Feeding large groups isn’t an easy task financially, never mind the fact that it can be labor intensive.
So when one has to whip up a large meal, sometimes people go the easy route.
This can become an issue when you feed other people’s children.
Not all menu choices may be approved by all parents.
Redditor Last_Gene9706 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for feeding my daughter’s softball team ‘junk’ at our sleepover?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 35 F[emale] have 3 children all enrolled in extra curricular’s.”
“My oldest daughter, who’s 13, plays softball and has for years.”
“I live in a smaller town, so I know the other girl’s parents, and we are well acquainted.”
“I even consider a few of them friends.”
“We take turns having big huge sleepovers for the girls at our homes, and this weekend it was my daughter’s weekend.”
“We had never discussed what we should and should not feed the girls, just allergies and such.”
“So I didn’t think there were ‘rules.’”
“My other child is also in sports, and I have never had complaints about this either, and I’ve hosted these sleepovers before, just not this season yet.”
“And there are a few mothers and newer parents on the team.”
“Anyways, I had bought the girls pizza and breadsticks and had pink or regular lemonade offered for dinner.”
“I also had a lot of snacks, mostly chips, but I did bake some brownies as well.”
“The next morning, I had just got a lot of Dunkin’ Donuts.”
“It’s 15 girls I’m feeding, so I figured it was easiest because these types of things feed a lot of children.
“My children don’t normally eat like this either, I just was excited for the first sleepover at our house this season.
“Anyways, I’ve gotten some complaints from the newer moms to have joined the group in our group chat, and have said that I shouldn’t be loading their children up on sugar and junk food and how their kids don’t eat like that at home.”
“I replied back that it was a sleepover.”
“It was supposed to be a fun event for the girls, so what was the big deal?”
“That offended them; they accused me of undermining their parenting and said their daughters wouldn’t be coming to my daughter’s sleepovers anymore unless I decided to feed them better food.”
“This caused an argument because, like I said, no one has ever mentioned what they feed the children at these sleepovers, and there were never any ‘rules.’”
“I thought it was fair game.”
“I then again said it was just fun food, it was a slumber party, and a few of the other parents agreed with me.”
“A few hours later, one mother replied in the group chat that her daughter would no longer be coming to any events at my home since I couldn’t see that fun food was just a different word for junk.”
“Then called me a lousy mother for feeding children up with that s**t, then left the group chat.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m gonna go with NTA here.”
“These moms never communicated any dietary restrictions to you, and as a parent, that’s their responsibility if they’re letting someone else look after their child for a night.”
“And honestly, you’re correct, sleepovers ARE supposed to be fun.”
“These are supposed to be bonding activities for the team, and stuff like this is supposed to be a treat.”
“Also, you’re feeding fifteen children. I don’t blame you for taking the easy option of pizza and chips.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have argued with them and simply said you’d provide different options in the future for the girls, but what’s done is done now.” ~ odyssea88
“THIS 🩷- except… if someone wants their kid to eat a certain way, they should be packing the food and dropping it off with their kid.”
“I would feel bad for that kid, but I would make sure to follow the mom’s request.”
“These moms sound like PILLS.”
“Not only do they never ‘lighten up’ and let their kid have a little junk, but now they won’t even let their kids hang with their friends?”
“AND they are criticizing you???”
“These women sound AWFUL!”
“I mean, just weird… we don’t let guests dictate our adult party menus 🤔.” ~ REDDIT
“I was with you until I read about the doughnuts for breakfast, and then I judged you hard.”
“But then I got my s**t together and gave it some thought.”
“Yeah, I would never consider that for any sort of meal, but I do know people who regularly have a pastry and a cup of coffee for breakfast – kids get cafe au lait or a glass of milk instead of brewed coffee or espresso, and they seem fine.”
“So I had to check my judgeiness and look at it again.”
“You had 15 kids to feed, no specific nutritional rules to follow, and a once only fatty breakfast isn’t going to hurt anyone.”
