When it comes to relationships, we all generally have an idea of what would be a dealbreaker.
But there are some dealbreakers that we assume would go without saying, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Impossible-Break1947 was infuriated by her partner constantly interrupting her brief nightly relaxation period.
But when he refused to listen to her, the Original Poster (OP) was left feeling disgusted.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my partner not to use the bathroom?”
The OP’s husband regularly interrupted her quiet time.
“My partner (42 Male) and I (36 Female) share a small flat with one bathroom. Every evening I enjoy a relaxing bath to unwind and de-stress.”
“Every evening without fail my partner will interrupt me to take a massive stinking dump in the toilet right next to the bath I’m trying to relax in.”
“Not only that but he will sit on his phone and play loud annoying videos on his phone.”
“It totally ruins my relaxation time.”
She tried to talk to him about it but to no avail.
“I’ve tried to be polite and ask him to turn down the videos a bit or at least spray some air freshener, but he just laughs.”
“He doesn’t understand why this is such a big deal to me as taking a bath is purely functional to him.”
The OP had had enough.
“Tonight he waltzed in to take a s**t while I was relaxing, and I blew up at him and told him to use the toilet when I was done.”
“He’s really upset.”
The OP also clarified that she wasn’t taking long baths, either.
“Also, to clarify, I just take a short bath, 30 minutes maximum. I take my bath at random times in the evening, anywhere from 7 – 11 o’clock at night.”
“In the past, I would ask if he needed to use the bathroom, but he would say probably at some point but not give a definite answer.”
“I’ve spoken to him tonight after our argument, and he says he likes having company on the toilet.”
“AITA for being too precious with my bath time?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were thoroughly grossed out by the husband’s frequency and need for “company.”
“The bar of respect needs to be higher. OP, get out of this relationship.”
“The ‘company’ thing is bulls**t. It’s a fetish he’s indulging in against her consent, probably he enjoys it more because of her lack of consent.”
“Or it’s an early level of abuse that will escalate once he’s got her past the next sunk cost fallacy point. Or both.” – Professional_Ruin953
“NTA. This is either a power move or a kink/fetish.” – Munchkins_nDragons
“NTA. So your partner was upset when you yelled at him? Good. He should be upset because his actions made you upset.”
“Let him be upset. Stop being polite about it. Maybe the more upset you make him, the less he will do it.”
“And don’t let him get away with saying that he doesn’t respect your baths because he doesn’t understand how bathing can be anything but functional.”
“You, OP, wrote the sentence, ‘every evening I enjoy a relaxing bath to unwind and de-stress,’ and that was enough to convince me. And I don’t know you!”
“And scrolling the comments, I don’t see a lot of people asking what ‘un-wind’ means or asking what you do in the bathtub for it to be so relaxing. Why is one sentence of yours enough for thousands of strangers to understand, but your live-in partner won’t do it?” – DazeIt420
“Oh my god! NTA!! My boyfriend has stomach issues and isn’t very consistent with bathroom times. He knows I enjoy my relaxing baths and would never come in there when I’m in relaxation mode.”
“My compromise with our one bathroom is to crack the door as soon as I get out so he knows I can step out if necessary but I’m still in there doing my lotion routine.”
“I actually sent him this thread and his 2 responses were, ‘Wow. I read the first paragraph,’ and ‘That’s rude.'”
“It’s a power move and it’s a disgusting one at that. Yes, sometimes things strike, but every time? And maybe tap at the door for an ETA. I can’t even imagine living like that.” – PoppinBubbles578
“This seems intentional, cruel, and controlling. There is, of course, tons of back story not included in this post, but I’m seeing some red flags here. The loud videos on the phone in a small space kind of emphasize the fact that OP’s boyfriend is an a**hole.”
“The post gives me the heebie-jeebies. NTA, but maybe evaluate where you stand with this guy and what you can tolerate, because this is some bulls**t.” – Big_Variety_626
“NTA, he likes the company? LOL (laughing out loud), he may like the company, but it would be a major turn-off for me. I hope you are not having ‘cuddle time’ after he pulls that stunt.”
“I love taking long baths. I will even lock the door (because of the kids). But if my husband desperately needed in, I would let him. But he is respectful enough to give me peace.”
“I understand some couples are cool with the going to the bathroom together thing. But if you are not, then you are not. And who the heck wants to smell that when you are trying to relax in the tub, normally in a small room?” – BadMamaJama1978
Others suggested locking the door or ending the relationship.
“OP, you are NTA. He’s doing it on purpose, even if it’s subconscious, i.e. not deliberate. It may be territorial in an evolutionary primate way.”
“My spouse does the exact same thing. I told him I was going to start locking the bathroom door for 30 minutes so I could de-stress in peace. Then, I started giving him a heads-up, ‘I’m starting my bath in a few minutes, so use the bathroom now. I’m going to lock the door.’ He got the message after I locked him out one time.”
“This was years ago. Now we live in a house with four bathrooms and yet he still tries to use the bathroom when I am in the bathtub, but we have been married for decades, so I just say, ‘Stop shitting in the bathroom when I’m in the bath, it is an a-hole thing to do. Literally.'”
“Also, my husband is super sensitive to fragrances, so I spray perfume in the bath water while the tub is filling, pro-actively keeping him out of the bathroom for an hour or so. He hates it, which makes me the a-hole, but also lets me bathe in peace.” – RosexKx
“NTA.”
“If this is an every night occurrence, he is deliberately doing this to prevent you from relaxing. This is gross and highly disrespectful.”
“Tell him he needs to use the bathroom before your bath. Once in the bathroom, lock the door or get a rubber wedge stopper to prevent him from coming in.” – mishka1776
“He’s doing it deliberately and thinks it’s funny to f**k with you, gross.”
“Lock the door or get a door stopper if there’s no lock.”
“Also, I’d honestly think of divorce (or counseling at the very least) since this goes beyond just being annoying/disgusting, the lack of respect is staggering.”
“Any person/partner who purposely upsets their partner over and over again after being told to stop is a garbage person/partner.” – FruitParfait
“Ask if he needs to use the restroom before you start your bath. Then lock the door.”
“Also, if your bath is more than an hour, eh, I kind of see them maybe having a need even if they said no prior. I dated someone with Crohn’s disease; so when you got to go, you got to go. Maybe go buy some of the ‘poo-pouri’ thing so he can pour some in the toilet before he goes.”
“However, NTA: if you are being literal and they go out of their way to poop and be loud when you are in the bath.”
“Also, if he did indeed laugh and think it’s no big deal to disrupt your relaxation time. That seems like, you might want to consider the entire health of the relationship as it shows a clear lack of respect.” – valk-n-chips
“NTA. He is purposely waiting for you to get in the bath to take a large smelly poop. That is disgusting.”
“I cannot be in a relationship like this. I would lose all attraction for my partner. I don’t want to smell anyone’s poop. Have you tried locking the door?” – soph_lurk_2018
“You need to either look for a new partner or enjoy being single for the time being. This guy is disgusting.”
“I don’t know what you see in him if he is this disrespectful towards you that he thinks nothing of taking a dump while you’re there having a bath.”
“You’re not the a**hole. He is. He’s not a keeper.” – PohutakawaKowhai
The subReddit was seriously grossed out after reading this one and hoped that the OP was reevaluating her relationship. Not only was he making the bathroom stink, but his behavior really stunk, too.