There is no perfect way to be a good Samaritan or a good neighbor.
When the time arises you just do it.
Spring into action.
People need help once in awhile.
Some of that help though can be misconstrued.
Case in point…
Redditor balanceotter wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for letting my female neighbor stay over my house after her house was broken into?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context, I’m 37 m[ale], my wife is 39 f[emale], our neighbor is 31f and her kid is 4m.”
“My wife is away on a business trip until Friday.”
“On Sunday morning (about 2 or 3 AM) I hear cop cars going down the street, when I look out my neighbor (she lives directly across the street) is outside holding her son talking to the cops.”
“I went out there to see if she was alright and she told me she had woken up to someone in her house.”
“She thinks whoever it was had the wrong address or didn’t think anyone was home because when she went downstairs once the person saw her they ran.”
“They had broken in from a bathroom window.”
“She was really freaked out and shaken up, her son was crying and fussing because he was scared and tired.”
“So after the cops were done I offered her our guest bedroom because she kept saying how she was scared to go back to her house.”
“It was so early in the morning, and I didn’t even have my phone on me.”
“My 13 year old kid had fallen asleep with it in his room since he needed one phone for playing a game and the other for FaceTiming his friend.”
“I didn’t call my wife and tell her what happened.”
“I went inside, set up our neighbor and her son and went to sleep.”
“I entirely intended to call her the first thing in the morning (or text her if she was working) but I didn’t get the chance.”
“When I woke up the next morning and took my phone from my son’s room she had called me 25 times and texted even more.”
“Saying she had gotten the notification of our neighbor coming in on the doorbell camera when she had woken up.”
“And asking me what was going on, accusing me of sneaking around.”
“When I called her and explained the situation she was still mad.”
“Saying I shouldn’t have had another woman stay at our house without asking her first.”
“That it was disrespectful to her.”
“Just to clarify (for the rules) I’m not looking for relationship advice or anything.”
“I just genuinely want to know, AITA in this situation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. But, I’m not saying your wife is wrong either.”
“She saw a woman enter your home at 2am while she was out on a business trip, and you were not answering your phone (even though she knew you were awake obviously).”
“You’re not looking for relationship advice, but I have some anyways.”
“You’re going to need to admit you were wrong for not giving her a heads-up on what was going on.”
“And acknowledge that you’re lack of doing so was inconsiderate.” ~ dividedsky58
“Yeah the fact that she was still mad after he explained and said it was disrespectful for him to let a woman stay without asking her first is telling.”
“He couldn’t have asked her because she sleeps with her phone off, so I guess she expected him to tell the woman and her child to have fun being terrified.”
“She’s the AH for sure.”
“Personally I like knowing my husband is a nice person that would help out a neighbor in need, and I trust him.” ~ jengaj2016
“If she gets motions alerts surly she’d get one for when OP left the house – when the cop cars were still there.”
“Alert 1: OP goes outside, there’s cop cars etc.”
“10 minutes later.”
“Alert 2: OP and frighted looking neighbour enter house with crying 4 year old.”
“None of that screams booty call to me.” ~ Stripycardigans
“Yes. This was an actual emergency situation.”
“I’m sure the 13 year old would understand if his dad wakes him to get the phone.”
“I also think it’s good relationship hygiene to keep each other informed if someone outside the family will be staying overnight, regardless of gender.”
“Some people have very strong boundaries about their private space/home.”
“NTA… but next time, communicate.” ~ CaimansGalore
“She also saw a 4 year old child enter along with the woman.”
“And the door bell motion alert is sent to both partners.”
“And she knows this, so she knows her husband isn’t trying to hide anything.”
“And it’s their neighbour. And it’s like, 3am.”
“I mean, if you are cheating :”
“Who would start a date at 3am? Who would bring the 4 year old child with them?”
“Who would bring them in through the front door, which sends an alert to both partners?”
“Apparently she thinks her husband is both a cheating bastard, as well ad a complete idiot about it.”
“NTA.” ~ Teh_Hammerer
“NTA – You did the kind and charitable thing.”
“It may have been warranted to wake your child to grab your phone and text your wife regarding the situation just because it was a scary event but her reaction was excessive either way.”
“It seems extreme for her to jump to the conclusion that you’re cheating on her.”
“And it feels like an inappropriate response for her to get all territorial about another woman being in the house without permission given that she just went through a traumatic event.”
“All in all, your wife sounds insecure and like she has a lot of trust issues.” ~. ChaiFlower
OP came back to fill in more of the story…
“ETA”
“Our neighbor isn’t a stranger, we’ve known her for a long time, she’s been over our house before.”
“My wife wasn’t monitoring the camera, we both get motion alerts.”
“She woke up to the motion alert on her phone from that AM.”
“My wife does not sleep with her phone on.”
“If I had called her or texted her (which I would’ve had to wake up my son to get my phone) she wouldn’t have gotten it until she woke up.”
“Again for clarification- my wife saw the ring notification when she woke up the next morning.”
“Not when it was happening.”
“Meaning there was about an hour between her seeing the notification and me getting my phone back to call her.”
“My wife and I are not still fighting over this.”
“My son doesn’t often need two phones.”
“He had been sick for a number of days (a big reason why I didn’t want to risk waking him) and hadn’t seen his friends.”
“He wanted to play among us on one phone and FaceTime on another phone.”
“I let it slide since he had been sick.”
“My wife was aware my son had my phone and was going to use it that night to talk to his friends.”
“Tentative NTA.”
“It was a nice thing you did but I think you should have gone and got your phone to let your wife know what was going on.”
“I can see why she freaked out a bit seeing a stranger going into your house.”
“It’s a bit much to assume you were cheating.”
“But I would be surprised if my partner had someone staying over and didn’t tell me anything about it.” ~ TamWings
“NAH. You acted out of the kindness of your heart to help a neighbor.”
“I can understand your wife’s reaction, since she saw another woman come into your house but didn’t have the context of the situation.”
“It would probably have been better to go get your phone to text her to let her know, though.” ~ FFBTheShow
“NTA. You’re wife is ridiculous.”
“She trusts you so little that she automatically jumps to you sneaking around, doesn’t care or believe you when you explained the situation.”
“And would have rather you left a terrified mother and her 4m old child alone after their house had just been broken into instead of showing decent human compassion.”
“You’ll never be in the wrong on this.” ~ SelfStudy657
“NTA – you stepped up and helped a neighbor who was in need.”
“Though, it may be best to retrieve a phone to shoot a quick text next time.”
“I personally would have ensured to text/call my husband as soon as things settled down, had I been the one in a position to offer a neighbor a place to sleep for a night.”
“I personally find it to be a respect thing.” ~ Rainbow62993
“NAH I feel like most of us would rightly freak out if we saw a person go into our house while we were away with no heads up from the remaining spouse.”
“You did a kind thing.”
“But it’s also her house and I do understand she’d be uncomfortable with it.” ~ Hippotamoose27
Well Reddit certainly feels OP did the kindly neighbor thing correctly.
Maybe OP and the wife should sit and chat about better communication.
And their son maybe only needs one phone at a time.