We've all heard of situations where two people break up, and the loved ones around one of the people, like their friends or family members, will remain close with their ex-partner.
Though it's normal to want to maintain those relationships, it can be awkward for the person who exited the relationship, empathized the members ofĀ the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Nice_Bill_4212 understood that his ex-girlfriend and his mother had grown close while his relationship was still alive, but it was harder to cope with after the breakup.
But when his mother tried to convince him to invite his ex-girlfriend to family gatherings and other important events, including his wedding,Ā the Original Poster (OP) couldn't support their ongoing relationship anymore.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for threatening to ban my mother from attending my wedding and ever meeting her grandchild if she doesn't cut off my ex-girlfriend?"
The OP struggled with still seeing his ex-girlfriend, Adriana, at family gatherings.
"I (28 Male) am marrying my current fiancƩe, Maddy, (24 Female) this November, and we're expecting our first son in February."
"Prior to my current partner, I dated my ex-girlfriend, Adriana (29 Female) for five years."
"Things did not end well with my last relationship. She was upset that I was taking too long to marry her and upset that I wanted to make a career change when it turned out I hated my career that I was starting in human resources."
"Two and a half years ago, she broke up with me despite my telling her that I was close to getting ready to propose to her. I just wanted to finish my school for my new career in healthcare, and then I would be ready."
"It tore me up for long time, especially since over the time we were together, she got very close to my family, particularly my mom. That meant I couldn't even get away from her at some family events, where she was still invited."
Everything changed when the OP met his future wife, Maddy.
"Two years ago, I met Maddy at a work function, and we hit it off immediately."
"We moved in within six months of knowing each other, I had proposed by a year since I had achieved the career track I wanted, and a couple of months ago, we found out she was pregnant."
"I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out for me recently."
Adriana did not take the OP's new relationship well.
"Adriana, learning about how fast things went with Maddy, went ballistic. She called me and said I was a piece of s**t who used her and led her on, and said many vile things to me."
"She started saying awful things about me to any mutuals who could listen, and even started leaving negative reviews at the hospital I work at, naming me by name. Those eventually got taken down, but it was incredibly embarrassing. I spoke with a lawyer to see what my options were, but he said I didn't have many options for relief."
"Last week, after having dealt with this for a while, I ran into her at my mom's birthday party."
"At that party, she happened to 'accidentally' spill a drink on my fiancƩe, and during a speech about my mother, she sniped at me, saying, 'I love this wonderful woman, and am glad she gave birth to three wonderful children' while glaring at me (my mom had four kids). When she was leaving, she also 'accidentally' dinged my car with her driver's side door."
The OP tried to discuss his concerns with his mother, but it did not go well.
"After she left, I sat down with my mother and said that my ex was making my life harder for no reason, listed the things I mentioned above, and asked her not to invite her to events anymore."
"She pushed back, saying that Adriana was a decent friend to her, and she likes Adriana's mother a lot, so it would be difficult for her to cut her off."
"I said that I understand that, but I am asking as her son to support me when somebody is mistreating me."
"She said we'd talk about it further."
When she did nothing about Adriana, the OP set a new boundary.
"Yesterday, I found out that Adriana was coming to my youngest brother's track tournament."
"I called my mom and asked her to uninvite Adriana. She said she couldn't."
"I said, 'Let me make this clearer for you then. If you are saying yes to her, you are saying no to me. If you decide to support her in this, you can consider yourself uninvited to my wedding, and not a part of the family I am building. You can also say goodbye to meeting your first grandchild.'"
"She called me mean and cold. I agreed and said I am about this."
"The fallout from this has been more than I was expecting. Adriana went nuts when my mom cut her off, and I got a bunch of mutuals saying I was a massive a** for destroying the relationship between my mom and Adriana."
"My mom is pretty upset with me, but I know she'll eventually come around."
"My fiancƩe is happy that I am standing up for her and us."
"My question is: Did I go too far? Am I the a**hole for threatening to cut off my mom if she didn't cut off Adriana?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
It was clear to some that Adriana was remaining close to the mom to keep her chance with the OP alive.
"NTA, and it wouldn't surprise me if 1) Adriana thought she still had a chance of getting back with you and 2) if your mother was feeding her information and encouraging it."
"I feel badly for your wife, having to put up with so much disrespect from Adriana and your mother. I cannot imagine going to my partners family events and having to deal with his ex being there all the time, crapping all over your new relationship."
