Truth always finds a way out.
Secrets and lies kept in families never stay hidden forever.
The funny thing is that even the biggest secrets come out in the simplest and most innocent of ways.
Case in point…
Redditor gecking wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for being honest with my nephew about where I was for most of his life?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Okay, let me just get right into this.”
“I 27 M[ale] was kicked out at 16 because my older sister 37 F[emale] outed me to my parents as gay.”
“They completely cut off all contact with me and I didn’t see any of my family up until last year when my father passed away and Mum had a change of heart and we started building a relationship again.”
“When I was kicked out, my nephew was 5 years old.”
“For the less math savvy, that makes him 16 now.”
“A couple of weeks ago, there was a family party in which he and I ended up spending most of the evening together, just chatting and stuff.”
“He asked me why I wasn’t around for so long and what happened between me and the fam to make them push me out like that.”
“I asked him what his mum had told him and he just shrugged and said she won’t talk about it.”
“I told him he’s maybe better having this conversation with her.”
“But he kept pressing until I eventually confessed I was cut off for being gay.”
“He made a face and asked how my parents even found out.”
“I told him I was outed by my sister.”
“But that he must understand that this was a long time ago and that I don’t think she’d do something like that now and that it was just a silly mistake on her part.”
“He got a bit quiet and changed the subject.”
“I got a phone call from my sister the next day furious that I’d told him and accusing me of trying to poison him not only against her but against the rest of the family too.”
“By ‘pretending they’re bad people’ and ‘making up false homophobia accusations.'”
“I explained to her that I didn’t tell him anything but the truth because he asked, and I think he’s old enough to deserve honesty.”
“She just kept yelling at me for dragging up the past and being a bad influence and has effectively banned me from hanging out with my nephew.”
“I’m crushed because obviously, I love the kid.”
“Did I do the wrong thing?”
“Should I have lied or refused to talk about it or lied to him or something?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, they made poor choices, they should accept the consequences.” ~ The-0utsider
“I was just saying that OP isn’t the @ss and they are and that they should own up to their mistakes.”
“It’s what should happen but probably won’t.” ~ The-0utsider
“I think you got that commenter wrong.”
“They’re not implying you think people that make bad choices accept the consequences — they’re saying ‘Oh yeah totally, of course, they freaked out because they know they’re in the wrong and already a**holes.'”
“And people like that double down hard.”
“They were just agreeing with you in a snarky/snappy way in my opinion.” ~ Hughgurgle
“This sucks, but nephew is 16 and watching his mom double down with the same behaviors.”
“Essentially trying to excommunicate you for this ‘lie’ just as your family did for you being gay—will only serve as additional evidence to him that you’re right.”
“OP is NTA.”
“And nephew is just about at an age to pursue a relationship with you independently so hopefully this doesn’t affect that.” ~ AMBWL4F-ALAS
“Word. He just watched his mother cut his uncle out of their lives a second time around for the crime of admitting that she did this to him once before for being gay.”
“Sounds like anyone who doesn’t shut up and pretend in that family gets the axe.”
“That’s certainly going to restore her image and not further prove to the kid what a selfish, mean-spirited person they are… rolls eyes.” ~ Thefirstofherkind
“Agreed. I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the first time the nephew has seen his mother’s/grandparents’ behavior.”
“I kept quiet and observed the nasty behavior of my elders when I was a teen too.”
“Just keep quiet, be respectful, and learn from their behavior.”
“Then when I was old enough I got the hell away from them.”
“Every time I see any of them they reaffirm that my decision to keep my distance was for the best.”
“Kids are smart and deserve much more credit than they are given.”
“I grew up with a bigoted family who treated children like property.”
“Even explicitly stating ‘I own you.'”
“Now they’re pitching tantrums because their grandchildren NEVER VISIT.”
“Um, we visit, occasionally, it’s uncomfortable at best.” ~ jleek9
“NTA at all.”
“This is like one of those ‘I’m sorry you were offended” non-apologies.”
“Sister is pissed she was outed as a bigot.”
“Welp, don’t like being outed as a hateful, vile human?”
“Then cut that s**t out.” ~ VOZ1
“And your nephew is about to see her in action firsthand as she threatens to cut you off from family again.”
“Piece of work that family is, OP. You’re NTA, she’s just showing her a**.” ~ zbb13
“The sister just wants to bask in her facade of acceptance now that LGBT is relatively accepted.”
“She doesn’t want her son to know that she is a homophobe, that she abandoned and threw her own brother under the bus, that she’s not a good person.”
“And she’s not.”
“I understand wanting to be a good example for her child but not through lies and deceit.”
“She’s TA and should own up to her mistakes and make amends.”
“Her kid will respect her only then.” ~ aerionkay
“This is definitely a huge part of it but alongside that, OP this is your story and the life that you’ve lived.”
“And no one gets to tell you to not to tell it or which version of it to tell, or dictate who you tell it to.”
“Just like you have the right to your privacy, if you so choose, you also have the right to dive into every last detail of it with whoever you want, if that’s your choice.” ~ K1nderPrinc3ss
“NTA. Exactly.”
“The mother could have taken this as an opportunity to teach her son a lesson about regret, change, and redemption.”
“Shared what she wished she would have done, etc.”
“But Nope. Instead, it’s a lesson in how after 20 years she’s still TA.” ~ krunk7
“NTA. You told the truth and you even downplayed her part by saying it was a ‘silly mistake.'”
“I wonder if your nephew is perhaps LGBTQ+ himself and is now upset with his mom because he is afraid the same will happen to him.”
“Or likely he’s just a good kid that knows that love=love, and is not afraid to stand up for what is right.”
“Either way, good on him.” ~ Trania86
“Gay person here.”
“This is what I thought immediately.”
“It could be just coincidence, but he may also be looking for an ally. NTA.” ~ ozuri
“NTA: You didn’t do absolutely anything wrong.”
“Don’t feel bad that your sister both outed you and then got mad at you because she didn’t want to look homophobic in the eyes of her son, which she might still be.”
“You did the right thing.”
“I’m familiar with these family secrets, and in the long run it ends up hurting family members.” ~ REDDIT
“She is definitely still a homophobe.”
“She denied the existence of obvious homophobia, the family kicked him out and she still said he was making it up!”
“And now she’s banning her kid from seeing his gay uncle specifically because the uncle is gay, if the uncle were straight, he never would have had this story to tell.”
“Sucks for the kid but he’s probably smart enough to figure out what’s up.” ~ HyacinthFT
“NTA. It’s not up to your sister or anyone else in your family to decide whether or not it’s in the past.”
“Your sister and parents are grade-A homophobic a**holes and I’d rethink the whole ‘it was just a silly mistake on her part’ considering the way she reacted to you telling the truth to your nephew.” ~ Except_Youre_Wrong
“Clearly NTA.”
“You were kicked out and rejected by your family for over a decade, and she’s saying they’re not bad people or homophobic?”
“She can think you’re out of line or that it should have stayed in the past, but she sounds out of touch with reality and unwilling to own up to anything.”
“Has she ever apologized? Has your mom?” ~ REDDIT
OP came back with some deets…
“Mum did. Profusely.”
“Honestly, it seems to me like mum wanted to let me back pretty soon after I was kicked out but dad wouldn’t allow it.”
“He was a b**tard, she couldn’t have argued with him on it.”
“She and I are great now.”
“Sister never so much apologized but she did say she wished she hadn’t done it, so I don’t know if that counts.”
Well OP, Reddit is on your side.
This is heartbreaking and must be re-traumatizing all over again.
Hopefully, you and the rest of the family can keep a peaceful course.