We all know that we have different beliefs, even from those we love the most.
But sometimes those differences will show themselves in surprising places, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
While on a family vacation, Redditor teppet234 was happy to see how much her son loved the performance they were watching and encouraged his love of dance.
But when her father-in-law began to make homophobic comments, the Original Poster (OP) felt like she had no choice but to shut it down.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for treating my Father-in-Law (FIL) like a fool in public?”
The OP was enjoying her time on a family vacation.
“My husband and I are on vacation with our four-year-old son. Well, technically my husband is his stepdad but he might as well be his biological dad.”
“My husband’s parents came as well. I had no issue with this, we get along fine.”
“Anyways, we were all walking around enjoying our time when we saw some teens and young adults dancing really well.”
“My son loves music and dancing, so he was excited and practically begged us to watch them perform. They were great, extremely talented, and my son enjoyed it.”
The OP and her husband had different views of the dancers than her in-laws.
“The song and dance were pretty ‘feminine,’ but two of the dancers were male.”
“The dance was NOT sexual or anything like that, it was on the cuter side and what one would stereotype as ‘feminine’ because of certain gestures and the singer being a woman.”
“The male dancers were also wearing makeup and one had a crop top on so that furthered the whole ‘feminine’ dancing thing.”
“My husband and I thought nothing of this and neither did my son.”
“But my in-laws were put off. My FIL looked a little disgusted, for a lack of better words, and he was especially concerned when he noticed my son trying to mimic their dancing.”
Her father-in-law’s follow-up comments shocked the OP.
“My son was so hyped up and the dancers noticed, I guess, so they thanked him and even engaged with him a bit. It was a lovely sight.”
“Not even going to lie, it might’ve been the best part of the vacation. I’ve never seen my kid that happy.”
“But after we left and sat down at a restaurant, my FIL started ranting about the ‘gay bulls**t he had to witness.'”
“My husband told him to relax and not swear in front of our son, but my FIL was p**sed and said that we’re being brainwashed and allowing our child to turn into one of them.”
The OP called her father-in-law out on this.
“I rolled my eyes and said, ‘Boys that dance… how scary.'”
“My FIL was like, ‘That’s not what I mean.'”
“I replied, ‘My bad, boys that dance with glitter on… even scarier… I’m traumatized!”
“I then asked my son if he was traumatized, which he obviously didn’t understand, so he just giggled.”
“My FIL got up and left, saying that he refuses to be treated like a fool in public.”
The family felt like the trip was ruined.
“My MIL whisper-yelled at me after that, saying I just ruined the trip and I should’ve just kept my big mouth shut.”
“My husband didn’t care and said his dad had it coming but that it did ruin the trip.”
“My FIL was p**sed at me the whole time and even ranted to a poor waiter the next night about how he gets treated like dirt by his son and DIL (Daughter-in-Law) for simply voicing his concerns.”
“He’s also insisting that we should’ve had a mature conversation instead of me mocking him and ‘involving’ my son.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Most Redditors felt the OP was justified in pointing out her concerns about her FIL’s views.
“NTA.”
“That ‘gay bulls**t he had to witness,’ what is gay about dancing? Confront him with his homophobia. I like you. FIL could have shut his mouth too.”
“And you said, ‘He’s also insisting that we should’ve had a mature conversation instead of me mocking him and ‘involving’ my son,’ who is he fooling? He would not have listened to that, and he knows he is wrong.” – Amar_Akbar_Anthony20
“NTA. Being such a bigot that you can’t keep it to yourself isn’t voicing a concern, and his humiliation over being such a bigot sounds long overdue.”
“And that thing about, ‘He’s also insisting that we should’ve had a mature conversation instead of me mocking him,’ you mean the guy who got visibly upset by dancing then cursed and acted homophobic in front of your child is insisting that?”
