There are some things you can never joke about when you're married, at least for our Redditor who felt emasculated.
When a guy's wife blabbed about something that he never expected would come out of her mouth in front of friends, he seriously considered making a unilateral decision.
Wracked with guilt over his contemplation, he visited the "Am I the A** Hole?" subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Jumpy_Discipline5926 asked:
"AITAH for thinking about divorcing my wife after she drunkenly exposed me to our group of friends?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Guys, I literally don't know what to do after this weekend. Posting from a burner account since I am connected with a lot of friends and family on my account."
"The issue here happened Saturday night. We had our friend group over. There are 6 of us couples in there and we were hosting at our house. The night was progressing pretty normal, we had done dinner and were just hanging on the couches chatting."
"Everyone had been drinking over the course of the evening so we were all pretty comfy. My wife Amy (all names fake) was talking with one of other girls about my new job. I recently got a promotion that comes with a nice raise."
"The down side is that I have to travel a decent amount (up to 2 weeks a month, but only 3-4 days at a time at most). We were excited for the changes the extra income will provide and how it will change our future so the travel was something we agreed to being worth it."
The OP continued:
"As they were chatting her friend Pamela was talking about how they make it work since her husband also travels for work a lot. The conversation was actually quite helpful honestly in a lot of ways as there were some good ideas in there!"
"That is until it happened. Heidi jokingly said 'and be sure to order some sex toys that are the same size as him so you can still have sex while he is gone!' Now she was giggling, just making light of the fact that I would be gone and that the biggest challenge they had was the interruption to their sex life. No harm in this right?"
"That is until my wife says it. 'I don't think they make them that tiny.' Guys - I went totally pale. Everyone stopped talking and you could just feel the awkwardness in the room."
"I think she realized what she had said because she tried to back peddle. But the damage was done. I just stared at her in disbelief. She just kept trying to back peddle and saying 'I'm so sorry.' "
"I just stood up and walked out. I didn't know what to say or do. I headed over to a buddies house (I was sober, I don't drink). I didn't tell him the story just that we had an argument. But I feel so violated by Amy."
The OP shared the following statistic.
"Now the back story here - what she said is most likely true. I am not endowed, at all. I have known this my whole life basically. Any guy can back me up when I say we are all conscious of our size. I'm just under 3" erect."
"I have ALWAYS been super insecure about it. But our sex life also was never lacking because I made up for it in other ways in the bedroom and she has never lacked in the orgasm department we just get there order ways sometimes."
"Now here is where I feel like the AH - I want to divorce her. I feel so violated. I feel like I can never see these friends again. I feel like ALL they will be thinking about when I am around is her comment and, well 'How tiny is it really.' "
"But my AH feeling comes in because I also have known for a long time that it is small, so I steered into the skis, I guess you could say, and am more submissive in the bedroom and enjoy it when she pokes fun at it in the bedroom. But that was just us."
"But I just feel so violated with it being now public knowledge. But I also may have made my bed here by being okay with the dirty talk? I don't know."
"And for those wondering yes she has called and texted a ton yesterday apologizing for outing me, but I told her I needed space for a bit."
"Honestly I don't even know if I'll read the replies. I just needed to vent this somewhere, and I have no one to talk to about it. My buddy I'm staying with just thinks we had a fight. I feel so lost."
"I feel like an AH, but just don't know if I can trust her again or feel secure enough to see any of them again."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"Naw man. She doubled down on her statement by saying, 'I'm so sorry,' letting everyone know it was the truth. Just kidding. he's huge and would have covered the backpedaling. She acknowledged it as true, and you leaving embarrassed,triple downed the statement. NTA. That was deliberate." – Blackwater2646
"NTA."
"That is a deep hurt she rendered you, in front of your friends."
"Thinking what you think, feeling what you feel-those never make you an a**hole."
"it takes actions to make an a**hole."
"So, if you do decide this is worthy of divorce, be clear with yourself as to what it will remedy and what it will not."
"The words, in company, will never be unsaid. So, in terms of how you feel exposed in front of those friends-divorce will not help that."
"If in all other ways (or enough other ways) you have been happy in your marriage, then it may help you to get counseling for yourself, and possibly yourselves as a couple."
"She may have been drunk, but she said it. She needs to take responsibility for it, and uncover why she would say such a demeaning thing about you. Is there some unhappiness in your marriage that she was paying you back for?"
"This is above Reddit's pay grade to fully resolve, but above all, you are NTA."
"And you are ENOUGH. You are a man deserving of respect and love from your partner."
"I hope you find a way through to heal yourself." – RubyTx
"She violated your boundaries and humiliated you in front of your friends. Drunk or not, she showed a lack of respect for you - and respect is fundamental in a relationship."
"Whether you try to salvage this or not is up to you. I think that, even if you do, you may need to find a new group of friends, and that is a big ask. I'm of the mind that the only antidote to public humiliation is public lionization, in terms of her respect for you, but that won't change what the old friends heard."
"Either way, NTA." – Thumatingra
"NTA I don't think alcohol is a valid excuse for saying that in front of her friends. I'm not as big as most of those toys either, so don't feel too bad. Most people aren't."
"Also, a lot of women can't orgasm from penetration alone regardless of your size."
"It was a gross violation of your trust. People who have seen you naked have seen you at your most vulnerable. If you commented on her body as a man, they probably would have burned you at the stake ."
"I don't know if you can come back from that. If you want to try counseling, you can. For me, I don't think counseling would help. I wouldn't trust her or be attracted to her anymore. That is such a big turn off when someone insults your physique." – tigerofjiangdong1337
"NTA. My husband was on the smaller side (never mattered to me) but he was super insecure about it. I would have NEVER said anything like that in front of my friends. My friends had asked about his size because some of my friends are kinda immature, and all I said was 'no complaints here.' It was the truth, and his insecurity never needed to come to light."
"Before kids, I had barely there boobs. I hated it and didn't feel sexy or like a woman. If anyone I was with made some kind of comment about my boobs like that in front of a bunch of people, I don't think I would ever be able to let it go."
"IMO, if she didn't have a problem with your size, that comment wouldn't have been made." – Purple_Driver6815
Overall, Redditors remained a constant voice of support for the OP.
They also agreed that his wife definitely crossed a line, one that is hard to come back from.
Do you think the remark made at the husband's expense was beyond the pale?
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.