One of the biggest challenges when it comes to parenting is being judged or questioned about every decision you make.
Even people who never plan on having any children of their own have no trouble raising their eyebrows about certain things parents let their children eat, watch and play with.
In fact, this judgment often begins before the children are born, when people judge and question decisions made by pregnant women.
Needless to say, this does not make way for an easy pregnancy.
A recent Redditor found herself unexpectedly pregnant, which was made a bit more awkward by the fact that she was no longer with her baby’s father.
Further complicating matters, the original poster (OP)’s ex-boyfriend was back with a former girlfriend.
While the two of them were ecstatic by the news, the OP was anything but ecstatic by the way they treated her after sharing the news.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling out my kids’ future stepmom for treating me like a surrogate?”
The OP explained how her rather complicated parenting situation was made even worse by the behavior of her ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend.
“I [29 F[emale]] dated a guy Joe (30 M[ale]) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30 F).”
“Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks.”
“I let him know and he was ecstatic.”
“Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father.”
“Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend.”
“Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment because of COVID-19 and we found out I was having twins.”
“According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility, and wanted to talk to me.”
“I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother.”
“She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kid to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy.”
“I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.”
“Kim continued to be overbearing and texting me everyday about my eating habits, exercise habits, and b*tching about how her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave.”
“At the virtual genetics counseling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant.”
“When it came time for my 20 week level 2 scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do.”
“Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party.”
“I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins ‘the non-traditional way’ and how blessed she was.”
“I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut.”
“Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media.”
“I wasn’t even invited.”
“She also announced that she’s having a baby shower.”
“I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born.”
“I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner.”
“He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an a**hole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap?”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was in no way the a**Hole for the way she spoke to her ex’s girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s ex’s girlfriend was invasive and way out of line, with many even suggesting she should take legal action against both of them.
“NTA.”
“I am sorry she has fertility issues and I can understand why this news may have thrown her for a loop.”
“That being said, YOU are the mother.”
“YOU get to make decisions about YOUR body and YOUR children.”
“YOU need to be the parent right now and protect your self and those babies.”
“You are not Joe’s wife.”
“And she isn’t either.”
“Lawyer up, now, as extreme as you can – restraining orders, birth plan that does not include Joe, Kim, or her mother (WTH?), create a will and health directive too, we’ve all seen movies of the week where someone snaps and bad things happen.”
“Get these documents to your doctor, the hospital, the police, anyone who can support you so that they are available at a moment’s notice.”
“Do not be alone ever, I don’t think I can understate this one.”
“Move and don’t tell them where.”
“Document everything you can – texts, social media, emails, record phone calls if you can.”
“You need to stay off social media (but maybe monitor theirs).”
“Get yourself a new phone, but don’t get rid of your existing one (again, to monitor their bat-sh*t crazy contact with you).”
“This is for 18 years now.”
‘Don’t forget, get tired, let things lapse, think you’ll do it tomorrow.”
“Not trying to freak you out but it sure sounds like if she sees an opening, she will take it.”
“I’m sending you every bit of good karma I can, please take care of yourself and those babies!”-neenermom
“NTA.”
“This is very creepy but when I read in OP’s post that Kim wanted OP to give birth at home I feared OP wouldn’t get out of there alive.”
“Poor OP.”
“I hope you and your babies find peace and happiness.”- ultrapaiva
“NTA.”
“OP be very VERY careful.”
“Your ex sounds like a wimp and anything that comes out of his mouth has been planted by his gf.”
“Like the others have said, get a lawyer, get someone checking up on you everyday, and tell her she’s not involved.”
“At the earliest, log a police complaint cos then there’s a record.”
“You ex will do whatever she tells him to do.”
“Don’t trust him.”- Livid-League-1700
“I hope you are safe, best but to put anything in here as to what your plan is.”
“Hopefully the exposure this has created will stop what ever weird true movie plan she had!”
“Please move ASAP!”
“Don’t tell anyone you don’t have to, no forwarding info.”
“This Kim Is more unhinged than a old door, she’s got a plan, personally I would put something on her social media telling people she appears to have misunderstood her position in your children’s life but you have no intention of ‘sharing with them her/ splitting them’.”
“The more people who are aware of her behaviour the better!”
“They will all see just how crazy she is.”
“Then block all contact move- file paperwork in your new town and don’t look back!”
“The fact she’s been arrested and what’s she’s said get a copy of that report if you can it’s evidence how unstable she is!”
“Good luck, please post just to tell us your okay- no need to put any other info we all want you all to stay safe.”- Glittering_Fly_5625
“NTA.”
“What the heck!?!??”
‘Oh my.”
“Yah she’s way out of line.”
“You need to share your side cause I bet she’s spinning a very different story.”
“Also as other have said, move out of that state now!”
“Like right now.”
“And get a lawyer.”- makiko4
The OP later shared an update, sharing that she heard the advice of the Reddit community and made a decision accordingly.
“I have orders of protection against both Kim and Joe.”
“I left the state anyway and Joe and Kim started harassing me again because there’s no legal jurisdiction when you leave the state, but I have enough evidence that I was able to press charges in my current state as well and will be pursuing a restraining order here.”
It’s very sad that Kim isn’t capable of having children of her own.
However, while it is noble of her to treat the OP’s children as if they were her own, she must remind herself that they are not her children, and she has no say on any decisions the OP makes over the course of her pregnancy.
Perhaps the legal action taken against her might be the wake-up call she needs to reflect on her behavior.