There are three types of coworkers in the workplace: those we work with, those we're friends with, and those who are inappropriate and cross boundaries.
Some of us have discovered just how detrimental this third group can be to even the best work environment, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwaway2582_ didn't realize she was actually one of those coworkers when she began to overstep in her male coworker's relationship.
But when she saw their reaction, the Original Poster (OP) began to wonder if she was in the wrong.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for jokingly correcting my coworker's wife?"
The OP thought she was close to her male coworker, Josh.
"I (26 [female]) have worked with my coworker 'Josh' (29 [male]) for about 6 years."
"We spend 12-15 hour shifts together 5-6 days out of the week, and we've gotten to know each other pretty well."
"He even invited me to his wedding and his daughter's first birthday."
"I'd say we're pretty close. He's even voiced some grievances about his marriage and home life with me and I've done the same."
But when she was invited to Josh's house, the OP overstepped.
"This past week he invited me and some other coworkers to a dinner at his house as a going-away party (he's leaving our district to take a better position in the company)."
"His wife was talking about how happy she is he's moving up in his career and how they always talk about how he wants to do more."
"The conversation rolled into her talking about how they're so close and that she's practically his best friend and no one could ever know him better."
"I laughed since I spend the most time with him on paper, and I asked if she knew what he had for lunch the other day."
"She chuckled and said spaghetti. She was right and I laughed it off."
"Everyone appeared to be uncomfortable."
"She once again reiterated they knew each other best."
"I laughed and told her I spent more time with him than her, and it's crazy how she knew so much."
This didn't go over well with the OP's coworker.
"The night continued, but these past 2 days, Josh hasn't spoken to me."
"When I asked him if I'd done something, he told me my behavior at dinner was rude and unfair to him and his wife."
"He hasn't spoken to me after this and I'm wondering if I truly am in the wrong?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought it was very obvious why the coworker was no longer speaking to the OP.
"I can't believe this post is real, maybe if she was 14. It's quite clear she does see herself as more important than the wife and sheesh those comments were mean and very telling, that's why he stopped speaking to her."
"Very YTA." - realdappermuis
"She's gonna be an inside joke to them for the rest of their lives."
"Every time he says 'Yes' to a drink refill from a waitress, his wife's gonna pretend-huff, 'She knows you so much better than I do.'" - TryinToBeHelpfulHere
"Yeah like wtf. She was there at the BIRTHDAY PARTY."
"The wife was there when making the baby, carrying the baby, giving birth to it with him, etc. She has also been there holding him when he has been sick, wiped his tears when he has cried, carried him through hardships, etc."
"This person seems delusional and I'm happy he is going to work somewhere else now. I doubt that he will be seeing her again." - Cute_Mousse_7980
Others agreed and thought the OP was delusional.
"YTA. OP, are you in love with this guy? Are you a creep or a stalker? A random coworker should NOT know someone better than they know their wife."
"The fact that you thought you knew him better probably warned ALL your coworkers to stay away from you. You came across as jealous, oddly obsessive, and unstable." - crystallz2000
"OP thought people were uncomfortable because of the wife's comments and clearly missed the signs. It was OP's comments that were making people uncomfortable."
"YTA" - Dressupbuttercup
"I don't understand how she could have missed the signs; you are laughing at another woman and telling her you are closer to her husband than her in her own house."
"Everyone is extremely uncomfortable because of how possessive and catty she is being, as well as thinking that there might be something else going on between the two."
"YTA, OP. Be ready for the guy to drop you like a hot potato." - Euphoric_Acadia5598
"She was invited to the wedding in which he married his wife. She was invited to the Birthday party... of the child that he has with said wife."
"And my colleagues often vent to me about their family and/or personal lives. It doesn't mean that I delude myself into thinking that I am the center of their world." - Imaginary-Lawyer-201
"I'm baffled with what OP thought might happen. Like, let's suppose the wife got the lunch question wrong. Would she have then cried and said, 'I guess you know him better, you better take him back home with you'?!!?" - lopingwolf
Some thought the OP was just mean and inappropriate.
"I can't imagine a scenario where someone in 'good humor' would try and put themselves between a husband and wife. Normal friends don't do this. I avoid talking too personally with women at all because I don't want my wife to ever feel like she isn't #1 for me."
