We’ve all heard of situations where two people break up, and the loved ones around one of the people, like their friends or family members, will remain close with their ex-partner.
Though it’s normal to want to maintain those relationships, it can be awkward for the person who exited the relationship, empathized the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Nice_Bill_4212 understood that his ex-girlfriend and his mother had grown close while his relationship was still alive, but it was harder to cope with after the breakup.
But when his mother tried to convince him to invite his ex-girlfriend to family gatherings and other important events, including his wedding, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t support their ongoing relationship anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for threatening to ban my mother from attending my wedding and ever meeting her grandchild if she doesn’t cut off my ex-girlfriend?”
The OP struggled with still seeing his ex-girlfriend, Adriana, at family gatherings.
“I (28 Male) am marrying my current fiancée, Maddy, (24 Female) this November, and we’re expecting our first son in February.”
“Prior to my current partner, I dated my ex-girlfriend, Adriana (29 Female) for five years.”
“Things did not end well with my last relationship. She was upset that I was taking too long to marry her and upset that I wanted to make a career change when it turned out I hated my career that I was starting in human resources.”
“Two and a half years ago, she broke up with me despite my telling her that I was close to getting ready to propose to her. I just wanted to finish my school for my new career in healthcare, and then I would be ready.”
“It tore me up for long time, especially since over the time we were together, she got very close to my family, particularly my mom. That meant I couldn’t even get away from her at some family events, where she was still invited.”
Everything changed when the OP met his future wife, Maddy.
“Two years ago, I met Maddy at a work function, and we hit it off immediately.”
“We moved in within six months of knowing each other, I had proposed by a year since I had achieved the career track I wanted, and a couple of months ago, we found out she was pregnant.”
“I couldn’t be happier with how things have turned out for me recently.”
Adriana did not take the OP’s new relationship well.
“Adriana, learning about how fast things went with Maddy, went ballistic. She called me and said I was a piece of s**t who used her and led her on, and said many vile things to me.”
“She started saying awful things about me to any mutuals who could listen, and even started leaving negative reviews at the hospital I work at, naming me by name. Those eventually got taken down, but it was incredibly embarrassing. I spoke with a lawyer to see what my options were, but he said I didn’t have many options for relief.”
“Last week, after having dealt with this for a while, I ran into her at my mom’s birthday party.”
“At that party, she happened to ‘accidentally’ spill a drink on my fiancée, and during a speech about my mother, she sniped at me, saying, ‘I love this wonderful woman, and am glad she gave birth to three wonderful children’ while glaring at me (my mom had four kids). When she was leaving, she also ‘accidentally’ dinged my car with her driver’s side door.”
The OP tried to discuss his concerns with his mother, but it did not go well.
“After she left, I sat down with my mother and said that my ex was making my life harder for no reason, listed the things I mentioned above, and asked her not to invite her to events anymore.”
“She pushed back, saying that Adriana was a decent friend to her, and she likes Adriana’s mother a lot, so it would be difficult for her to cut her off.”
“I said that I understand that, but I am asking as her son to support me when somebody is mistreating me.”
“She said we’d talk about it further.”
When she did nothing about Adriana, the OP set a new boundary.
“Yesterday, I found out that Adriana was coming to my youngest brother’s track tournament.”
“I called my mom and asked her to uninvite Adriana. She said she couldn’t.”
“I said, ‘Let me make this clearer for you then. If you are saying yes to her, you are saying no to me. If you decide to support her in this, you can consider yourself uninvited to my wedding, and not a part of the family I am building. You can also say goodbye to meeting your first grandchild.'”
“She called me mean and cold. I agreed and said I am about this.”
“The fallout from this has been more than I was expecting. Adriana went nuts when my mom cut her off, and I got a bunch of mutuals saying I was a massive a** for destroying the relationship between my mom and Adriana.”
“My mom is pretty upset with me, but I know she’ll eventually come around.”
“My fiancée is happy that I am standing up for her and us.”
“My question is: Did I go too far? Am I the a**hole for threatening to cut off my mom if she didn’t cut off Adriana?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
It was clear to some that Adriana was remaining close to the mom to keep her chance with the OP alive.
“NTA, and it wouldn’t surprise me if 1) Adriana thought she still had a chance of getting back with you and 2) if your mother was feeding her information and encouraging it.”
