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Former Escort Has Perfect Response After Fiancé’s Dad Makes Suggestive Joke About Her Past

A female escort and man lay in bed as he retrieves money from his wallet
Tero Vesalainen/Getty Images

Everyone has secrets from the past they’d rather not discuss.

So why is it others can’t let people have peace about the past sometimes?

And if someone’s past comes up… are jokes appropriate?

Case in point…

Redditor Exciting_Stick_2674 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for embarrassing my F[ather] I[n] L[aw] after I repeatedly asked him to explain his joke to me?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (27 F[emale]) used to be an ‘escort’ from 18 until I was 23.”

“I’m not proud of it, but I also don’t give a f**k because I did what I had to do to keep studying and keep a roof over my head.”

“That’s how I met my now fiancé (37 M[ale]) though he was never my client.”

“We began to date when I was 25.”

“And three or four months after that his B[rother] I[n] L[aw] ”exposed me” (no idea how he found out) because there’s no way my fiancé knew and thus we had to come clean in front of his whole family.”

“Yes, I did that. Yes, he knows. Yes, he doesn’t care.”

“It was 2 years ago (at that time), we got over it.”

“After that, there was a span of 3-4 months in where my M[other] I[n] L[aw] and some of my fiancé’s aunts and cousin ‘police’ their husbands when I was around.”

“It was really weird to be honest because these dudes were like 40-60 years old and I wasn’t that desperate, so my fiancé shut their bull**it up hard.”

“And even when his family still gives me the side eye from time to time, we thought it was behind us.”

“He proposed last year and five months ago we found out that I was pregnant.”

“We were really happy about it, and we told his family as soon as we knew.”

“His sisters and young brother were happy for us.”

“But his mom took me aside and begged me to be honest with her and asked if this was really my fiancé’s child.”

“I was taken aback, but I just rolled my eyes and said yes.”

“She gave me some shi**y speech about how ‘she only wanted to make sure’ and that ‘she was happy to be a grandmother.'”

“Well, last weekend we were at his parents’ with his family and some of his friends, and we were talking about the name.”

“How he might look (small talk, we will love him regardless but there’s always some ‘Oh I hope he gets your nose!’ or ‘mmh I like your eyes, I hope he gets them’ comments).”

“And my FIL said that he and his children have a birthmark in the inner tight and that even his grandchildren (one of my S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s kids) got them, so our baby might too.”

“And then he said ‘But how can we know from who he got it? It may as well be from me, my boy, or my brothers’ and he and his brothers began to laugh.”

“My fiancé got mad and before he could say anything I said ” don’t get it’ and my FIL was ‘yeah because it runs in the family’

“And I said again ‘I don’t get it, why would he get it from you?’

“And he began to get nervous and said ‘because you know… it’s just a joke OP.’

“And I said ”But I don’t get it, and you all laughed, explain.'”

“It got to the point that some of his friends said ‘hey, it’s not funny’ so he excused himself and left.”

“Later my fiancé’s BIL came to me and said that I was wrong for embarrassing him like that in his own house and that I knew what the joke was about and because of my past, I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Now they’re all demanding that I apologize to my FIL.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“You know you’re NTA.”

“They’re sexually harassing you, aggressively, in a family setting.”

“Honestly I would have added ‘it sounds like you’re implying that we’ve had sex, and I don’t understand why that’s a joke you’d make to your daughter in law.'”

“FIL clearly knows he’s wrong.”

“I say push back as hard as you can.”  ~ suchahotmess

“NTA. You did EXACTLY what needed to be done.”

“If you allow them to make these jokes without calling them out it will NEVER stop.”

“They will NEVER let this go.”

“Every child will be scrutinized, and you will be miserable.”

“And screw BIL for outing you like that. How awful.”

“You tell him YOU will apologize when THEY apologize for sexually harassing you.”

“You tell him that he has NO RIGHT to denigrate you, that you did your job for good money and you are done.”

