When it comes to household chores, far too many men still have the old-fashioned idea that their wives should be in charge of certain things, simply because they’re women.
True, some women actually enjoy stereotypical duties associated with them, such as laundry and cooking, as do plenty of men.
Even so, it’s difficult not to be taken aback by any husband who expects this from his wife.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor Such_Conversation_57, who was the designated cook in her household
Thankfully, the original poster (OP) was glad to take on these duties, as she loved to cook.
However, she was less eager to head to the kitchen when her husband demanded it of her and made the reasoning crystal clear.
Wondering if she might have overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for saying that no one was getting any food until I finished my work?”
The OP explained why she wouldn’t budge and make a meal for her husband and stepdaughter on a recent weekend.
“I (29 F[emale]) live with my husband Tom (32 M[ale]).’
“He has a child Anna (5 F) that he sees on weekends.”
“I love Tom a lot, but honestly he can be a little exhausting sometimes.”
“Anna is always sweet.”
“A little background context: in my family, my mother always did much of the work.”
“She had a high-paying job just like my dad did (both of them software engineers), but my dad was often on the couch playing video games while she worked on her laptop and cooked and cleaned all at the same time.”
“I hated the dynamic and brought it up with my mom often, but she had always just defended my dad saying that he did a lot of work.”
“I promised myself that I was never going to grow up and marry someone like my dad.”
“Now, years later… I’m kind of in that position.”
“It’s true that Tom does bring in a lot of money, but so do I.”
“The first year or so was good.”
“Sometimes he forgot things and had to be reminded, but overall he did what he was supposed to.”
“After that, he just started slacking until I was doing the majority of the household chores and work.”
“Every time I brought it up and tried to get him to change, he at first promised he would and then go back to his normal routine a few days later, and then later on he would just sulk every time I asked him to do the chores.”
“I guess I kind of stopped asking because it never got anywhere.”
“Over the weekend, Tom brought Anna over.”
“I was working on a big project on my laptop, and had been since early morning.”
“He went out with Anna for breakfast, and then came back around noon asking what was for lunch.”
“I told him I would do sandwiches or something later because I was busy.”
“He kind of looked at me weirdly, and then went and sat on the couch and played video games while Anna napped.”
“Every once in a while he would look over at me, and then go back to playing video games.”
“Later he finally puts down the controller and came up to me and asked why the sandwiches weren’t ready yet.”
“I told him that he knew I had a big project I was working on and would do it later.”
“He tried to take the computer away from me coaxingly and said that Anna would be hungry and that the project could wait.”
“At that point, I kind of snapped.”
“I was stressed from the project and I hadn’t eaten all day (my fault), and I sort of yelled.”
“I told him that he had arms and legs and a working brain so he could make lunch too, and that he does this all the time, and that he needs to start pulling his weight.’
“He got startled but then yelled back that cooking was my job.”
“(I usually do the cooking and usually it isn’t a problem because I like cooking).”
“I told him fine.”
“I said I was sorry for trying to push my duties onto him.”
“I had been about to make the sandwiches after a small portion of the work was done, to relax with a bit of cooking before returning to the project, but I then told him that I absolutely would make the sandwiches, but only when all my work was done.”
“He started whining, but I told him either he finds some other form of food for him and Anna, or they wait.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was NOT the a**hole for refusing to make her husband lunch until she was done with her work.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s husband was immature, and the OP was absolutely correct to point out that he was more than capable of making a sandwich himself, with some even wondering if the OP should remain in this marriage.
“Your husband has conditioned you into doing all the work around the house, and you’ve let it slide, you even admitted you stopped asking because it never got anywhere.”
“Now you’ve got a 32-year-old son on top of a 5-year-old step daughter.”
“He is so lazy, immature and you shouldn’t put up with this anymore.”
“Put your foot down with him!”
“He’s fully capable of making a few sandwiches for lunch, which is the easiest thing to make – especially as he knows you’re busy on a big work project.”- Caspian4136
“These types of stories give me such a headache.”
“But YTA to yourself for apologizing to him for ‘pushing your duties onto him’.”
“You were working.”
“He was playing a video game.”
“An actual child could make a freaking sandwich, but not your adult husband?”
“You need to nip this in the bud now, or it’ll only get worse.”- mniji
“But why are you still married to him?”
“The idea of a grown man pouting like a child and refusing to do chores or make his own lunch is deeply unattractive.”- Forward_Squirrel8879
“You’re married to an entitled brat.”
“Whether you do the majority of the cooking or not, the man can make himself and his kid a damn sandwich.”- vigilante-shxt
“If you don’t like doing the majority of chores, then stop doing them.”
“Tom is obviously lazy, but you’re enabling it.”
“Typical misogynistic BS, and all the other stuff comes with it.”
“NOT WORTH IT.”
“You better not be, he doesn’t do his part of the chores, you don’t owe him anything.”
‘It’s one thing if you like doing it and you offer to do it constantly, but nothing in the household is your job.”
“If that’s how you think you’re getting into nut-job territory.”- randoming999999
“Him trying to take the computer away is a serious AH move.”
“HE could go make sandwiches for the family since it was clearly an important project.”
“Sounds like time for a serious discussion about shared responsibilities and chores.”
“You both have duties to your child and family.”
“He shouldn’t demand you be doing everything.”- WholeAd2742
“NTA for the situation, but it is incomprehensible to me that you apologized about ‘pushing your duties onto him’ when your husband is perfectly capable of making you and his daughter sandwiches.”
“Instead of blowing up you could have said ‘the sandwich stuff is in the kitchen in the usual place, I’d like an X while you are making sandwiches for Anna and yourself, and a glass of x.”
“And you should be doing it regularly enough that it isn’t a surprise.”- Plumbus-aficianado
“You are your mom.”
“Your husband is lazy and isn’t doing his share.”
“You need to demand changes in your home ASAP, or you will end up miserable and resentful.”
“NTA, but you need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself properly.”- vivid_prophecy
“He’s a grown man with the full capability to make his own meal.”
“Not only that, but he should have the level of mature insight to realize that because your job takes up so much time, he should support you through some of those ‘household tasks’.”
“Sandwiches aren’t hard, chores aren’t hard, and him showing that he believes that you should do all of it despite the work you do is problematic.”
“It sounds as though he hasn’t been willing to take the feedback to heart either.”- Delta4137
It’s honestly rather difficult to decide which is worse, the fact that the OP’s husband apparently isn’t capable of making a sandwich, or his complete disregard for his wife’s important project.
A project she was working on to help support her family, mind you.
One hopes the OP’s husband offers her the apology she deserves if he ever wants her to make him a sandwich ever again.