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Guy Torn After Offering Brother Who Was Written Out Of Dad’s Will For Being Bi A Fraction Of His Inheritance

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We never know what the future holds.

The choices we make can obviously effect our future, but what happens when someone else’s choices come to bite us?

This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) AppealMountain9218 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole”(AITA) subReddit for clarity.

He asked:

AITA for “only” offering my brother $25K after he was written out of the will?”

He began with a brief introduction.

I will try to keep this short. Ask if you want more details.”

“My brother is bi, and my dad was very conservative/religious.”

“Dad was diagnosed with late-stage cancer about 5 or so years ago.”

“The doctors gave him at most 4-6 months to live.”

“Dad told my brother and I that he was going to leave us ~$250K each.”

“At the time, my brother’s boyfriend was trying to convince him to come out together.”

“His boyfriend said that he was tired of having to introduce themselves as friends and not as a couple. I advised my brother to wait until our dad died before doing so.”

OP’s brother made a choice.

“My brother disregarded my advice, saying that he neither wanted nor needed a homophobe’s money.”

“Unsurprisingly, dad rewrote the will so that my brother’s money would instead go to charity.”

Later.

“My brother recently contacted me for the first time in years.”

“He told me that he lost his office job in spring 2020 and had broken up with his boyfriend.”

“He mentioned that he was currently working 2 temporary jobs and staying in a crappy apartment with some very unpleasant roommates.”

“He then asked me if I was willing to split my portion of the inheritance 50-50 with him.”

“Now, I was able to nearly double my inheritance through some smart and lucky (mostly lucky) investing.”

“I told my brother that I can’t give him half, as my wife and I are expecting twins and thus need to buy a house. The housing market in my city is absolutely ridiculous.”

“For reference, a 3 bed, 2 bath, 1900 square foot house in a neighborhood that my wife and I were looking at just sold for $549,000.”

“I told my brother that I can give him $25k.”

“He blew up at me for “only” offering $25k.”

“I told him that he wouldn’t be in his current situation if he had listened to my advice 5 years ago and that it was $25k or nothing.”

“He then took me up on my offer and I wired him the $25k, but he blocked me on everything immediately afterwards.”

Having laid out the issue at hand, OP turned to Reddit for guidance. 

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: NTA

Some responses were analytical. 

NTA.”

“I think an important detail is that brother’s inheritance went to charity not to OP.”

“It isn’t and never was ‘brother’s money’.”

“Brother also did not ask for inheritance immediately after dad’s death but waited several years to resurface.”~engineer2187

Others viewed this as a natural consequence of the brother’s choices. 

“NTA”

“Reasoning aside. He said he didn’t need the money. Sorry man, you burnt your own bridge.”

“If it makes you feel better our home has the same number of rooms but 500 feet fewer and easily goes for over 850k.”

“If we were in the Silicon Valley (30 miles away) it would easily be 1.5m.”

“I feel you on the housing market. It sucks.”

“You were more than generous with your brother. If he can’t live on 25k then he needs to evaluate his decisions.”~Thediciplematt

Or,

“NTA”

“I feel really sorry for your brother but he did make this choice.”

“You have been very generous, in my view, to someone that hasn’t been in touch for years.”

“Yes he’s family but it takes two to keep a relationship warm.”

“So for him to call you, ask for money, ACCEPT it, and then BLOCK you because it wasn’t enough, well, I have no words for that.”

“Good luck with the house hunt OP.”~Inevitable-Mastodon1

Some responses were very direct.

“Not his job to support an adult.”~montypoodle07

Commenters acknowledged the terrible nature of the choice without relieving the brother of responsibility.

NTA only because of his statement that he ‘doesn’t want or need a homophobes money’.”

“That makes it very clear that he made a choice here and knew the potential consequences and was ok with that.”

“It’s a crappy choice that he had to make, and really unfair for him that your dad was such a jerk, but ultimately it was a choice he knowingly made.”

“He’s not entitled to your money now, just because things didn’t work out how he wanted.”

“You also didn’t get his share of the money, so it’s not like you’re withholding any amount that should have been his.”

“His reaction to you was immature and petty.”

“You just gave him 25k of your own money and he blocked you, that shows you made the right choice to say no.”~The_Rural_Banshee

And,

“NTA – If your father had given you the full inheritance then I could understand splitting with your brother.”

“But your father gave you what he intended to give you anyway.”

“You also clearly warned your brother about the consequences of his actions and he specifically stated that he doesn’t want the inheritance money.”

“On top of that, you are now years later and don’t even have a good relationship with your brother.”

“You don’t owe your brother anything.”

“You shouldn’t be punished by giving away half of the inheritance you would have received anyway also if your brother would have received his part.”

“Because your brother made a stubborn and stupid mistake.”

“It sucks that your dad was against gay people, so he is also the a**hole here.”

“But that doesn’t mean you need to pay for your brother’s stupidity.”

He knew he would lose the inheritance if he would come out of the closet to your dad and your dad was about to die anyway, so it would have been smarter for him to keep it for himself a bit longer.”~OkPhilosopher1313

We never know what the future holds.

Our choices, of course, affect the course of our life and can have unexpected consequences down the line.

However, it’s not always what we choose, but how we treat the people around us, that has the biggest impact on the world we live in.