"People will tell you a lot more than you think when they write posts like this. Dating OP sounds like an insufferable time." - InstructionOld8231

The subreddit understood that the OP valued boundaries, punctuality, and effective communication, and others even agreed that they shared the same values. But ending a date after only a 15-minute wait and writing their correspondence in such a disciplinarian style felt like a red flag to some and like dating would not be a fun time.

Suppose the OP had actually been interested in this person. In that case, it might have been better to give her the benefit of the doubt for one date, even though she didn't apologize for being late.

Still, if their time was so valuable that they couldn't even risk one date, they might want to spend their time doing something else rather than dating for a little while longer.