“NTA by a long shot, but that mum needs to grow up.” ~ EaNasirS**tCopper
“My girls play highly competitive sports, and they held both of their year-end parties at pizza places.”
“Total NTA.”
“These moms are going to be in for a rude awakening when they unleash these teens into the wild, unless they plan on cooking for them in perpetuity.”
“A little pizza never hurt anyone, especially when you asked about allergies first.”
“Thanks for hosting all those girls, I am sure they were grateful, sorry the parents had a bone (pizza) to pick.” ~ BrandNewDinosaur
“Seriously. It’s pizza.”
“Not Coors and cigarettes.”
“Then I guess the snotty moms would have something to make stupid drama about.”
“Well, depending on where you live.”
“I’m in the Deep South, and things can sometimes be different round here. 🤣” ~ REDDIT
“OP is not the AH, but I agree that she might have wanted to say something like ‘my kids don’t usually eat like that either.'”
“Add a fruit and veggie tray for dinner and have some yogurt and less sugary cereal on hand for breakfast.”
“I don’t blame her for getting upset since it’s bad manners to complain about a host (especially 15 teens!), but I think arguing with them was pointless.”
“This whole thing made me cringe inside because I remember being a little kid at a sleepover.”
“My friend had talked her mom into buying one of those marshmallows and frosted cheerio type cereals especially for the sleepover and I refused to eat it ‘because I wasn’t allowed’ and made them give me Raisin Bran.”
“Told my mom, expected to get praised for following her rules, got scolded by mom for being a bad guest instead.”
“It’s been decades, and I am still embarrassed 😳 😔.” ~ Nepentheoi
“A donut one morning isn’t going to destroy a child’s health.”
“There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from health in the right circumstances, and a huge sleepover is one of those.”
“NTA at all.” ~ IcyZookeepergame9070
“It doesn’t sound like a big deal.”
“A number of people agreed with you, and she resorted to insults and stormed out of the group chat.”
“I understand it was upsetting, but I think people will be generally judging her, not you, and you’re even not the first person to feed them that kind of food.”
“This storm in a soda cup should soon blow over.” ~ theficklemermaid
“The hater mom is going to bust her Thrive Market budget making fully balanced organic bento dinners and crafting spa-perfect breakfasts for 15 hungry athletes.”
“If all the team even wants to go to the Grinch’s house.”
“She’s gonna need to take a week of her life off to make this happen too, lol.”
“OP, I do hope you come back and post the deets. 😁.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. This seems like typical food for a softball party, especially when it’s one household feeding the entire team.”
“If I sent my kid to a sleepover like this, this is exactly how I’d expect them to eat.”
“It’s one night; it’s not going to do harm.”
“Take this from a parent who obsesses over my kids getting enough fruit and veggies!”
“Sometimes, eating ‘healthy’ just isn’t realistic given the situation.”
“Kudos to you for being a nice mom by letting all these teenagers into your home and getting them all food.” ~ 89MustangSally89
“Right, like is she supposed to spend hours in the kitchen cooking for that many kids?”
“Pizza is classic for a softball party.”
“Maybe she could’ve had a veggie tray, but let’s be real: the kids won’t be reaching for that.”
“Let them have some unhealthy food sometimes, to me that’s a healthy mindset about food.”
“It’s good to have balance!” ~ Aggressive-Ferret216
“NTA. Sleepovers are meant for junk food.”
“It’s a treat and not something that happens every night.”
“I do think that after a night of junk food, a good, balanced breakfast is needed.”
“Scrambled eggs are super easy to whip up for a crowd, a pre-cut fruit tray, yogurt along with the donuts.”
“But that’s just me and what I would serve.”
“I wouldn’t care if my daughter went to a sleepover and only ate junk once in a while.” ~ Majestic_Shoe5175
“NTA. If the parents who are complaining about it actually cared as much as they are portraying, they would’ve said before the sleepover what their kid should/shouldn’t have.”