“I feel badly for your wife, having to put up with so much disrespect from Adriana and your mother. I cannot imagine going to my partners family events and having to deal with his ex being there all the time, crapping all over your new relationship.”
“Your wife has some class, unlike Adriana and your mother.” – theworldisonfire8377
“In my opinion, Adriana is ONLY continuing to be friends with the mother in order to keep tabs on OP… AND to cause as much trouble as possible.”
“She’s made the entire so-called ‘friendship’ with the mother all about her, her obsession with OP, and is using OP’s mother shamelessly…” – NotTheBadOne
“Seriously. How pathetic is Adriana to cling on and interfere when he’s seriously moved on to his wife and child? His Mom is a jerk. They can have a happy relationship if they stay in their lane.”
“Honestly, as his fiancée, I would be bothered too, but she’s going to be the mother of grand grandbaby. You can bet Mom will come around when she realizes this woman is the mother of her grandchild, not Adriana.” – rackfocus
“Dude, NTA. Who your mom chills with is her biz, but when it starts messing with your life, lines gotta be drawn. Adriana sounds like she’s running the psycho ex playbook, page by page.”
“Mom’s gotta choose. It ain’t about destroying a relationship, man, it’s about protecting your fam. She’ll come round. Good on ya for standing up for your lady and your kiddo. Keep that s**t up, bro.” – Soft_Pulse_4650
“NTA. Here’s what I don’t get. You want to keep a relationship with this girl, fine. Get your mani-pedis, see each other for lunch. That’s whatever.”
“There’s no reason for her to be coming to holidays and birthday parties, etc. Especially if she’s causing issues for your son. It’s weird.” – tsh87
“Adriana ruined her own relationship. If she had just MOVED ON, and found her own happiness and joy, none of this would have been a factor. But she AND her flying monkeys are trying to what? Punish OP for moving on? Grow up. This woman sounds like she is 12, not in her mid-20s.” – scarybottom
Others reassured the OP that the best thing to do was to cut his mother off, at least for now.
“Another reason OP needs to cut the mother out of his family’s life until she does the right thing. With no extra details from the mother, the psycho ex will start getting bored.”
“OP, if you wanna win, keep doing what you’re doing! Your mother will come around because grandchildren and children are more important than your son’s ex/friend’s daughter.” – ToastedCrumpet
“Mum shouldn’t be the only one in the dog house. Anyone defending the nutbar who intentionally dropped a drink over her ex of almost three years’ pregnant fiancée is not someone you need in your life.”
“If someone can watch that kind of behavior and still try to defend it, they’ve made it clear where they stand. No way would I want people like that around on one of the biggest days of my life. They can all go, save money on the wedding, and spend it with people who will actually celebrate it.” – Beth21286
“If I were you… I would move a very long way away from all of that drama. Adriana is never going to go away. She is always going to try to turn mutual friends and your own family against you. She obviously knew your mom had her back, or she wouldn’t have felt so confident in bashing you at your mom’s party.” – Forsaken-Photo4881
“Mom could’ve still met up with Adriana outside of family events as she’s no longer family… I don’t take my friends to family events either, gosh that’d be awkward if everyone did that.”
“Also, she spilled a drink over a pregnant woman… What’s next, making her trip? Shoving her down the stairs?” – LayaElisaberth
“Not to mention, from what OP was saying, he was happy to stay with her and would eventually have married her, he just wanted to get his life a little more together, which is totally understandable. If she hadn’t been so impatient, she likely still would be with OP! OP dodged a bullet for sure, and I am glad he is happy now, but she made her own bed. She can lie in it.” – Mean_Guidance_2859
“This has all the vibes of fatal attraction. I’m just waiting for a bunny boil scene. Being friends with your mom is one thing, but to go off the deep end and attack you and your fiancée because you found some new after SHE dumped you is beyond the pale.”
“Worst case, if she keeps it up, get a restraining order against her for harassment.”
“Then she won’t have a choice but leave you and your family alone, unless she wants to be arrested, something that would really cramp her style and make her look bad or nuts.”
“Marry your wonderful future wife, OP, and then move far, far away. Change your numbers, and enjoy your life together.” – Misa7_2006
The subReddit applauded the OP for setting his boundaries and respecting his wife.
If his mother wanted to keep her relationship with his ex-girlfriend that badly, she and his ex-girlfriend could pretend that she was the real “fourth” child in the family and have a friendship with her, while the OP, his wife, and their baby moved on and had a happy life elsewhere.