"Josh screwed up by possibly letting OP see too much behind the curtain. But OP is tiptoeing a line that breaks people up." - IlSconosciuto
"If there are actual weaknesses in his marriage, OP's comments could have convinced the wife he was having an emotional (and possibly physical) affair with OP and thereby caused them to divorce. Which might be exactly what OP wanted . . . and not at all what Josh or his wife wanted."
"It's really cruel to intentionally plant baseless suspicion and discord into someone else's marriage." - queerbychoice
"Hubby had spaghetti for lunch. Wife knew that probably because she packed it for him. It sounds like OP is interested in her coworker and is jealous of wifey."
"And you never REALLY know someone until you live with them. OP is definitely the AH here. And rude AF to try to make the wife appear to be of lesser significance."
"While he's complaining to OP about his wife, at home he's probably complaining to his wife about OP's work performance." - Lonerizme
"'I know your husband better than you know your husband' was the intent of OP's comment."
"This whole post seems to be an attempt from OP to seek validation on that, since she spends the most time with him and he sometimes vents to her, so she must automatically know him best."
"It sounds like OP is jealous of this guy's wife. I cannot imagine what else would compel OP to act like this." - ImFinePleaseThanks
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update:
"It's obvious I'm TA here, and unfortunately Josh saw this. He expressed discomfort and confusion about why I said what I said."
"I truly meant no harm to his wife. I'm happily married to the woman of my dreams. I just wasn't thinking at that moment and I took an already unfunny joke too far."
"I apologized as best I could and he accepted. We're okay now, although I can tell he's still upset. I apologized to his wife as well and she said she already forgave me, which was a relief."
"I have Autism and ADHD and my social cues aren't always spot on. One comment suggested I ask myself, 'Is it kind, is it necessary, etc.," and this is advice I'll be taking with me as I progress in my professional and personal life. I'm sorry I upset so many people, but I understand where I look like a complete a**."
The OP may have not been convinced that she did anything wrong, but the subReddit thought she had another thing coming. Not only did she overvalue her working relationship with her coworker, but she could have seriously negatively impacted his relationship with his wife. Both of these could have had terrible impacts on their working environment.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments
Dating can be really hard, because let's be honest, as fun as it's supposed to be, there are some very strange prospects out there.
While some might just be socially awkward, there are definitely some walking red flags, ready to push every boundary, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Suspicious_End_441 had been talking to a guy for a little while and was planning to go on a first date with him when he started sending her increasingly inappropriate text messages.
But when his texts went far past her comfort zone, especially for someone she'd never met, the Original Poster (OP) planned to call off the date and truly never meet the guy in real life.
She asked the sub:
The OP had been talking to a guy and was looking forward to going on a first date with him.
"For context, I (30 Female) met this guy online and have been talking to him the past few days."
"He asked me out, and we planned a date for today. He seems really nice so far."
"I like him, but he’s made a couple of comments that maybe seem like a red flag to me."
"First off, I did my nails for the date, and he asked me to send him a picture, so I did."
"Then he made some comment like, 'Those would look great wrapped around something.'"
"I kinda brushed it off because I know that’s how some guys are... but it did give me the ick a little."
"Then I asked him to tell me more about himself, and the second thing he told me was that he has a high sex drive."
The potential date texted:
The OP no longer liked the idea of dating the guy.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, but this made me slightly uncomfortable. I’m wondering what reason you would need to tell this to someone you haven’t even met yet."
"I didn’t think he would be expecting sex on a first date, but this made me rethink."
"I’m also recovering from a surgery that I had three weeks ago, and he knows this. So that literally isn’t even an option for me, not that I would wanna do that on a first date anyway."
The OP considered never meeting the guy in person.
"I kind of feel like he’s making too many sexual comments too quickly, especially considering I didn’t engage with his first comment at all."
"Am I overreacting, feeling like I maybe want to cancel the date and block him?"
"I just feel like these comments are an indicator of his expectations... or maybe he is just 'being a guy'?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some had second-hand "ick" from reading that text message.