“You tell him that they are being pigs and THEY need to stop.”

“Do NOT back down.”

“If your man backs you up, awesome.”

“Actually, how DID your guy react when you got home?”

“I know he got mad at FIL but what did he say when you got home?”  ~ Fantastic_Weakness19

“The thing I can’t wrap my brain around is how no one else in the family had an issue with his ‘joke.'”

“Granted my children are under 7 so I have a few more years, but if my husband EVER makes an inappropriate comment like that to whomever my sons decide to be with, I will hurt him in extremely creative ways.”

“I get that the OPs MIL sounds just as toxic, but the ‘joke’ was still sexual harassment, and no female in that group should be ok or comfortable with that.”

“OP, you may not know it, but you hold the cards.”

“YOU get to decide who has access to your unborn child and any future children y’all have.”

“You get to decide who gets a wedding invite.”

“You get to choose who gets to be in your life.”

“Try as hard as you can to stay in open communication with your fiance so y’all have a united front against the toxicity.”

“You and your child have to come first now, to you and to him.”

“A strong partner can make all the difference with toxic in-laws.”

“Also, obviously NTA. At all.”  ~ GloomyEducation6110

“NTA. FIL literally made a joke about him or other men from the family impregnating you.”

“How that would make you the a**hole is beyond me.”

“How does one even get to crossing that kind of line? Wtf!”

“I’d like to add that I was under the impression that jokes are supposed to be funny.”

“I’d like FIL to explain to us not only the ‘joke’ he made, but the way jokes work in general.”

“Where’s the setup? What’s the punchline?”  ~ MiruTheSloth

“NTA. Look blank and continue to ask for an explanation.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Why should I apologize?”

“How did I embarrass him about the joke he chose to tell?”

‘What was the joke about? Why was he embarrassed?”

“He insulted me? How? Why do you think I should apologize for that?”

“Make them all explain their sh*t and think carefully about how much you want these people in your kids like.”  ~ tealcandtrip

“Yep. Honestly, I wouldn’t let them around my kid.”

“This isn’t okay and is likely not going to stop.”

“NTA, but please consider what kind of relationship you want these monsters to have with your child.” ~ Intelligent_Sundae_5

“Exactly. And god forbid the child doesn’t have the birthmark (very possible, because genetics/phenotypes like that aren’t always 100%).”

“You know their first thought will be to suggest the baby isn’t OP’s fiancé’s.”

“OP, her partner, and their child do not deserve to deal with that.” 

“Absolutely NTA.”  ~ socomeslove

“Your FIL should apologize to YOU as should all of them.”

“You did absolutely the right thing.”

“You kept your cool in a moment when others were being nasty and offensive to you.”

“If explaining his ‘joke’ made him so uncomfortable that he had to leave, then clearly it’s him and his joke that was the problem, not you. NTA.”

“PS: I love this strategy and have used it to good effect myself.”  ~ TimisAllia

“NTA. And I wouldn’t apologize.”

“That was unacceptable.”

“He was trying to embarrass you and got the tables turned.”

“He should have just been a gentleman and never even made the ‘joke.'”

“On a side note, I would try to move away from these people.”

“They are never going to treat your child the same as their others, and they will grow up hearing the snickering.”

“There is nothing wrong with what you’ve done however I would not want my child to be treated differently because of it, and these people are just not evolved enough to be trusted to act right.”  ~ JenL4010

“NTA. He deserved that embarrassment.”

“Just because you used to do sex work doesn’t make you a cheater!”

“And family members actually think you would even be interested in their men who are twice your age???”

“They can’t try to embarrass you and then cry when you send it right back.”

“Your husband-to-be seems great, and that’s really impressive since he doesn’t seem to have had a good role model at all.”  ~ ThistleFaun

Well OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.

If someone is going to tell a joke, they should be able to take one.

Hopefully this situation gets easier for you and the hubby.

Congrats on the baby and good luck.