A 55-year-old mother absolutely cannot stand tattoos.
So when her 22-year-old daughter got one of a butterfly on her shoulder, she became very upset.
Up until this point, the mother managed to succeed in having her daughter avoid getting inked because she was paying for her college tuition.
But now that her tatted daughter is paying her own way through grad school, the mother made another conditional arrangement.
Blinded by her frustration, she wondered if she was being unreasonable.
She went to the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit where she asked:
"AITA for making my daughter cover up at home?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Background info: I (58 Female) have a daughter (22 Female). I am very anti-tattoo and my daughter is very aware of this."
"When she left to go to college, I told her that as long as I was paying for her school, she was not allowed to get a tattoo."
"Since I was paying for her undergrad, she followed my rules."
"When she was getting ready to start grad school about 1.5 years ago, which she was paying for, she apparently went out and got a tattoo of a butterfly on her shoulder that's about the size of my fist."
"I didn't know about it until about 6 months ago when she finally mentioned it. I absolutely hate it, I think it's ugly and gross."
"The current situation: My daughter is moving back in with me and my mother to complete her internship that is required for her masters degree."
"I told her that when she is in the house she has to wear clothing that covers the tattoo because I don't want to see it."
"She says that's not fair because it is very hot where we live and she likes to wear tank tops and stuff."
"I say it's my house so it's my rules and she is welcome to find other living arrangements if she doesn't like it."
"I know that she cannot find other arrangements because the internship is unpaid so she has no option exception living with me for free."
"My mother doesn't really like tattoos either, but she hasn't said anything about this situation except to say she is staying out of it."
"I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices, but I cannot stand the tattoo and I'm so disappointed that she made the choice to get one. So, AITA?"
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditor thought the OP was the a**hole for imposing such strict restrictions because of her personal distate for tattoos.
"YTA. Also, something to contemplate: Which is bigger, your hatred of tattoos or your love for your daughter?"
"Because one of those two things is going to shape your relationship with her, your call which one." - meowmumbroken
"Did I miss something where the tattoo is super offensive? OP is talking like the girl has a swastika or SS bolts or something."
"If not, calling a part of your daughter 'ugly and gross' is … a bit much. YTA." – ItsJustATux
"My parents both hate tattoos. They never told me I wasn't allowed to get one or anything, but they were so vocal in their dislike that I internalized it and didn't work up the nerve to get my first tattoo until I was 33."
"I was still soooo nervous about sharing it with my parents, but guess what? They both said, 'well, it's not our thing, but it's your body - glad you are happy with it!' and we moved on."
"YTA, OP." – caffeinefree
"YTA. And controlling too. My parents hate tattoos. They would rather I didn't get one, but guess what? They know it's my body and as a grown a** adult, I can do what I want with my body and know that I will be loved exactly the same regardless." – ccam04
YTA. Yeah, sure it's your money and your house and all that good shit.
"But my god woman, your daughter is not some auxiliary attachment of yours. She's going to have her own morals and values and wants and you need to just get the hell over it."
"No one is making you get tatted, but your daughter is an adult who is allowed to make her own choices. She shouldn't have to 'cover up' in her place of living just because you're too sensitive." – PoisonOfKings
"YTA - Do you actually have a legitimate reason behind hating tattoos or are you one of those parents that need to control every aspect of their child's life?"
"Why TF do you care about a small butterfly tattoo, How does it ACTUALLY AFFECT you? It's not like your daughter is a bum, it just sounds like you're making a mountain out of a mole hill." – Excellent-Guest-1082
"Also OP YTA for placing conditions on the gift of her tuition as well. A gift with strings attached isn't a gift at all."
"In the future, reconsider your motivations when doing things/giving things to your daughter. If they're meant to get her to do what you want, just skip the gift altogether." – ImRoxBox
"YTA...and you know it."
'I think I might be the a**hole because she is an adult who can make her own choices.'
"You are punishing her for making a grown up choice you don't like...a choice she was perfectly entitled to make and you know that is what you are doing too 'I'm so disappointed that she made the choice to get one.'"
"You are right it is your house so you can technically have any rules you like no matter how unreasonable as long as they are legal. But you know you are being an AH and don't be surprised if this tarnishes your relationship." – Whitestaunton
"YTA - OP I get it, you dislike tattoos. My mother was the exact same way, but her reaction to my older sister's first ink was better than yours."
"It's your daughter, if you dislike part of your daughter, that's not going to end well for you both. I watched my sister separate herself and become more and more sneaky behind her/my mother's back."
"Until once my mother realized she was being absurd, it's a drawing on her skin. If she got 'f'k you OP' on her shoulder than maybe you'd be in the right here. Other than that, you have to relax."
"You know as you mentioned that she can't live elsewhere, so why make her struggle while being at home. Just get past the ink, times have changed love, tattoos no longer stop people from employment opportunities or anything like that."
"Also just know this, she got that tattoo because SHE loves it. It wasn't to spite you, but she may get more to spite you if your behavior continues. Don't give your kids a reason to spite you, especially over something so tolerable as a tattoo." – Estre11a
Overall, Redditors strongly objected to the OP's reaction to her daughter's tattoo.
They also encouraged her to get past her disapproval so as not to drive a further wedge between her and her daughter before it's too late.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.