Everyone thinks kids are so sensitive to everything.
Or is the world raising them that way?
Issues with lessons in schools has become a uniquely heated topic.
There seems to be no escaping drama there.
Case in point...
Redditor deadfamily88 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for having my daughter write a 'morbid' school family tree project?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My biological family is dead."
"I was raised in foster care, and so my friends are my family."
"I met my late husband in college."
"He was just raised by his mother, who had abandoned him and later died (no adoptive family)."
"As an adult, I've looked into both trees and our biological ancestors are, to put it mildly, really dangerous people and/or dead."
"My late husband and older son died in a car crash."
"My daughter is in kindergarten and she, more accurately me, was supposed to do a family tree project for school."
"I tried speaking to her teacher that this was not going to be a Pollyanna report."
"But she is one of those people that can't comprehend that sometimes family is a dark subject, and insisted that it needed to be biological."
"So, I did it."
"Some of them, like her father and my son, I have actual information for aside from that they're dead."
"But for most of my family and her paternal family, I literally only have birth date, death date, when they would have had their kids, and cemetery information, unless they were cremated."
"It was supposed to have 10 pictures, but most of the pictures I have of any ancestors are just headstones."
"I made a trip when my husband and I first married to take pictures of the headstones, so I included those in there."
"I only have 3 pictures total of my biological family, and most of them are group shots where I could only label maybe 3 people."
"I don't have any pictures of my late husband's family from before me and my kids, but I put some of the old ones in there too."
"So while the other kids had long family trees, my daughter was basically introducing the concept of death to her kindergarten class."
"Now I'm getting slammed with calls from other parents, the teacher, and the principal."
"They're appalled that I allowed such a 'morbid' report and are saying I traumatized their children."
"I don't think I did anything wrong."
"They wanted a report on her biological ancestors, I gave it, and kept it G-rated."
"I just didn't lie that people were alive when they weren't."
"I don't raise her to think that death is taboo or something to be ashamed of anyway."
"Death is part of life."
"Most of her/my family is dead, so talking about family just means talking about death, and it's just something you have to accept."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. The concept of life and death is complex for kindergarten age children."
"However, you warned the teacher and she was clear about what she expected from the project."
"Also, r/MaliciousCompliance might enjoy this story." ~ Virulencer
"I'm a teacher and this was a lesson I had to learn while still in college."
"My professor had us do family trees and we had to go back as far as we could."
"My college was oddly diverse for a town so small, so we had a lot of different backgrounds participating in this project."
"One guy traced his family all the way back to the Mayflower."
"I'm Black, so it's pretty obvious that I couldn't go past 1865."
"Several of my classmates come from adoptive/foster families or just have no idea who their parents are."
"The assignment couldn't be completed as directed."
"When the next class meeting was held, he explained to us that we're going to run into similar issues in our own classrooms."
"Our students will come from all walks of life and we have to be mindful and respectful of that."
"I do a family tree project every year."
"I teach Spanish."
"I make sure that the kids know that the purpose of the project is to have them work with the vocabulary."
"It doesn't have to be their actual family."
"I show them my actual family tree as an example, and then I also show them the Lion King family tree as an alternative."
"I've gotten some dope-a** projects as a result."
"One kid did a poster with tinker bell's family tree."
"Another just decided that she wanted to use her own family, and substitute the members that she didn't like with some of her favorite celebrities."
"One child decided to make his family tree out of his favorite teachers and no-so-subtly demonstrate which of us he shipped."
"We should always be sensitive to our students' home lives."
"That s**t is important."
"Edit: Wow you guys."
"I came home from work, (retail, not my teaching job) and I saw all of these lovely and encouraging replies in my inbox and now I'm crying!"
"You guys are so sweet."
"I often doubt if I'm even a good teacher, but your kid words mean so f**king much."
"I want to thank all of you individually, but there's way too many and I'm super ready for a nap."
"Thank you guys so much."
