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Dad Loses It After Wife Secretly Posts Pictures Of Their Newborn On Instagram Behind His Back

Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash

It can be irresistible to share photos of a new baby on social media. But different people have different ideas of what’s appropriate when it comes to exposing a baby online.

And for one guy on Reddit, disagreement with his wife over this issue turned very dramatic, very quickly.

He wasn’t sure about how he’d handled things, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.

The Original Poster (OP) asked:

“AITA for deleting my newborn son’s Instagram?”

“My wife (30F[emale]) and I (33M[ale]) are what they call a ‘low profile’ when it comes to social media. We both have accounts on most of the most famous platforms, but we post very little. I personally always had a stupid prejudice about people who record every step of their life, but I respect it. I don’t spew hate on anyone for that reason (or any other).”

“Recently my wife and I were born a baby. During pregnancy, we agree that it is ridiculous to post several photos a day of the child or to create exclusive social networks for this. Until a child was born, we had very similar values about children’s exposure on the internet. To exemplify, when she was pregnant, Clara only posted two pictures of her dilated belly.”

“When Daniel was born, Clara posted several pictures of him, which annoyed me, but I didn’t say anything. It was a mother who had just given birth, so I considered it normal behavior. But that didn’t stop as the weeks passed, and I had to complain. Clara was very upset, said that she loved him very much and that he was the most beautiful child she had ever seen. I just rolled my eyes.”

“When our baby was one month old, Clara announced that Daniel had an instagram profile. I exploded and said I didn’t agree with any of this and asked her to delete it. She said I was being totally unreasonable and the child was hers so she would do what she wanted.”

“I said that the child is also mine, and I didn’t want so much exposure. We fought and she went to her mother’s house. I also went to my MIL’s house and slept in the living room, I wasn’t going to miss my son’s moments because of a stupid fight. She got even more annoyed and we went back to our house, but she refused to talk beyond the essentials to me.”

“A month passed and Clara assured me that she deleted the instagram, but that she would continue to post at a lower frequency on her own profile. I agreed to this because it was the best middle ground possible. I came across my wife with 20k followers, and before I had only 1k. I thought this was bizarre.”

“I saw her transforming too, it wasn’t just pictures and videos of Daniel. She was documenting her routine. I’m not a controlling person and I’m not going to say what my wife can and can’t do with her own image.”

“The big problem is that I found out she lied to me. I was blocked from my son’s instagram to think it was deleted. When I found out, I took the cell phone from my wife’s hand and locked myself in my bathroom. I deleted the profile of almost 30k of Daniel’s followers while listening to Clara screaming outside.”

“Nothing happened but silence. She won’t talk to me, her mother claims that Clara will develop post-natal depression after all this stress. I think this is all terribly futile and I start to think I’m a bit of an a**hole for caring so much about it, but at the same time I don’t want that kind of life for my son. I don’t want Daniel’s life living for the sake of being well on camera. I just want him to have a normal childhood.”

“AITA?”

Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And they were pretty firmly on OP’s side on this one:

“How creepy to give the world access to your child for followers….. NTA” –emmcee78

“30,000 people following a baby’s Instagram page… how utterly creepy is that. If it were a private account to share photos with family only that would be different but strangers on the internet looking at your child, how does that not make her skin crawl.” –blue_wine_sloth

“NTA, an infant doesn’t need an Instagram account, plus that should be something you both have access to if you both want it. i feel this would be a 2 yes 1 no situation, she shouldn’t have gone behind your back” –urlocalidiot_com

“This is very bad. Let’s recap. She knew you wouldn’t approve, did it anyway, hid it from you, lied, and then when you found out anyway, had a tantrum, then gave you the slient treatment.”

“Some will argue that it’s her IG account and her business. Some will say that it involves your child, so you have a right to determine what happens here.”

“Whatever side of the debate you’re on, it really doesn’t matter. This is only the beginning. Clara’s lack of co-parenting and conflict resolution skills will continue unless you intervene now. This is less about Instagram, and more about you being able to trust her. It’s about you being able to communicate with her. It’s about her telling you the truth and not hiding things from you.”

“All of this is important enough that I think you need a good marriage counselor. Where this is heading is not good.” –Total-Being-4278

“NTA. And here’s why. Your son did not consent to his life being posted online. There are studies which document the anxiety children feel when they’re old enough for school and find out their entire lives since birth have been documented online. Your wife is using your son as bait to get likes and followers and that sh*t needs to stop.” –DonnerKatze89

Hopefully OP and his wife can find a way through this.

Written by John Sundholm

John Sundholm is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.