They say opposites attract, and more often than not, it’s true.
While they have one fundamental thing in common—their love for each other—their tastes in movies, food, and clothes, not to mention their political views, might be polar opposites.
Most couples have no problem allowing each other to enjoy their preferred hobbies and interests independently.
Tensions might arise when one half of a couple adamantly refuses to share an interest or hobby with the other. Redditor Turbulent_Welder_450 enjoyed movie nights with his wife. However, there were certain types of movies that the original poster (OP) made every effort to avoid watching with her.
His avoidance in these films soon caught the attention of his wife, who was more than a little offended by his actions. Wondering if he was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA because I will not watch anything more complicated than a Hallmark movie with my wife?”
The OP explained why certain movies were off the table for mutual viewing with his wife:
“I love my wife.”
“She is intelligent and sweet.”
“Also she is beautiful inside and out.”
“She teaches high school English and Social Studies.”
“She loves novels and usually has several on the go.”
“However she cannot follow the plot of a movie to save her life.”
“Unless it is about a big city lawyer visiting her hometown to shut down the local factory but instead reconnecting with her high school boyfriend, who is also the local baker and mayor.”
“I’ve known this about her for years, and I have accepted it.”
“I just like vegging with her, so I am happy to see white people rediscovering the magic of Christmas.”
“Or whatever.”
“When we were dating, we watched ‘The Matrix’.”
“The questions she asked had me wondering about her.”
“Ditto for anything complex.”
“Even ‘The Usual Suspects’ where they lay everything out for you she didn’t get the ending.”
“We had her sister and brother-in-law over for a couples night on Friday.”
“We made supper, and the plan was to watch a movie.”
“Her sister wanted to watch ‘Shutter Island’.”
“I will not spoil it, but the movie has many twists.”
“The ending is awesome.”
“I tried my best to suggest anything else.”
“They all ganged up on me and said we were watching ‘Shutter Island’.”
“My wife proceeded to embarrass herself by not understanding the ending and asking questions that were not great.”
“Her sister and her husband were looking at my wife like she was Simple Jack.”
“I tried my best to cover for her or telling her I would explain it later.”
“She got mad at me for not just answering her questions.”
“After they left she started in on me.”
“She said that she noticed that we always watched a certain kind of movie and that she thought I enjoyed them.”
“I said I did because we got to spend time together, and that made me happy.”
“She said that she was not an idiot and that she just didn’t concentrate on movies.”
“She recited the plots of several novels to prove her point.”
“I said that I had never commented on her intelligence and that she was smarter than me.”
“She says that I’m a jerk for not watching movies I enjoy with her.”
“So I agreed, and we watched Memento today.”
“I think her head almost exploded from not asking questions.”
“I saw her on Wikipedia reading the plot.”
“AITA for intentionally not watching complicated movies with my wife?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was on the fence as to whether or not the OP was the a**hole for refusing to watch complicated movies with his wife.
Some felt that there were no a**holes in the situation, understanding the OP’s frustrations in being bombarded by questions, but feeling that his wife had every right to watch whatever movie she pleased, and if she needed to read a synopsis on Wikipedia afterward, so be it.
“NAH.”
“I can understand why you picked movies you could both enjoy, and I can see why she might be a bit miffed at the miscommunication.”
“Having said that, maybe she’s already solved the problem.”
“You both watch the complex movie together, and then she reads the plot summary so she can process the information in a way that makes sense to her.”
“Then she doesn’t have to ask questions, and you can both enjoy movies together.”
“Depending on how her brain works, she might even enjoy reading the plot summary first, and then watching it with you.”
“She might be able to enjoy the movie even more.”
“It’d be like when you watch a movie about a book you read, but this time everything is accurate because the ‘book’ is the plot summary.”- aldergirl
“NAH.”
“It’s actually not uncommon to process written language better than spoken.”
“I’m not as severe as your wife, but if I have the option, I always go for subtitles.”
“And yes, sometimes I need to read something for it to sink in.”
“I can’t listen to podcasts, they are like an annoying itch in my head.”
“I’m just a bit surprised she’s not more aware of the issue.”
“Maybe she can talk to her GP?”
“Sometimes the upside is mostly some tools and tips on managing her condition to make it easier.”- Ok_Homework_7621
Others, however, had trouble sympathizing with the OP. They found his attitude towards his wife a bit demeaning and did not fully understand why she was so offended.
“She finds reading more engaging than watching.”
“‘I saw her on Wikipedia reading the plot’.”
“This sounds like a really great solution.”
“I’d say ask her if she enjoyed that way of watching with you, but I think it’s too sensitive of a topic to bring up right now.”
“You kind of suck for being inauthentic towards her. Instead of just putting on movies you think are easy to follow, you could have asked, hey, let’s find something that doesn’t require a lot of concentration to follow; what would you like?”
“Things like cooking shows or stand-up comedy don’t really require you to pay constant attention either.”
“I think what makes YTA is that it sounds like when this happens, you just look at her like she has five heads.”
“If you know she’s smart but has trouble paying attention, then just explain to her without the weird judgement.”- sunlightanddoghair
“YTA.”
“There are so many good movies out there.”
“But all of your examples are from the 2% of movies that are deliberately confusing or known for their plot twists.”
“If you look at IMDB’s ‘Best Movies of all time’, while I strongly disagree with the list, I’m sure she’d be fine the large majority of movies there.”
“It comes across like you’re searching hard for some way to put her down.”
“You’re embarrassed by her because she didn’t get the plot twists of ‘Shutter Island’?”
“She likes to watch movies, it’s an activity you do with friends, but she’s only capable of movies that are famously stupid?”- No_Beautiful5200
“Not sure how to vote, but leaning towards YTA.”
“While it does sound annoying for you, the way you talk about your wife is kinda condescending.”
“It’s like you think that because she has trouble following one specific type of movie (cerebral + plot twisty) that she can only handle crappy chick flicks (AND you’re embarrassed for her by that).”
“You also basically talked down to her in front of her sister and BIL.”
“Are you even so sure they really thought she was so stupid?”
“Or that they were that bothered by her not getting the twist?”
“What I really don’t get is this: why is the only alternative to movies with plot twists designed to mess with your head Hallmark movies?”
“Like, there are plenty of other genres out there.”
“Pick something better than Hallmark but with not so many plot twists.”
“It can’t be that hard.”
“Or, as someone else suggested, if you HAVE to pick something with a big reveal at the end, let her read the plot summary on IMDB either before or after the movie so she can process it better.”-Organic_Draft_4578
“YTA for selecting ‘Memento’ as the film you tried to bring her in on for the first one, you knew what you were doing and there are hundreds of brilliant films that don’t completely challenge how films are structured.”
“Why not just be done with it and choose ‘Tenet’?”
“Some films are hard to pick everything up on the first time, and Nolan is a master at this.”
“Very unfair thing to do imo.”
“Should’ve picked a good film without an intentionally complicated structure.”- Sigh_Bapanaada
There are few greater frustrations than choosing a movie to watch at home that you know everyone will like.
On the one hand, since it seems the OP and his wife both enjoy Hallmark movies, there would appear to be little reason to sway from that genre. However, the OP shouldn’t withhold movies he considers “complicated” from his wife just because he thinks they’ll go over her head.
After all, some people like to be challenged, and curious minds tend to live happier lives.
And let’s be honest: Who didn’t need to watch Memento multiple times to catch every detail?