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Groomsman Balks After He’s Paired In Sister’s Wedding Party With Woman Who Once Ghosted Him

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For all the joy that weddings bring, not all invited guests look forward to attending weddings.

Namely, the single guests, as it’s hard not to feel even more alone than usual when being single at a wedding.

Perhaps the only thing worse than being single at a wedding, is being running into an ex-partner there.

Redditor chabortoo was less thrilled to learn that not only was an ex-girlfriend of his going to be at his sister’s wedding, but that she was going to be one of her bridesmaids.

Making matters even more uncomfortable, the original poster (OP) and this bridesmaid would even have a featured moment together, resulting in the OP giving his sister an ultimatum of sorts.

Worried he might have been overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for refusing to walk with my sisters ‘friend’ in her wedding and requesting a different girl?”

The OP explained how upon learning that his ex was going to be one of his sister’s bridesmaids, he became less and less excited about being part of the wedding party.

“So is this whole situation I (27 M[ale]) find myself in.”

“I do think the backstory is important here.”

“So my sister is getting married in November.”

“We are really close and always have been.”

“So I find this whole situation to be ever weirder.”

“I’ve been asked to be a groomsman on her fiancé’s side.”

“Me and him are cool and it was important to my sister that I’m included.”

“I was really looking forward to it until I saw who I was paired with.”

“So two years ago I met this girl named Tara (26 F[emale]) on a dating app.”

“We started talking daily.”

“FaceTimed a lot.”

“Went on dates.”

“We talked for over 3 months.”

“And I felt like it was actually going somewhere.”

“Well after one of the dates she completely ghosted me.”

“Sent a follow up text but got nothing back.”

“I won’t lie.”

“I was really upset.”

“I even talked to my sister about it.”

“Well Covid hit and I moved away for a job.”

“Come back to find out my sister and Tara are now friends?”

“Apparently my sister got a new job.”

“Tara recognized the last name.”

“Reached out to her and they became friends.”

“Such good friends in fact that she is now a bridesmaid and hangs at my parents house.”

“And my parents know her?”

“I found out they were friends literally 3 weeks ago.”

“She never mentioned it to me.”

“I asked if she knew it was the Tara I got ghosted by.”

“And she said Tara had told her.”

“But wanted to keep their conversations private.”

“Then a random text from Tara.”

“Asking what I wanted to do for our entrance dance.”

“I immediately called my sister.”

“Who informed me that Tara and I would be paired up.”

“Including the entrance dance.”

“I asked why.”

“I know many of her bridesmaids and she had to pair me with the one who ghosted me?”

“She said she had her reasons.”

“And Tara also asked for me specifically.”

“I never responded to Tara and instead went to talk to my sister in person.”

“Got the same answers.”

“And this time she sounded offended that I asked for a different person.”

“I told her how uncomfortable it made me.”

“And she told me to stop overthinking.”

“And just have fun.”

“I said that she didn’t understand how hurt I was.”

“She said she had an idea, but to just do it as her wedding gift.”

“I told her I’d be stepping down from the wedding party.”

“I’ll just go as a guest.”

“She went apesh*t.”

“Saying I couldn’t do that.”

“And she wanted me up there.”

“I said fine then switch me to a different girl.”

“She said she wasn’t going to.”

“So I told her I’d be dropping out.”

“My parents are calling me an AH.”

“But I don’t think I am.”

“It’s a weird request and I’m not about it.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Everyone agreed that the OP was not the a**hole by saying he would pull out of the wedding party unless he was paired with a different bridesmaid.

The Reddit community agreed that the OP’s sister was being unreasonable and insensitive towards her brother, with many finding the behavior of Tara suspicious to the point of creepy.


“You’ve been more than reasonable.”

“It’s not like you’re insisting that Tara not come to the wedding, or even step down as a bridesmaid, just that you don’t want to be paired with her.”

“I don’t understand why your sister and your parents don’t understand why you don’t want to spend the evening with a girl who you dated and broke up with you.”

“Can you maybe appeal to your future BIL for sanity?”- SamSpayedPI


“‘I have my reasons?'”


“What does that even mean?”

“What an insensitive weirdo.”

“This would make me want to not even go tbh.”

“This whole thing is bizarre and your sister and family sounds terrible.”– RevealIll8143

“Maybe I’ve watched too many movies, but I think Tara is scary.”

“She ghosted you, then befriended your sister and your family and wangled her way into the wedding and also requested you as ‘her; attendant?”

“F*cking yikes.”

“If you have a pet bunny, take the bunny and run.”- Eureecka


“I’m guessing Tara wants to rekindle and sister is down with the plan.”

“However, you have told your sister how uncomfortable it makes you.”

“Your sister is literally putting the wants of a new friend ahead of the comfort of her brother.”- Bitter-Conflict-4089


“It sounds like Tara wants to pretend she never ghosted you and hopes to get with you, and your sister is trying to push it by insisting on pairing the two of you.”

“Super not cool, and it’s sh*tty your parents say YOU’RE the AH.”


“At this point i’d just insist on stepping down from the wedding party.”- Stranger0nReddit


“I agree with the general consensus that bride and Tara are up to something, probably involving the latter being given a second chance to get together with you.”

“But I’m baffled as to how they thought they could pull it off without you responding exactly as you have.”

“It’s all just frankly silly and even more juvenile.”

“Especially coming from your parents.”

“And you are well within your rights to refuse to play.”

“You signed up for a wedding, not as a character in a cheesy romcom.”

“I would carry on calmly insisting to everyone that they explain themselves, if they want you to participate in the wedding at all.”- Shoereader


“Say you have a new girlfriend and watch the fireworks.”- reprobat3


“Sounds like Tara has gotten to know your family and now wants in,  through you.”

“If you can’t be paired with a different bridesmaid, go as a guest.”- PsychologyAutomatic3


“It sounds like a perfectly reasonable request since there are other women who could be partnered with you.”

“Your sister shouldn’t prioritize her friend’s request over her brother’s comfort.”

“I don’t trust this situation and I think Tara wants something out of this because why else would she request you?”

“Your sister sucks and so do your parents.”

“This could be so easily solved.”- tatersprout


“Your sister and Tara both sound like shitty people.”

“Your sister doesn’t seem to have any respect for you or how you feel.”- BostonRae


“Tara and your sister are up to something, but you do not have to let them play their stupid game.”

“Contact your future BIL.”

“Tell him you were honored by the request but you have to step down from being in the wedding party.”

“Tell him why.”

“Tara and your sister can go pound sand if they don’t like it.”-Sea-Confection-2627


“This whole thing feels off.”

“I don’t blame you one bit for dropping out.”- pixel_3ixel


“And honestly Tara comes off as kind of creepy.”

“She’s besties with your sister now and hangs out at your parents’ house and is apparently also friends with your parents?”

“That’s weird.”

“It’s just…weird.”

“Your sister can pair you with someone else, she can have you as a guest at her wedding but not a groomsman, or she can basically blow up her relationship with you over Tara.”- memphisriley6

One can’t help but wonder how Tara doesn’t seem to have any sort of guilt or hesitancy befriending the family of someone she was not particularly nice to in the past.

It’s equally hard to understand how the OP’s sister seems destined to create conflict on her special day, when most brides go to great lengths to avoid it.

Even if he isn’t part of the wedding party, and manages to avoid an entry dance with Tara, it seems clear that his sister’s wedding is going to be very strange indeed for the OP.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.