There are some things you can never joke about when you’re married, at least for our Redditor who felt emasculated.
When a guy’s wife blabbed about something that he never expected would come out of her mouth in front of friends, he seriously considered making a unilateral decision.
Wracked with guilt over his contemplation, he visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Jumpy_Discipline5926 asked:
“AITAH for thinking about divorcing my wife after she drunkenly exposed me to our group of friends?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Guys, I literally don’t know what to do after this weekend. Posting from a burner account since I am connected with a lot of friends and family on my account.”
“The issue here happened Saturday night. We had our friend group over. There are 6 of us couples in there and we were hosting at our house. The night was progressing pretty normal, we had done dinner and were just hanging on the couches chatting.”
“Everyone had been drinking over the course of the evening so we were all pretty comfy. My wife Amy (all names fake) was talking with one of other girls about my new job. I recently got a promotion that comes with a nice raise.”
“The down side is that I have to travel a decent amount (up to 2 weeks a month, but only 3-4 days at a time at most). We were excited for the changes the extra income will provide and how it will change our future so the travel was something we agreed to being worth it.”
The OP continued:
“As they were chatting her friend Pamela was talking about how they make it work since her husband also travels for work a lot. The conversation was actually quite helpful honestly in a lot of ways as there were some good ideas in there!”
“That is until it happened. Heidi jokingly said ‘and be sure to order some sex toys that are the same size as him so you can still have sex while he is gone!’ Now she was giggling, just making light of the fact that I would be gone and that the biggest challenge they had was the interruption to their sex life. No harm in this right?”
“That is until my wife says it. ‘I don’t think they make them that tiny.’ Guys – I went totally pale. Everyone stopped talking and you could just feel the awkwardness in the room.”
“I think she realized what she had said because she tried to back peddle. But the damage was done. I just stared at her in disbelief. She just kept trying to back peddle and saying ‘I’m so sorry.’ ”
“I just stood up and walked out. I didn’t know what to say or do. I headed over to a buddies house (I was sober, I don’t drink). I didn’t tell him the story just that we had an argument. But I feel so violated by Amy.”
The OP shared the following statistic.
“Now the back story here – what she said is most likely true. I am not endowed, at all. I have known this my whole life basically. Any guy can back me up when I say we are all conscious of our size. I’m just under 3” erect.”
“I have ALWAYS been super insecure about it. But our sex life also was never lacking because I made up for it in other ways in the bedroom and she has never lacked in the orgasm department we just get there order ways sometimes.”
“Now here is where I feel like the AH – I want to divorce her. I feel so violated. I feel like I can never see these friends again. I feel like ALL they will be thinking about when I am around is her comment and, well ‘How tiny is it really.’ “
“But my AH feeling comes in because I also have known for a long time that it is small, so I steered into the skis, I guess you could say, and am more submissive in the bedroom and enjoy it when she pokes fun at it in the bedroom. But that was just us.”
“But I just feel so violated with it being now public knowledge. But I also may have made my bed here by being okay with the dirty talk? I don’t know.”
“And for those wondering yes she has called and texted a ton yesterday apologizing for outing me, but I told her I needed space for a bit.”
“Honestly I don’t even know if I’ll read the replies. I just needed to vent this somewhere, and I have no one to talk to about it. My buddy I’m staying with just thinks we had a fight. I feel so lost.”
“I feel like an AH, but just don’t know if I can trust her again or feel secure enough to see any of them again.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Naw man. She doubled down on her statement by saying, ‘I’m so sorry,’ letting everyone know it was the truth. Just kidding. he’s huge and would have covered the backpedaling. She acknowledged it as true, and you leaving embarrassed,triple downed the statement. NTA. That was deliberate.” – Blackwater2646
“NTA.”
“That is a deep hurt she rendered you, in front of your friends.”
“Thinking what you think, feeling what you feel-those never make you an a**hole.”
“it takes actions to make an a**hole.”
“So, if you do decide this is worthy of divorce, be clear with yourself as to what it will remedy and what it will not.”
“The words, in company, will never be unsaid. So, in terms of how you feel exposed in front of those friends-divorce will not help that.”
“If in all other ways (or enough other ways) you have been happy in your marriage, then it may help you to get counseling for yourself, and possibly yourselves as a couple.”
“She may have been drunk, but she said it. She needs to take responsibility for it, and uncover why she would say such a demeaning thing about you. Is there some unhappiness in your marriage that she was paying you back for?”
“This is above Reddit’s pay grade to fully resolve, but above all, you are NTA.”
“And you are ENOUGH. You are a man deserving of respect and love from your partner.”
“I hope you find a way through to heal yourself.” – RubyTx
“She violated your boundaries and humiliated you in front of your friends. Drunk or not, she showed a lack of respect for you – and respect is fundamental in a relationship.”
“Whether you try to salvage this or not is up to you. I think that, even if you do, you may need to find a new group of friends, and that is a big ask. I’m of the mind that the only antidote to public humiliation is public lionization, in terms of her respect for you, but that won’t change what the old friends heard.”
“Either way, NTA.” – Thumatingra
“NTA I don’t think alcohol is a valid excuse for saying that in front of her friends. I’m not as big as most of those toys either, so don’t feel too bad. Most people aren’t.”
“Also, a lot of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone regardless of your size.”
“It was a gross violation of your trust. People who have seen you naked have seen you at your most vulnerable. If you commented on her body as a man, they probably would have burned you at the stake .”
“I don’t know if you can come back from that. If you want to try counseling, you can. For me, I don’t think counseling would help. I wouldn’t trust her or be attracted to her anymore. That is such a big turn off when someone insults your physique.” – tigerofjiangdong1337
“NTA. My husband was on the smaller side (never mattered to me) but he was super insecure about it. I would have NEVER said anything like that in front of my friends. My friends had asked about his size because some of my friends are kinda immature, and all I said was ‘no complaints here.’ It was the truth, and his insecurity never needed to come to light.”
“Before kids, I had barely there boobs. I hated it and didn’t feel sexy or like a woman. If anyone I was with made some kind of comment about my boobs like that in front of a bunch of people, I don’t think I would ever be able to let it go.”
“IMO, if she didn’t have a problem with your size, that comment wouldn’t have been made.” – Purple_Driver6815
Overall, Redditors remained a constant voice of support for the OP.
They also agreed that his wife definitely crossed a line, one that is hard to come back from.
Do you think the remark made at the husband’s expense was beyond the pale?