One always hopes that step-siblings and half-siblings will get along.
That even if they’re not actually related by blood, they might still at least develop a strong, familial bond.
But that unfortunately isn’t always the case, and unfortunately, sometimes step-siblings and half-siblings even go so far as to resent one another.
This was sadly the situation for Redditor idk3587, who had two daughters from two different relationships.
And things became even more tense when one of them accused the original poster (OP), of favoring one of them over the other when their birthdays came around.
Having doubts about how they handled the situation, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not going to my daughter’s 16th birthday?”
The OP first shared how their daughters, from two different relationships, were not exactly close, as well as their current arrangement with their two daughters.
“This happened a month ago but my daughter still isn’t talking to me so I decided to ask here.”
“I have two daughters from two different relationships, E (14 F[emale]) and R(16 F[emale]).”
“R lives in another city with her mom.”
“I only have her in summers and holidays.”
“E lives with me full time as her mom passed away a few years ago.”
“E and R don’t get along at all.”
“When they are both with me they try to avoid eachother as much as they can and they barely spend any time together.”
The day that R chose for her birthday party only complicated matters even further.
“The girls birthday is two weeks apart.”
“I was talking to R about her birthday party, she was very excited and couldn’t stop talking about it.”
“At the end of our call she told me that she is gonna have her birthday party two weeks after the real day, which meant it would be the same day as E’s birthday.”
“I reminded her that it was E’s birthday and asked her if there is any reason why she can’t have her party on her birthday, or the weekend, or even the next week or , I don’t know, any day other than that day.”
“She didn’t have a good reason.”
“She only said that she wanted it to be that day.”
“I tried to convince her to change the day but she wouldn’t change her mind.”
“I asked E if she would change her plans and we could celebrate her birthday another day but she refused.”
“So I called R and told her I’m not going unless she changes the date because:”
“She could choose any day, she knew it was E’s birthday.”
“E wasn’t invited and I thought it would be very cruel to leave her alone in her birthday.”
“This way they would each have one parent with them which would be fair
She started screaming at me and called me an AH for choosing E over her.”
“I’m starting to feel bad because it was a milestone birthday but I still think I made the right choice.”
“R and her mom disagree so aita?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed the OP was not at all the a**hole to choose skipping R’s birthday so that he could go to E’s.
Everyone agreed R was clearly trying to grab attention or ruffle feathers by intentionally choosing to have her party on E’s birthday, and the OP did absolutely the right thing.
“NTA, she knew what she was doing in planning this.”
“If they do not get along it’s a jab, and an especially cruel one as she knew it would force you to have to choose.”
“I also wonder how much the mom knows about this, planning a whole party on someone else’s day of birth is pretty rude.”- GennieGenocide
“NTA.”
“She picked that day on purpose, now it backfired.”- Independent-Mark-875
“NTA.”
“R knows what she’s doing and it’s pretty cruel of her to do that to her sister, even if she doesn’t like her.”
“Don’t let her get away with that, she has no pressing reason to do so EXCEPT to make E feel bad about being left behind.”
“Good on you for standing up for E.”- Rohini_rambles
“NTA.”
“You were in a pretty diabolical catch-22 there and let’s face it, there’s a good chance that R did that deliberately.”
“It sounds like you did the best you could.”- magnus_the_fish
“She MADE you choose between your daughters.”
“You didn’t want to – and you made that abundantly clear.”
“Not inviting a half sibling you don’t get along with is honestly not an AH move, as long as they have someone safe to stay with in the meantime.”
“BUT purposely having R’s birthday party on E’s ACTUAL birthday is the brattiest move.”
“Especially when she has not given a valid reason to do so.”
“No one deserves to be treated like that on their birthday.”
“That’s cruel.”
“You’re NTA.”- HumbleOrganization71
“NTA Your daughter chose to have it that day, knowing it was E’s birthday.”
“I’m very glad you aren’t leaving E alone on her birthday!”- Mysterious_Damage708
“NTA.”
“You set clear, flexible guidelines and R and her mother wouldn’t bend.”
“You did right by E.”- tallulahtalks
“NTA.”
“There is absolutely no way R is oblivious to what she is doing.”
“This is premeditated attack on your relationship with E, and is being enabled by her mother.”
“You can’t win OP, put your foot down and stick with the knowledge that this is the choice R made, not you.”
“Don’t apologize since that would be admitting fault for this.”
“The only thing you should be taking care of is tracking where this hate between R and E comes from and see if there is something there for you to fix.”
“Did you ever prioritize E over R?”
“Is there something other than this that you actually need to apologise for to fix this situation?”-Â izaby
“NTA, this was a deliberate attempt to ruin her sister’s birthday and put you in a no-win scenario.”
“I WOULD recommend doing something on R’s actual birthday, both to be fair, and to disarm the inevitable ‘you picked E over me for my 16th birthday!'”
“You can remind her that you did celebrate her birthday, but you didn’t fall for her attempt to sabotage her sister’s birthday.”
“If she refuses to see you, have flowers/gift/cake delivered to her.”
“If she refuses her gift or flowers, give them to E-SOMEBODY should get to enjoy them.”-andmewithoutmytowel
“NTA.”
“R tried a power move.”
“It backfired and she didn’t like it.”
“Even if there was a reason for R to have her party on that day you wouldn’t be an AH for not leaving E alone on her birthday.”- ExcellentPatience298
“NTA.”
“You really had no choice at all.”- Honest_Elk_1703
“NTA.”
“She and her mom did it on purpose to hurt E and mess with you.”- Unit-Healthy
“NTA.”
“R is testing you.”
“She wants to know if you love one child more.”
“This is bumpkis, because you can love both children equally.”
“I’m surprised her mother let her schedule her birthday on the same day as your other daughter.”
“You made a hard, but right choice.”
“I hope you and R can work it out.”- debdnow
“NTA.”
“She obviously knew what she was doing when she picked that particular day.”
“You made the right decision.”- Magoo69X
“NTA.”
“You communicated and tried to be rational.”- jrm1102
“Maybe R felt like she needed attention because E sees you every day whereas she rarely gets to spend much time with you.”
“Her way of trying to get this attention was way off though.”
“Definitely was done to spite E.”
“NTA.”- SleepDangerous1074
“NTA.”
“She isn’t stupid, she knows what she’s doing.”
“Her mom can ‘agree’ all she wants, but unless mom can come up with an actual f*cking reason for this happening, then she’s an enabling a**hole and needs to be a better parent.”
“She took a calculated risk that you would be stupid, and she lost.”- AbbyFB6969
“Sounds like an unfortunate spiteful situation at this point.”
“Ya had no way to win here.”
“Hopefully the situation can be addressed with some family counseling cuz these things just don’t go away.”
“NTA.”- WingKing5
“NTA.”
“It reads as if R set you up for failure in her eyes and I think she did it on purpose.”-Â toffifeeandcoffee
“NTA.”
“You were incredibly forthcoming towards R asking her multiple times and showing her that boundaries do exist.”
“She definitely only picked that day because she wanted your other daughter feel left out.”
“Rs mother on the other hand is definitely gaslighting in this situation.”
“Don’t feel bad about it and talk to her later.”
“She’s a teenager that feels left out because she’s not seeing you as often as the daughter that lives with you.”- LookinDown
It does seem like R was deliberately trying to hurt E’s feelings, but scheduling her party on E’s birthday with no intention of inviting her.
Had she thought more carefully, she may have realized that many other feelings were bound to get hurt as well.
Including her own.