Nobody in the world wants to take a side against their friend.
We want to believe the best in our friends at all times, but as our friends are human they are most certainly not perfect. They make mistakes and real friends tell their friends when they are in the wrong.
Sadly they are not always receptive to our feedback. They can really get defensive, as Redditor BasketBallStar99 found out when she tried to gently push back at her friend for getting into a fight with her boss.
After her friend got extremely upset, she needed more input.
For this input, she turned to popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA”.
“AITA for telling my friend she was overreacting to her employee giving away coffee, and she should consider apologizing?”
Our original poster, or OP, was listening to her friend vent when a point came up.
“Yesterday my friend and I were talking on the phone, just catching up on our days at work. She was venting to me how she didn’t feel respected at work.”
“She’s a manager at a coffee chain.”
“I asked her why and she said her employees do what they want and try to be sneaky. Employees get a free pound of coffee a week.”
“The employee’s mom visited her at work and the employee gave the pound of coffee to the mom. I guess you aren’t supposed to do it this way? Or she rang it up wrong? Either way, the employee broke the rule on a technicality.”
OP’s friend took this very personally.
“My friend thinks this was done out of disrespect.”
“She told me she wrote up the employee, and in the meeting with the employee she yelled at her and needs to show respect for her and the rules, asking why she would try to go behind her back.”
“She said the employee started to cry and that they didn’t understand that what they were doing would be considered breaking the rules.”
“My friend thinks she was lying to try to not get into trouble. I told my friend yes she was correct in the write up if that’s the company policy, but it was a bit extreme and unprofessional to yell at her employee.”
And OP shared how she felt about the event.
“I said it probably wasn’t done out of disrespect, but confusion on technicalities. And even if the employee was trying to be sneaky, all that was needed was the write up, yelling to the point an employee cries is taking it too far.”
“I said she should consider apologizing, especially if she wants respect.”
“Here’s where I might be an a**hole- my friend said that I was just supposed to listen to her venting about her work story, that I am biased due to years of being a waitress, that I don’t see a manager’s point of view.”
“Since I am her friend I shouldn’t be criticizing her actions and I should be on her side automatically.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors overwhelmingly took OP’s side–and felt cautious of her friend.
“NTA .Good friends let you know if you’re doing something wrong.”
“Managers shouldn’t yell at employees. As a manager it’s her responsibility to make sure the employees UNDERSTAND and follow company policy.”
“It sounds like she, NOT you is unable to see other’s point of views. You gave her good advice. She got upset you didn’t blindly side with her just because you’re her friend.”-HotAudience6110
“Absolutely double standard. You are expected to see her side blindly – as it comes from a manager… but your side isn’t valid – as coming from a waitress.”
“So I’d say it’s a step above a double standard in that, from my viewpoint, she’s dismissing your opinion as invalid because you aren’t as good as her.”
“Good managers should absolutely NOT scream at employees (especially over coffee? I mean… come on…). But above and beyond that is her attitude towards you – from your description of events.”
“And I think her screaming at the employee and dismissing your viewpoint come from the same place… she doesn’t value her workers opinion and she doesn’t value yours. She’s a manager and ones a coffee server and the other is a waitress. NTA”-wernercd
“NTA. I don’t see what the issue is. If the employee is allowed a pound of coffee, why is it wrong to give it to someone they are related to.”
“I am allowed to use my 50% discount with family at my work. The policy seems really cut and dry and should allow for some wiggle room.”-PizzaBoundaries
“Yes I worked at Starbucks and your friend sounds like an absolute nightmare of manager! Not only is the employee completely in the right but your friend acting like it is some kind of personal offense is completely insane.”
“Also write ups at Sbux stick with you forever as a permanent blight on your record making what your friend did even more of an A-hole.”
“You are absolutely NTA, I feel so sorry for anyone who has to work under your ‘friend’.”
“Sbux is already a high stress job without adequate pay and managers like this would make work a living hell!!!”
“Sorry if that came off strong, but Starbucks was not a great place to work for me and just imagining someone getting written up (and yelled at!) just for one of the few perks makes me so mad.”-n8erday
Redditors were particularly not thrilled with the friend’s management style.
“NTA. Your friend is a bad manager, period. If she can’t manage without yelling at employees, she has NO business being a manager.”
“If she’s griping about employees being sneaky and doing things to disrespect her, perhaps she should do some self reflection. I sure as hell wouldn’t respect a manager that yelled at me.”-Malachite_Macchiato
“NTA: if an employee receives 1lb of free coffee a week, it becomes their property to do with as they like.”
“It seems petty that the rule is they have to leave company grounds before transferring the property they own to someone else.”
“Your friend seems to lack management skills if she believes all her staff are out to disrespect her.”
“Managers rise to the level of their incompetence (the Peter Principle) and your friend has reached that level.”-valathel
“NTA. A good friend should be able to give you a reality check when you’re being a jerk. Your friend was being a jerk, and unprofessional.”
“It’s helpful to be able to vent to a friend about frustration at work, but she was pretty clearly in the wrong.”-internethussy
“NTA You were totally right, she ought to be able to give a disciplinary and a write-up without taking it personally and losing her sh*t like a demented banshee.”
“She should certainly be professional enough not to make her employees cry, sounds like she’s a school bully that never grew up.”
“Oh, and she should absolutely be professional enough not to discuss confidential personnel issues outside of the workplace.”
“I doubt that giving the coffee allowance to your mom is actually against the rule anyway. Maybe giving it to her in the store, but how can she police it if the worker took it home and gave it to her mom then?”-PAUL_DNAP
And folks were wondering why OP was even friends with this person:
“NTA it is NEVER okay to yell at an employee unless you are stopping the employee from doing something that could result in getting hurt or death. She took it way too far.”
“The employee seemed to give her mom the one free bag. Why it matters how it is given is beyond me.”
“If it’s really against policy, she should have said ‘I’ll let it go this time but you’re not following the right process for the free bag.'”
“I’d quit if I were the employee. Your friend will create a toxic work environment.”-Imaginary_Cow_5859
“NTA and your friend is absolutely out of line for saying you can’t criticize her when she’s obviously wrong.”
“And she was wrong for how she treated her employee. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to weaponize friendship the way she did as a way to force loyalty.”
“Friends should be able to both encourage each other when they do something right and criticize each other when they do something wrong.”-ManicShorty
“NTA. You SHOULD put your friend in check. 1.) because she’s going to wind up being reported to HR for making an employee cry and 2.) because why treat an employee like they’re less than JUST because you’re a manager…”
“Like wtf is wrong with her? Did it make her feel good to demean a person to the point of crying?”
“Also you’re not biased, any rational human can see yelling to the point where a person cries is AH behavior and toxic.”
“If she just wants ‘yes’ friends who validate bad behavior than you shouldn’t be friends a pal like that. What an ego trip.”-JschexxyOG
“NTA. Your soon-to-be-ex friend is TA. What was harmed by the employee giving her mom her own coffee? Who was damaged?”
“By railing on that probably minimum wage worker over such bullsh*t she created an environment of fear and intimidation. No one likes working in such a place.”-witchbrew7
Creating a toxic work environment is always the wrong choice, and Reddit doubled down on OP’s criticisms of her friend.
Hopefully OP can help her friend see the light, and if not, move onto a relationship with a less defensive, more receptive person.