"Your wife has some class, unlike Adriana and your mother." - theworldisonfire8377
"In my opinion, Adriana is ONLY continuing to be friends with the mother in order to keep tabs on OPā¦ AND to cause as much trouble as possible."
"She's made the entire so-called 'friendship' with the mother all about her, her obsession with OP, and is using OP's mother shamelesslyā¦" - NotTheBadOne
"Seriously. How pathetic is Adriana to cling on and interfere when he's seriously moved on to his wife and child?Ā His Mom is a jerk. They can have a happy relationship if they stay in their lane."
"Honestly, as his fiancƩe, I would be bothered too, but she's going to be the mother of grand grandbaby. You can bet Mom will come around when she realizes this woman is the mother of her grandchild, not Adriana." - rackfocus
"Dude, NTA. Who your mom chills with is her biz, but when it starts messing with your life, lines gotta be drawn. Adriana sounds like she's running the psycho ex playbook, page by page."
"Mom's gotta choose. It ain't about destroying a relationship, man, it's about protecting your fam. She'll come round. Good on ya for standing up for your lady and your kiddo. Keep that s**t up, bro." - Soft_Pulse_4650
"NTA. Here's what I don't get.Ā You want to keep a relationship with this girl, fine. Get your mani-pedis, see each other for lunch. That's whatever."
"There's no reason for her to be coming to holidays and birthday parties, etc. Especially if she's causing issues for your son. It's weird." - tsh87
"Adriana ruined her own relationship. If she had just MOVED ON, and found her own happiness and joy, none of this would have been a factor. But she AND her flying monkeys are trying to what? Punish OP for moving on? Grow up. This woman sounds like she is 12, not in her mid-20s." - scarybottom
Others reassured the OP that the best thing to do was to cut his mother off, at least for now.
"Another reason OP needs to cut the mother out of his family's life until she does the right thing. With no extra details from the mother, the psycho ex will start getting bored."
"OP, if you wanna win, keep doing what you're doing! Your mother will come around because grandchildren and children are more important than your son's ex/friend's daughter." - ToastedCrumpet
"Mum shouldn't be the only one in the dog house. Anyone defending the nutbar who intentionally dropped a drink over her ex of almost three years' pregnant fiancƩe is not someone you need in your life."
"If someone can watch that kind of behavior and still try to defend it, they've made it clear where they stand. No way would I want people like that around on one of the biggest days of my life.Ā They can all go, save money on the wedding, and spend it with people who will actually celebrate it." - Beth21286
"If I were youā¦ I would move a very long way away from all of that drama. Adriana is never going to go away. She is always going to try to turn mutual friends and your own family against you. She obviously knew your mom had her back, or she wouldn't have felt so confident in bashing you at your mom's party." - Forsaken-Photo4881
"Mom could've still met up with Adriana outside of family events as she's no longer family... I don't take my friends to family events either, gosh that'd be awkward if everyone did that."
"Also, she spilled a drink over a pregnant woman... What's next, making her trip? Shoving her down the stairs?" - LayaElisaberth
"Not to mention, from what OP was saying, he was happy to stay with her and would eventually have married her, he just wanted to get his life a little more together, which is totally understandable. If she hadn't been so impatient, she likely still would be with OP! OP dodged a bullet for sure, and I am glad he is happy now, but she made her own bed. She can lie in it." - Mean_Guidance_2859
"This has all the vibes of fatal attraction. I'm just waiting for a bunny boil scene. Being friends with your mom is one thing, but to go off the deep end and attack you and your fiancƩe because you found some new after SHE dumped you is beyond the pale."
"Worst case, if she keeps it up, get a restraining order against her for harassment."
"Then she won't have a choice but leave you and your family alone, unless she wants to beĀ arrested, something that would really cramp her style and make her look bad or nuts."
"Marry your wonderful future wife, OP, and then move far, far away. Change your numbers, and enjoy your life together." - Misa7_2006
The subReddit applauded the OP for setting his boundaries and respecting his wife.
If his mother wanted to keep her relationship with his ex-girlfriend that badly, she and his ex-girlfriend could pretend that she was the real "fourth" child in the family and have a friendship with her, while the OP, his wife, and their baby moved on and had a happy life elsewhere.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadnāt interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why canāt she just admit it?"
"Iām so glad Iām long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; itās what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesnāt matter if itās two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesnāt respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Donāt waste another minute of your life on an angry man. Heāll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesnāt need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didnāt know that I could just leave places that I didnāt feel safe in because it wasnāt an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do whatās best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.