Whether it's for the short-term or the long-term, some people unfortunately run into struggles moving around.
Thankfully, many public places—not all but, but more than ever—have offered adaptations to help folks out.
But as one Redditor recently explained in a post on the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit, the usefulness of those adaptations rely on people behaving themselves.
The Original Poster (OP), known as taanxiety234 on the site, hinted at the confusion in the post's title:
"AITA for parking in expectant mother parking at the grocery store?"
OP began with some key background information.
"I have an autoimmune disease that limits my mobility. I have handicapped plates on my car, and on bad days I have a walker to use as I have issues walking."
"Normally I have groceries delivered to my house, but we were expecting bad weather this weekend and wanted to pick up a few things while I was getting my medication refill."
"Because this medication is controlled, I have to show identification to pick it up and they will not deliver it to me.
"I know in a few years I won't be as mobile as I am now, so I try to enjoy my independence and being able to do things for myself, which is why I do not ask my friends or parents to help me with errands unless I absolutely have to."
On a recent errand, OP bumped into an obstacle.
"When I got to the grocery store, all of the handicapped spots were full."
"The only close parking were spots designated for expectant mothers and families with small children, so I did park there because the only other open spots were at the back of the lot, too far for me to walk safely even with my walker."
But there was an audience.
"As I was getting my walker out of the backseat, a woman and her husband pulled up and the woman started shouting at me that I was not allowed to park there, it was reserved for pregnant women."
"I explained that I was disabled and all of the handicapped spots were full, and she started yelling that she needed the spot because she was pregnant."
"The man who was with her told her to stop it and said he would drop her off at the door, and she yelled at him to shut up."
But OP powered through.
"I got my walker out of the backseat and made my way to the pharmacy, got a few treats for the weekend and a word search book in case power went out."
"When I got back to my car, the police were there and so was the woman and man from earlier."
She was left to deal with the drama.
"They called the police and the woman had accused me of having fake handicapped plates and lying about being disabled. The police officer asked to see my license and registration."
"I explained that I had an autoimmune disease that affects my mobility. I assume the police officer checked to see if the handicapped plates were valid because he just handed my stuff back to me and told the woman that there was nothing he could do."
"He said that the spots were a courtesy of the store and they had no control over who parked in them, but did tell her that it should be okay for disabled people to use them when no handicapped spots were available."
This led to plenty of conflicting takes.
"The man who was with her was very upset and just kept apologizing and telling her to drop it but she just kept shouting at me that I had no right to steal the spot away from her because she needed it more."
"I went home and was very upset. I did not think that I did anything wrong by parking there."
"My mother said that I should have just went home and went back out later, my friends think that I was fine to park there because all of the handicapped spots were taken."
"AITA for parking in the expectant mother parking space at the store?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Most Redditors were firmly on OP's side.
"NTA If she had the energy to yell, scream and call the cops on someone with a walker, she had the energy to walk to the store from a regular parking space." -- the_owl_syndicate
"NTA. Expectant Mother spots are not legally protected the same way as handicapped spots. As the police officer said, they are a courtesy of the store (which is why not every store has them)."
"You had a very valid reason for using the spot as it was more than just convenience."
"That woman was just rude. Pregnancy isn't a disability and she had someone with her. Regardless of where her car was parked, she still had the better end of the deal, especially since her husband said he'd drop her and then park." -- AdministrationThis77
"NTA Those spaces are a courtesy of the store. Literally anyone could park in them - it's just a sign. As a person with an actual handicapped placard, it would make far more sense for you to park there than her."
"No wonder her husband was embarrassed. I hope it was just hormones that caused her to react in such an insensitive way." -- graynavyblack
"NTA the police said all that needs to be said- it's ok to use the spots when no handicapped spots are available."
"Also you were alone with no help while she had her husband with her. Like he said, he could just drop her off and she wouldn't be disadvantaged in any way. She's a huge AH for not only ignoring him but calling the police." -- ladyblue56
A few wondered about what happens beyond this parking lot.
"NTA- She is a horrible woman and I feel bad for her husband and future child. Being handicap trumps being pregnant. You were in the right, her entitled a** wasn't in this situation." -- whynot246810
"NTA. That poor, poor husband. His life must be a living hell." -- reditteditred
We hope OP has no trouble parking where she needs to in the future.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.