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Mom Kicks Daughter Out After Learning Her Live-In Boyfriend Has Been Peeing On Her Sofa

Photo by Alexander Andrews/Unsplash

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs in the world.

There are times you’re gonna get it so right and other times so, so wrong.

And sometimes your same actions can be either, depending on circumstance.

It’s especially arduous when your kids get older and meet partners who stir up some trouble.

Case in point…

Redditor caprisunmei wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for kicking my daughter out?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Since the day she was born, me (49 F[emale]) and my daughter (26 F) have had an amazing relationship.”

“Her brother was in a horrible car accident when he was 8, leaving him fully paralysed.”

“Their father left because of the medical expenses, leaving our family in debt.”

“This meant I had to work many late hour jobs.”

“Let’s call my daughter Hailey, and my son Noah.”

“Hailey had to take care of Noah despite only being 3 years older.”

“I have always reminded Hailey of how grateful I am for her help and that she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to.”

“But, being the great sister she is, she continued to take care of him until he passed away when she was 24.”

“Now, this matters because recently me and Hailey have been arguing.”

“My daughter met a boy we can call Jaden and they started dating.”

“When I first met Jaden, he was an absolute sweetheart and was such a help around the house.”

“Fast forward about 6 months or so, my daughter convinced me to let Jaden live with us.”

“They informed me they were both saving up for an apartment together even though Hailey was still in medical school which was the reason I was still letting her live in the house.”

“Immediately though, when Jaden moved into the house things went wrong.”

“All he did was eat my food, play video games, and sit around the house all day.”

“My last straw was when I found the source of the rancid smell in the house.”

“Jaden has been soiling the couch with his PEE.”

“I told Hailey that Jaden has to go.”

“She told me he was the love of her life and I would regret this.”

“It was unbelievable in my mind.”

“I sat them both down and had a talk about what was going to happen; either Jaden left or both of them did.”

“Hailey was enraged and screamed at me saying she did everything for me such as taking care of Noah.”

“I was fighting back tears when I told her to get out immediately and that she wasn’t welcome here anymore.”

“So, AITA for kicking out my daughter?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Most Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole, but this was a divisive story.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“None of the rest of those details matter. Someone is peeing on your sofa. NTA.”  ~ SimplySam4210

“My ADHD makes it hard for me to listen to my body’s signals sometimes, including when to pee.”

“So I definitely try to be sympathetic to others and their needs and I completely understand holding it way longer than you should.”

“My life pro tip is try and pee every hour or so if you have trouble listening to your own body and are unmedicated for certain things.”

“Worst case scenario you waste 3 mins because you don’t have to pee.”

“But holy crap. How. How can someone do something like that.”

“The blatant disrespect is more disgusting than that couch.” ~ FryJPhilip

“I know OP tried not to do so, but Hailey spent her youth being parentified as she took care of her brother.”

“So Jaden may be the result of her recapturing her irresponsible youth.”

“And also just plain not knowing what to do in a relationship where she’s not a primary caretaker.”

“I feel for everyone, and don’t blame OP for the tough situation.”

“But I think Hailey really needs some therapy to deal with her childhood.”  ~ nicanikanoo

“I… I don’t even understand? Is he just sitting there in his own piss playing video games?!”

“I’m sorry OP, you aren’t wrong to kick him out, but I do wonder what is up with your daughter that she’s so in love with the lazy nasty man.”

“Make sure she knows you still love her and will always be there for her if she needs you, hopefully she’ll come back.”  ~ Fianna9

“NTA. Soiling the couch with his pee? Is he a freaking dog?”  ~ Kingjester88

“ESH. Not for kicking Jalen out. He’s peeing on your couch.”

“Soulmate or not it’s time to find his own couch to pee on.”

“He’s an obvious AH and daughter should not be enabling that behavior.”

“But you are also a major AH for parentifying your 11 year old daughter.”

“Little kids have a hard time telling mommy no when she asks nicely. That decision should never have been hers to make.”  ~ engineer2187

“I think you were dealt a really bad situation and you stuck around and you pulled through. That’s really amazing.”

“But even though your daughter took care of her brother out of love, it clearly still impacted her in someway.”

“It can be hard getting out of the ‘carer role.'”

“Regardless of the background, I’d say someone who calls their 6 month long boyfriend who pee the couch the love of their live probably needs some therapy.”  ~ WimpyUnicorn

“Yeah. Kicking him out was fair, but Telling her she wasn’t welcome anymore was too far.”

“I think you need to reach out to have a conversation with her without him around.”

“She’s obviously still dealing with her childhood trauma surrounding her brother.”

“I think it’s important she know you’re still there for her.”  ~ supergeek921

“Forgive me, but as the responsible child growing up, bull.”

“She volunteered because she knew it had to be done. Same reason she did it when you asked… it had to be done.”

“You aren’t wrong to kick out Peewee, and I even see saying he has to go even if it means she goes too.”

“But you’re so very wrong for making a child take care of your responsibilities.”

“OP, I’m sorry I reacted as strongly and as negatively as I did.”

“I do believe you did the best you could with what options you had.”

“My own issues are not your fault or your problem and I have no right to attack you because it felt so like my childhood situation.”

“I hope you and your daughter work things out.”

“I also hope Peewee never darkens your doorstep again, especially as long as he’s not potty trained.”  ~ Mika112799

“I would say that you did great, she did great and you are in a crap situation.”

“I hear your story and I don’t hear ‘parentification…’ I hear a crap situation.”

“Only thing I could change is making sure your daughter knows SHE—and she alone—always has a place to stay and a helping hand from you.”

“That thing that she’s dating? He can f’off. He’s not welcome in your house.”

“Him not welcome in your house? your choice. Her leaving?”

“That’s her choice. She can be mad but it’s not your fault that it has to go.”

“NTA and I’m sorry for the loss of your son and your couch.”  ~ wernercd

“I work in CPS and this is NOT parentification.”

“Parentification is when siblings step up for neglectful parents.”

“This was not the case at all.”

“The daughter was helping out as needed, which all siblings do, or should, at some capacity at some point in life.”

“I know this is the internet and all, but some of your comments are way out of line.”  ~ zeldaluv94

“N-T-A for getting rid of Jaden. But YTA for kicking out your daughter.”

“That sounds like such a messed up life.”

“Taking care of your little brother from the time you were 11, being abandoned by Dad, and your brother (whom you’ve practically raised) dying 2 years ago?”

“I’m not surprised she’s making questionable relationship decisions.”

“She needs a therapist, and you need to sit her down and talk about self-respect.”

“Which might be hard, cause you’re gonna have to tell her not to let a partner treat her the way you already did.”

“She’s used to having to take care of her brother, taking care of a lazy man like Jaden is probably no different.”  ~ AMadManWithAPlan

“NTA – hold the phone… I SAID HOLD THE PHONE.”

“She is in medical school and he’s eating your food, playing video games all day and PEEING ON YOUR COUCH??”

“Jaden needs to go somewhere else and pee on a couch that Haley will inevitably buy, because pardon me????”

“I would reach out to her though because she’s definitely settling for this bum.”

“She must be dealing with real grief and is just taking whatever she can get to not feel a void of some sort.” 

“Jaden is no work, all vibes.”  ~ Fun-Tourist-7395

“You and your daughter will both calm soon and talk rationally.”

“That talk should not include her bf. But Jaden has to GO! He’s using you and your daughter!”

“Don’t even consider letting that fool back into your home!”  ~ BatDance3121

Well OP certainly has a lot to think about.

This is a sad situation.

At least OP knows she can come to Reddit for some back up.

Hopefully mother and daughter will calm down and come to a happier conclusion.