“Time to take away Grandpa’s cable ‘news.'” – thefanciestcat
“Only adults get to demand adult conversations. If your FIL is acting like a fool, heʻs gotta expect to be treated like one. Neither Dancing nor Glitter has ever turned anyone gay. I checked, I tried, it doesnʻt work. Tragic but true.”
“NTA, OP. Love that you’re encouraging your kiddo to live his bliss.” – GeneralLei
“NTA.”
“Everyone always enables his behavior by letting him rant and swallowing their own feelings. He has some serious issues, and you need to be a role model for your son on dealing with that sort of behavior.” – cryinoverwangxian
“For the people who think the OP’s husband should have handled this, I get this take, but as someone whose parents grew up in rural Arkansas and are a horrid product of their time, it’s not that simple.”
“The amount of times I’ve has the conversation with my dad about how Trans people being Trans has literally no effect on his life, or a gay person being allowed to get married has, again, no effect on his life, just makes me want to cry.”
“All in the name of their religion, the cult of Church of Christ, where they’re the only ones going to Heaven (yeah even the Baptists are wrong, so they can’t go), and them voicing their (very wrong and bigoted) opinions is what’s required by their God. My dad literally thinks that by voicing that being gay is ‘wrong,’ he’s doing something right by the church’s standards.”
“After dealing with this for most of my life, I feel like OP’s husband is probably in the same boat, where you can have a full-blown argument about it or just say, ‘Don’t say that in front of my kid,’ and try to move past it.”
“My dad is almost 70 years old, and as much as I love him because he’s my dad and was a wonderful father to me, he is also a bigot, and his church teaches him that that’s how he should be. I don’t know how you navigate that at this point without fighting it or just trying to brush over it while you’re out in public.”
“However, I have called my dad out on his remarks enough that it is RARE he says something like that in front of me anymore. Hopefully, by OP doing the same, eventually, her FIL won’t make those comments in front of her even if he still feels that way.”
“OP, NTA, and good luck with all of this. You’re raising your child right, and that’s something to be proud of!” – erin_bex
Others argued that the OP should have set a better example for her son regarding the exchange.
“YTA. Doesn’t matter that your FIL is bigot. You are setting a terrible example to your son about how parents should be treated. Maybe it’ll be your turn one day. Serves you right if you get treated with a total lack of respect.” – oodjamaflip
“YTA. He is an a-hole.”
“You are, too, because you chose to not talk through something in front of your child, who will model your behaviors over time. Maybe not this one, but this is not how to teach your son to deal with people you don’t agree with.”
“FIL is an a-hole for ALL the reasons you listed and probably a whole bunch more.”
“BTW… it is your husband’s dad. Why is your husband not acting the like the adult in the room with his own father?” – RMN1999_V2
“YTA. You SHOULD have had an adult conversation.” – NoMathematician4660
“ESH. Him for obvious reasons, but you went about in a horrible way. You should have tried to be mature about it first before resorting to sarcasm.” – IceLantern
“ESH. Your FIL for being a homophobic d**k, your husband for not handling his parents, and you for mocking him and involving the kid.”
“It could have been a teachable moment for all. But it was a divisive one.”
“It’s hard, but to combat homophobia, you don’t mock it. You use the opportunity to unpack why it is your FIL was so bothered and then educate him on why he is looking at things wrong. Matter of fact, he’s the brainwashed one.”
“Is he a Zeppelin fan? For instance? I would have asked if he has a problem with Robert Plant wearing women’s clothes. Find the common ground and then destroy your enemy’s arguments from the inside out.” – wallybuddybingbang
“ESH. Your FIL was childish and bigoted. But don’t use your son as a pawn in arguments. It’s a really unhealthy dynamic that will hurt your son down the road.” – Pubby88
Though everyone could get behind the OP supporting her son’s passions, they were much more divided on how the OP handled the situation. Some were glad the OP had spoken up to teach her son that these comments were unacceptable, but others were worried the OP was, in turn, teaching her son to be disrespectful instead.