Living in our current age, it’s becoming easier for people to come out as who they are. While not everyone will agree and support it, there are more people willing to accept it than in the past.
However, Redditor thr0wawayacc0unt8916 isn’t one of those people. When her child came out as non-binary, the original poster (OP) didn’t handle it well.
Now she’s asking the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she was wrong.
“AITA for not wanting to use my daughters new name”
This is what happened:
“Throwaway for obvious reasons.”
“For context I was brought up in a traditional home and while I don’t consider myself a Christian or Catholic I do agree with some of what the bible says.”
“Onto the story then: My (45, F [female]) daughter (15) came out to me a couple weeks ago as nonbinary and asked me to use they/them pronouns and to call her by a completely different name than the name I gave her. I told her that while i support her while she is under my roof I will call her by her birth name.”
“She didn’t really say anything so I assumed she was fine with it. But now she’s gone through the trouble of trying to get her name on the same roll and getting teachers and friends to call her by this new name.”
“When her friends come over and call her this new name I always tell them not to.”
“She is clearly upset by this but what am I meant to do? It’s always something new with her, short dyed hair, bisexual, now this?”
“I don’t know how much I can take anymore. I don’t think I am asking much by wanting to call her by her birth name, the name I chose.”
“Am I really the a**hole in this situation, I don’t think so but my daughter thinks I am.”
On the AITA board, people explain their situation, how they reacted and then are judged by other commenters.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s story has her outright denying the existence her child experiences. In this instance, it was judged OP was the one in the wrong.
But that didn’t stop her from trying to defend herself.
“Surely you understand that you’re not going to change anything by using their old name and refusing to use the pronouns they’re asking you to.”
“I completely understand why this is difficult for you but, in reality, if you don’t try to understand things from your daughter’s point of view and respect her wishes, it’ll only drive a wedge between you two and possibly completely brake down your relationship.”
“Are you prepared to do that for the sake of avoiding you feeling a little awkward about this?” – ghostofkilgore
“But how can she be non binary if she’s got the woman parts, I find it stupid. If she wants to break off contact because of this then all I have to say is wow” – thr0wawayacc0unt8916 (OP)
“Probably YTA. You named them on the information you had at the time of their birth about their gender.”