"And if any of you have questions about teaching or anything, my inbox is open." ~ theoretical**ckjokes
"Fellow teacher here, and I just want to say that I freaking LOVE this project!"
"Kudos to you for being sensitive and inclusive to your students while also creating a meaningful learning experience that allows their creativity to shine."
"I'm willing to bet that you get to learn a lot about your kiddos through the way they approach this project (and not just about their family circumstances)."
"I am also willing to bet that this is an activity that really helps you build a positive and supportive classroom community; doing something like this is a clear signal that you value and respect them as individuals."
"That sense of safety can't be faked."
"Your students are really lucky to have you!" ~ fuzzgirl619
"I'm going to recommend the book Signs of Safety as an amazing toolkit for how to do that kind of thing."
"Totally changed how I practice, and really practical stuff not just theory."
"It gives you questions like, Who would you call when you have to make a hard decision?"
"Who gives you the best advice?"
"If you couldn't pick your child up from school, who would you call to come get them?"
"Lots of questions to help draw out who is in their lives."
"At the end we have a big complex map and I get to say, look at all the support you have! Wow!" ~ RainahReddit
"I love how you made it clear and pointed what the purpose of the assignment was—to have them focus and work on vocabulary."
"I work in education and I’d say the majority of teachers are good, and work so hard."
"But many of them do not grasp that there is nothing wrong with letting the kids know what the 'meat' of an assignment is."
"Some seem to think that the kids will intuitively know, or that the 'good students' will strive for it."
"But I have observed that all it seems to do is create anxiety for students who then don’t know where they should put the majority of their time and effort."
"Too many teachers spend too much time on Pinterest and want these 'magical' projects."
"Sure—that’s great, and they’re nice for putting on the bulletin board in the hallway."
"But it is far better to focus on making the aim clear, and letting the kids bring the creativity naturally, rather than forcing it." ~ HappyLucyD
"Fellow Spanish teacher I do the same."
"I even will let them make up everything as long as it's labeled correctly."
"Want Trump to be married to Michelle Obama with Joe Biden as their son?"
"Sure! Just use the correct words!!"
"OP NTAH. That teacher really needs to think about where her students come from." ~ mlrst61
"Honestly, I find this hard to believe."
"As a parent myself I'm somewhat surprised there are a bunch of 5 year olds that don't have any concept of death at all."
"My daughter is 4 and we've been talking about it since she was 3 and could, because death comes up in conversations, the news, TV, life."
"Other people's kids don't ask 'and who is your mom?'"
"'And who is her mom?' etc and you have to at some point answer 'great grandma is dead, but her name was . . . .'"
"Or in my case, my mother, but she defiantly asked back generations."
"But I'm more shocked at the idea that the teacher could do this project and expect no one to have dead relatives?"
"I feel like so many kids have at least one dead grandparents."
"I dunno, half the class?"
"And the whole concept of ancestors is going to involve most of our ancestors not being around anymore, right?"
"How is this even discussed with no concept of death?"
"Anyway, NTA, obviously."
"The only thing I can imagine is they are shocked/upset with the headstones as photos?" ~ TheHatOnTheCat
"OMG! OP's kid's teacher needed a nice mind blowing to comprehend that the world isn't perfect." ~ shynerdnextdoor
"Also, the teacher is lucky that the 'biological family only' comment didn't blow up in her face and land her in the principal's office for insensitivity."
"Are there no same-sex parents with kids in that school? Or adopted kids?"
"The family tree project is kind of outdated, in that a lot of people still think of this as a 'who shares my DNA tree,' rather than a 'who takes care of me and loves me and protects me' kind of tree."
"That teacher needs a wake-up call, and it sounds like OP delivered."
"I just hope she listens and doesn't push the snooze button on this." ~ NotSoAverage_sister
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
You gave warning and did the assignment to the best of your ability.
Plus "art" is subjective.
Good luck with the rest of the school year.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.