"NOR. My face when I read that text: [Dan Levy from 'Schitt's Creek']" - Unlikely_Captain_499
"I’d nope out right after the nails comment. After I blast him for being completely out of line." - WHYohWhy__MEohMY
"If he’s that comfortable saying stuff like that before he meets you, imagine what he’ll say after he knows you better." - ScrambledNoggin
"Gross. That joke should be saved for wife or long-term girlfriend where you know you'll get a laugh... or more accurately, an eye-roll and a 'threat' to not sleep with him for the next three months, LOL." - HovercraftIII1258
"Every time I get my nails done, my husband says something similar to that, and I always reply, 'I think they'd look good jammed in your eye sockets,' and we both laugh, LOL. But we've been married for over a decade. When we met and when we were dating, he was incredibly polite and possibly TOO slow in making advances. THIS is gross." - wingin_it0618
"This is exactly what I expect as a response from a man heavily in the dating scene right now. Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control." - BrayIsreal
"If he's giving you the ick, listen to that. It's not going to go away. Don't waste your own time or his. Plenty more fish in the sea, girl." - Zieglest
"As a man who is heavily in the dating world right now, that sounds like such a turn off, and any self-respecting girl who wants an actual relationship would not even talk to him anymore after this. It's so cringey and makes all of us guys look like there's no reason we want to go out with them other than getting laid. As a guy, it's really annoying; it makes girls weirded out by all of us. Sigh."
"Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control."
"That was the dumbest thing he could say to kill his chances. I wouldn't bother with him." - BrayIsReal
"NOR, I wouldn’t want to go anymore either. Making multiple sexual comments before even meeting someone is purposeful, and I doubt he remembers that you can’t do anything due to your surgery or even considers whether you want to."
"Don’t brush off how your gut makes you feel. If you are uncomfortable, then you are under no obligation to go." - AliBari
Others urged the OP to listen to her gut, not to go on that date, and to immediately block the guy.
"If he is already this forward, making sexual comments to a complete stranger, then it will only increase from here; he’s not going to suddenly stop. OP, if he already makes you feel uncertain or pressured, then don’t bother." - saiphxo
"Your gut is telling you something and wants to keep you safe. Don't ignore it." - SparkEli1
"Stay far, far away from this guy. Block. Don't look back. Men like this use high sex drive as a disclaimer for zero boundaries later." - CompetitionLankys
"Trust your intuition. Don’t go."
"I (39 Female) am very comfortable with casual sex and hook-ups. When single, I have never needed an emotional connection with a man to let off some steam. I don’t need him to make me feel special or like we have potential. I don’t need to know his hopes and dreams. I separate men into 'just sex' and 'potential for more' easily."
"I do need him to show the most basic level of respect and not be a creep. I would stop talking to this guy the instant he started speaking like that, even if my intention was to just f**k him."
"We are already talking, we are already about to go on a date, why is he turning it creepy sexual, what is that doing for either of us. It just speaks to a lack of judgment, I wouldn’t want to trust. If he can’t handle a basic text conversation without being a creep, why would I trust him to be alone with me?" - TheCa11ousB**h
"Ok, so I'm a degenerate, but even I wouldn't say something like 'those would look good wrapped around something' to a person I'd never met."
"I mean... do I have to be dad here and say the obvious? It's some guy on the internet who's looking to f**k. Is that really what you want? He can't even be bothered to type the d in the word 'and.'"
"Also, your nails look cool." - skippybeefree
"I’m more insulted that it’s just a terribly uncreative line. This guy's a bum!"
"Also, it's a huge red flag is the first thing he describes himself as a clean freak and needs things done his way. Sounds like a control freak, which would make me dip out immediately." - JeromeBarkley
"Only you know what you need to do. Feel safe. Feel comfortable. Feel SAFE!"
"If you don't, then cancel."
"Some men (I am a man) sometimes say way too much way too soon, and some men don't know how to hold a decent conversation. Sometimes just telling them how you feel about the sexual comments and seeing his reaction will tell you more than anything else he has ever said to you up until this point."
"But always remember you can choose to back out at any point in a date, even if you turn up to have dinner but can't walk in. The same goes for him as well if he turns up but doesn't walk in. We all have the right to feel safe and comfortable, especially on a first date." - Ok_goal6591
It was possible that the guy was just excited about the date, nervous to talk to someone new, socially awkward, or just joking at an inappropriate level.
Unfortunately, though, it was much more likely that these comments indicated the guy's expectations for the first date and how he would treat the OP if she set boundaries, especially regarding his inability to perform after surgery for safety reasons.
While it would be fun to meet someone new, it was much safer for the OP to wait for someone else.