Being the one everyone relies on is something of a blessing and a curse.
You should only feel flattered if people trust you so much that you’re always the one people turn to when they’re feeling down or need help.
Of course, that can often result in your feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
Especially if people turn to you asking for help you can’t exactly provide.
The sibling of Redditor babygrlchyna was in need of help and turned to the original poster (OP), who was considered the “responsible one” in the family.
Unfortunately, this was help that the OP didn’t feel comfortable providing.
As one might expect, turning down their sibling’s help did not sit well with their sibling or the rest of their family, who even went so far as to call the OP “heartless”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to spend my savings to bail out my sibling from debt?”
The OP explained how they ended up finding themselves at odds with the rest of their family:
“My sibling recently approached me, asking for help with their financial situation.”
“Apparently, they’ve racked up a ton of debt over the past few years from ’emergency’ purchases and lifestyle choices.”
“They’ve been struggling to manage it, and now it’s at a breaking point where creditors are contacting them non-stop.”
“I’ve been careful with my money, working hard and saving for years to build up a bit of a safety net for myself.”
“I’m not rolling in cash, but I’ve got enough set aside to feel secure.”
“When my sibling asked me to help, they weren’t looking for a small loan; they wanted me to clear out nearly all my savings to cover their debts.”
“They argued that ‘family should help each other’ and implied I was selfish for not wanting to help them get out of this mess.”
“I tried suggesting other options like talking to a financial advisor or consolidating their debt but they brushed those off, saying they’d take too long and that I was their ‘only real option’.”
“They even got my parents involved, who are now pressuring me, saying that ‘family is more important than money’ and that I should do this because I’m the ‘responsible one’.”
“I feel for my sibling, and I understand they’re in a tough spot.”
“But it doesn’t feel fair to me to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for, especially when I had nothing to do with their financial choices.”
“Now I’m being called heartless and cold by my family, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being selfish for holding onto my savings.”
“AITA for refusing to use my savings to bail out my sibling?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to bail their sibling out.
Everyone agreed that the OP should not have felt remotely obligated to help their sibling owing to their poor money management, as this could very likely be a repeat occurrence, and their family was incredibly out of line by saying they were heartless:
“NTA.”
“It’s their fault they got into this situation, and it’s not your responsibility to get them out of it, especially if it will put you in a bad situation to help them.”- ExistenceRaisin
“NTA.”
“If you bail your sibling out I guarantee in 6 months time if not sooner they’ll want another handout and be back in the same position.”
“Tell your parents if they want to bail them out that’s on them but it’s time to stop enabling them and give them a real world wake up call.”
“Otherwise they’ll never learn and why should you be their personal ATM because they feel they deserve things above their means?”- ColdstreamCapple
“NTA.”
“You saved money, they didn’t.”
“They got into debt, you didn’t.”
“Tell everyone who wants to help to put their money in if they’re so happy to spend your money.”- City_Girl_at_heart
“NTA.”
“Please do not let your family pressure you into giving away your hard earned savings.”
“No!”
“They are wrong.”
“You are not wrong.”
“Period.”
“Consider also that you are pouring money into a bottomless hole here until your sibling learns how to manage their finances and right the ship.”
“They have to do that first, before any bailout and not after.”
“Your suggestions were the right ones – go consolidate the debt, form a repayment plan, etc.”-PracticallySkeptic
“NTA.”
“You are not the only option.”
“You’re the only option with zero consequences.”
“This couple needs to either consolidate their debt or go through bankruptcy.”
“Let them live with the consequences of their actions.”- RRW2020
“NTA.”
“Why should you?”
“How do they know you have so much saved up?”- TickityTickityBoom
“NTA.”
“Their choices that have helped them dig themselves into the hole are the same reason you would never see this money again if you were to ‘bail them out’.”
“So in reality, your savings would clear their debt and the behaviours that got them into this mess would continue as they would have a clean slate.”- lurninandlurkin
“So, you sacrifice your savings to rescue them.”
“When a crisis hits you and you now have nothing, who is going to rescue you?”
“First, no one should know what is in your savings.”
“You were foolish to let your siblings and parents know about your personal finance.”
“Second.”
“Take your savings and put it into a secured government bond.”
“It’s safe, it gives great interest and most importantly, it ties up your money for a year or 2 years or 5 years, whichever you choose.”
“Third, tell your sibling your money is in an investment bond for 10 years and you cannot access it so will be unable to help them.”
“If they remember in 10 years and ask, you ´rolled it over’.”
“Fourth, write to your parents that holding you responsible for fixing your sibling’s mess and pressuring you to sacrifice your prudent savings to erase the results of their imprudence is unfair and deeply hurtful.”
“That they are punishing you for the work, sacrifice and pursuit of stability you put in and seem willing to sacrifice all of that and your future security to patch up your irresponsible sibling’s personal disaster of their own making.”
“Go low contact until they mull it over and produce an apology.”
“Family values and supports everyone.”
“Family does not sacrifice one member for another.”
“Family does not take, take, take from one person giving nothing in return.”
“And family can be made from people who love and support you without any dna connection.”
“Choose people who choose you.”
“NTA.”- Viva_Veracity1906
“NTA.”
“You want be bailing them out you will be enabling them.”
“They will be back in debt in no time and come to you again.”- LeaveInteresting3290
“NTA.”
“Whatever you give will be lost because they don’t know how to manage their income and out outgoings.”
“You are correct in suggesting they speak to a debt consolidation expert – buy all means pay for someone half decent.”
“They need advice – they don’t need to drag you down.”- Famous_Specialist_44
“‘Family is more important than money'” apart from you, apparently.”
“NTA.”- Ulfgeirr88
“NTA.”
“Don’t help- she has to learn the hard way.”
“She’ll do the same again.”- Georgi2024
“NTA.”
“That money is a little treasure that you earned with your work and it is used, if necessary, for your emergencies (medical, economic, etc …).”
“If your sibling is really in such trouble, if you want, if you feel like it, you could help them in another way: with groceries, with small maintenance jobs at home or on the car.”
“But giving the money to them seems like the equivalent of throwing it in the toilet, so I would avoid it.”- 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
“NTA.”
“That ‘family helps family’ line always only works once way.”
“So easy for them to put pressure on you to help them but they are willing to destroy your savings to do so which helps you 0%.”
“You are not obligated to help any family member who is not your spouse or children.”
“If your parents feel so strongly that your sibling needs help they should be the ones to help not you.”
“Just tell them you don’t have that type of money to lend and never tell them about your financial assets again since they feel so entitled to it.”- Sweetsmyle
Anyone who hasn’t found themselves in a position where they needed to ask for financial assistance should consider themselves very lucky.
In truth, so should those who are constantly asked for financial assistance.
But no one asking for financial assistance should ever expect to receive it, nor should those being asked ever feel obligated to give it.
Hopefully knowing that the OP will not always be there to bail them out will be the wake-up call their sibling needs to manage their finances a bit more responsibly.