“If it really did bother her and she genuinely wanted to get across to you to stop feeding their child that stuff, she could have had a private conversation requesting politely to stop.”
“Then if you disagreed or there was no compromise, she could decide to let her child stay or go.”
“The way she went about this, especially the ending of her calling you a lousy mother, shows her immaturity and her inability to have a civil conversation.”
“However, the entire conversation that took place could have definitely been handled better from both sides.” ~ jasmxne__mxchelle
“NTA. These dumb parents are complaining because you fed their kids (with YOUR money) sugary foods for a single sleepover?”
“They clearly lack a good understanding of how nutrition works because two meals of pizza and donuts aren’t going to kill anyone who doesn’t have severe medical issues.” ~ PhysicalGift6442
“NTA. Choosing healthier snacks is more or less a thing when kids are toddlers, and yes, we all would offer fruit and water at playdates so as to not rock the boat.”
“But once they hit teens, the girls know what they should or should not eat.”
“I hosted 10 twelve-year-old girls at my house Friday, and a few other moms actually sent their girls WITH junk food as a ‘thank you’ to me for being the host.”
“My daughter doesn’t drink Sprite during the week, but for sleepovers, I bought a case.”
“The moms who didn’t send snacks had nothing to say to me except ‘thanks for hosting, you’re a saint.’”
“Our girls are also all athletes and healthy eaters all week long.”
“In your case, I’d consider it a blessing these moms won’t let their girls come to your house anymore.”
“I wouldn’t want anyone coming over whose parents criticize food choices.”
“It shows they can’t trust their girls to make decisions for themselves or they want to control everything about them and in my opinion this leads to unnecessary power struggles (not to mention possible eating disorders down the road).”
“One time I offered to get my son’s 14-year-old friend a milkshake and his response was ‘Oh my parents wouldn’t approve of that.’”
“So I respected his choice and their rules.”
“It’s not that hard.”
“These moms are being petty and only hurting their daughters.” ~ ChanceLengthiness2
“NTA – Yes, it is a lot of junk food, but it’s a sleepover.”
“Could you have offered some healthy snacks like a veggie tray? Sure.”
“Would I expect it if I sent my kid? No.”
“Feeding 15 kids each a portion of baked chicken with veggies is a lot of work when you can simply order a pizza with your phone.” ~ kayjax7
“NTA. Sending your child to someone else’s home comes with the understanding that they will do things differently.”
“The other mother is being unreasonable.”
“The event already happened, and no clear communication was set, so you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I think in the future you could mix in some healthier options (like a yogurt parfait bar for breakfast, or an optional salad with dinner), but no expectation was set in advance that it be available.”
“Also, you are feeding 15 kids on your dime, and you have to find something they will all like… that’s going to be pizza.”
“Unfortunately for that lady’s daughter, I think she is going to be sitting out a lot of sleepovers.” ~ egwynona
“Huge NTA.”
“You’re a good Mom. “Don’t let these bags get you down.”
“I grew up with a girl whose parents were so strict on what their daughter could eat that she never had a fast food burger or Kraft dinner or candy or anything ‘junk’ until she was 18 and could buy it herself.”
“Backfired.”
“She went crazy for it, blew right up.” ~ Missytb40
“NTA – teenagers are old enough to make their own food choices.”
“You can serve what you choose, and they can eat what they choose.”
“If they don’t like your food choices, they can bring their own.”
“It takes a lot of nerve for these other parents to CRITICIZE you for hosting and feeding their children, honestly.”
“They can host and feed the kids if their standards are so very high.”
“These parents sound exhausting.” ~ Pascale73
“Those moms are setting their kids up for some serious eating disorders later in life.”
“Eating ‘junk’ once in a while as a treat is a much healthier approach than militant restriction.” ~ Kathrynlena
You have Reddit’s support, OP.
Fifteen is a lot of mouths to feed.
Now, you could add a few healthy snack options next time to be safe.
Also, perhaps all of the parents should get together and discuss the menus in more detail.
This way, everyone is on the same page.
Good luck in the future.