We've all been through heartbreak before, so we can all attest to how terrible it is to try to move on and start fresh.
But trying to heal shouldn't inconvenience the people around us, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor DJ_maecyy just got married and was excited to leave on her honeymoon trip with her husband, right around the same time that her younger sister got her heart broken by her long-term boyfriend.
When her sister tried to come along on her honeymoon trip to "heal," the Original Poster (OP) was shocked at her entitlement.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for refusing to let my sister use my honeymoon as her 'healing trip' after she got dumped?"
The OP was counting down the seconds until she could leave for her dream honeymoon.
"My (30 Female) husband (31 Male) and I just got married last month and planned a dream honeymoon two weeks in Greece."
"It's going to be just the two of us, relaxing, exploring, and enjoying our time as newlyweds. Flights, hotels, excursions are all booked and paid for."
Unfortunately, the OP's sister did not have the same joys to look forward to.
"My sister (26 Female) was supposed to move in with her boyfriend around the same time."
"Unfortunately for her (and I mean unfortunately in the least sympathetic way possible), he dumped her two weeks before the move."
"She was devastated, and my family went into full 'protect and coddle' mode."
"At first, I was super supportive, listened to her vent, helped her pack up her stuff, and even let her crash at our place for a few days."
The OP was shocked when her sister told her what she wanted to do next.
"But then, she dropped a bomb: She wanted to come with us on our honeymoon because she 'couldn't handle being alone right now' and needed a 'healing getaway.'"
"My mom backed her up, saying we should 'be there for family' and that we could 'always go on another trip.'"
"I laughed, thinking it was a joke. I love my sister, but my honeymoon is NOT her rebound retreat."
"But it wasn't a joke. She fully expected me to let her tag along on what was supposed to be our romantic getaway."
"I told her absolutely not and have not given her the itinerary."
The OP was shocked by how her sister and mom teamed up against her.
"She cried, called me selfish, and my mom guilt-tripped me about how she's 'in a really dark place.'"
"Now, both my mom and sister are making me feel like I'm heartless for not making 'a small sacrifice' for family."
"My honeymoon is meant for my husband and me to enjoy as newlyweds, not to be my sister's emotional support trip. I get that she's hurting, but that doesn't mean she gets to hijack our special time. If she needs a healing getaway, my mom can take her instead."
"I'm not heartless for prioritizing my marriage; I'm just setting boundaries!"
"Am I so wrong for refusing to turn my honeymoon into my sister's breakup recovery trip?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that this was her honeymoon and time to celebrate her marriage.
"NTA. You are spending time with your husband. You don't have time to spend with her on a trip. That would clearly change the entire dynamic."
"If your mom feels she needs a healing getaway and to not be alone so much, she should go on a trip with her. And you can see her when you get back." - Super-Freedom8500
"NTA, but have a backbone and tell your mum she is heartless for supporting your sister in coming on a HONEYMOON!"
"Tell your mum she can take her to somewhere else! And they can have a girls' trip!"
"I think your sister is doing it on purpose because she is jealous and wants to ruin your trip!"
"Don't you dare give them an itinerary. Or if you have shown it. Then change it!! Because she will turn up to surprise you!. Change dates also." - Strong_Storm_2167
"NTA, I honestly really hate the 'be there for family' line. It's so manipulative and only ever works one way. Let her fund her own trip with her own money on her own time." - berrywarrior
"Be petty and share all the wrong information. Let's say the honeymoon starts with a flight to Santorini. You tell them your flight is into Corfu. Your planning on flying back from Mykonos, you tell them Santorini. Just mess everything up."
"Then when the trip starts, you block all numbers but your husband's because of 'roaming issues' and 'cell coverage' issues with your carrier."
"If your family is respectful, nothing will happen but peace and quiet. If not, your sister can have some healing retreat on her own." - angeldawns
"Imagine the complaints the OP and her husband will have to put up with because it's their honeymoon! 'You're being too affectionate with each other, don't you know I'm heartbroken?!'"
"H**l no! OP, don't take her! She will poison your trip and make it all about her pity party."
"Why doesn't she go live with your mom? Ask your mother why she isn't there for her family. She expects to coddle one daughter with the cost of happiness of the other." - Professional-Ice4446
Others agreed and openly questioned the OP's sister's and mom's logic.
"How is she supposed to heal by being a third wheel to a couple on honeymoon when the reason for her misery is her break up? Wouldn't seeing a happy couple being romantic and lovey dovey trigger her sour memories of break up?"
"She is just jealous that she is single and her sister got married and is going on honeymoon. She doesn't need healing, she just wants to ruin OP's honeymoon." - lonewolf369963
"I'm sure the OP's husband would be expected to stay elsewhere while OP and her sister are supposed to be pampered while they b***h about how horrible men are!" - NotTodayPsycho
"Tell them your husband plans to spend the entire trip b**ging you like a screen door in a storm, so you don't think your sister being around for that would make her feel any better about getting dumped anyway." - flippysquid
"Please put on your most shocked and concerned face, and tell them:"
"'It's our honeymoon. We won't be leaving our room. There's nowhere lonelier than sitting at breakfast while your sister is having the time of her life, consummating her marriage.'"
"'That's the most insensitive idea you've ever had. If sis needs a holiday, the last people in the world to spend it with is virile newlyweds. Are you out of your mind?!'" - Cardabella
"NTA. Time to tell her to move the h**l in with your parents. They are all insane." - jubangyeonghon
Some urged the OP's mom to take her daughter on a trip instead of offloading it onto the OP.
"Oh h**l no!! Let mom take her on a healing trip. Do not share your itineraries or dates/times for anything. You will have an elephant of a party crasher if you do."
"Radio silence and NTA!!" - Inside_Major_8072
"Suggest, 'Watching you and your husband get all loved up and being happy' is not going to help mend her broken heart."
"If your mother is feeling so sorry for her, she should go away with her instead."
"I'll give you a laugh. I was 50 last year, so my family decided to club together and put some money into a gift for me. The gift was cash, so I could book flights for myself and my wife, and two grown-up kids to go and visit my sister who lives in Spain, in a two bed apartment."
"That was it, they decided what I should do with my time, and in that case, money, as an adult. They thought, well, mainly my mother thought it would be lovely to go and do that."
"I really enjoy the guitar I bought instead. Enjoy your honeymoon, not her rebound trip." - ShowmasterQMHTH
"NTA. If your mom is so worried, she can take your sis on a trip herself. A honeymoon is not a group therapy retreat... But then your mom wouldn't get a two-week break. That's your mom's real plan, to get the sister far away to get a break from the situation. Totally selfish of her." - CemeteryDweller7719
"Your mom can book her own 'healing trip' if she's so concerned. Your honeymoon isn't a family free-for-all. NTA." - Positive_Cloud_5362
"Let mom take her on a recovery trip. This honeymoon is for you and your husband, and that's it. Go have fun guilt-free. NTA a million times over." - Frequent_Couple5498
Everyone could understand going through something and experiencing a particularly tough heartbreak, but the sister's healing journey shouldn't happen on the OP's dime or during her honeymoon.
There were countless other ways that the sister could begin to heal, like pursuing a new hobby, creating a staycation for herself and going to the spa, or even going on a girls' trip with her mother.
The last thing she needed was to be the third wheel to happy newlyweds, and the last thing the newlyweds needed was a shadow.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.