One of the best parts of getting home at the end of the day is the ability to be yourself—to wear clothes that you feel comfortable in, and not have to worry about impressing or pleasing people with your outward appearance.
This can, however, be complicated if you share a home with a roommate.
Redditor CastorPoIIux found themself in a slightly tricky situation when their roommate asked them to dress a certain way whenever they’re both home, all because of a physical condition of theirs.
Feeling that their roommate’s request was out of line, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA (Would I Be The A**hole) if I didn’t hide my arm from my roommates?”
The OP revealed that a past surgery left them with a significant physical trait.
“I have a very large scar on my forearm from a skin graft.”
“It takes up about half my forearm from my wrist down, and almost all the way around.”
“It’s fully healed, but it’s still very prominent and obvious.”
While they found a way to avoid bringing attention to it while out in public, they expressed how they felt they didn’t need to do this in the privacy of their own home.
“Normally when I’m out and about, I wear a sleeve over it so people don’t stare at it, and to protect it from the sun.”
“When I’m at home though, I don’t like wearing the sleeve because it can get annoying and uncomfortable to wear it all the time.”
However, the OP’s roommate made no attempt to hide how he doesn’t enjoy looking at the scar.
“One of my roommates says the scar is really gross, and makes him uncomfortable to look at it/see it.”
“I can kinda understand that, because it definitely looks weird, but in my own apartment I want to be able to just kinda relax and not worry about it.”
“I don’t think it looks that gross or anything to be honest, but I know I’m biased because it’s my own body.”
“When I’m at friend’s houses, sometimes I take it off and no one seems to have issue with it.”
“So…WIBTA if I didn’t wear the sleeve while I was in my apartment, even though I know my scar makes my roommate uncomfortable?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP would not at all be the a**hole by refusing to wear their sleeve while at home.
Just about everyone was shocked by the lack of sensitivity from the OP’s roommate, and expressed how the OP should be able to dress any way they like in their own apartment.
“NTA.”
“Imagine living with a person that is missing one of their arms and telling them, ‘your lack of an arm makes me uncomfortable, can you hide it?'”
“Dude, you need new roommates.”
“I know you didn’t ask, but your scar is not gross and any person worth your time won’t give you sh*t for it.”
“Scars are cool.”- sara_c907
“NTA.”
“You’re not waving your private parts around, your wound is healed and not like… oozing pus or something.”
“That’s not a reasonable request.”
“Tell the roommate you’ll cover with a sleeve after they cover their head with a paper bag while at home.”- Screamscaper
“NTA but your roommate is.”
“You’re in your home don’t cover up.”
“Plus your scar is visible but calling it ‘really gross’ is incredibly disrespectful and not true.”
“It’s a scar, that is how they look.”
“Roommate sucks.”- Why_r_people_
“NTA.”
“Him being uncomfortable is a him problem, not a you problem.”
“You are in your home, and you are allowed to be comfortable.”
“Your roommate needs to figure out why he has such an issue with this (perhaps via therapy?) and learn to be accepting of other people.”
“He sounds immature & closed-minded & that is NOT the vibe for 2022.”- LoreleiAuD
“NTA it’s your apartment, you live there.”- Koichi
“NTA.”
“If your body makes him uncomfortable that’s not your problem.”
“He isn’t being forced to look at you and you don’t have to cover up in your own home.”
“You don’t have to cover up for anyone.”
“People that can’t handle different bodies have the emotional maturity of a toddler and you’re not obligated to sacrifice your own comfort to coddle their ignorance.”- Deritmikcuf
“NTA.”
“You should be comfortable in your own home. “
“Your roommate can kick rocks.”- Long-Arm1901
“NTA, if your roommate truly can’t get past this that’s a him issue, not you.”
“The fact that he’s making you feel gross in your own home and being so unreasonable says that he’s not a good person.”
“I mean it’s a scar FFS, not an open wound bleeding all over the place.”
“He’s being ridiculous.”- sashaopinion
“NTA.”
“Literally, your roommates comfort or lack thereof is beyond immaterial.”
“He needs to grow up.”- alimck476
“Absolutely NTA.”
“People come in all shapes, sizes and colors with lots modifications like birth marks, hemangiomas, scars, etc… “
“It looks like a pretty gnarly scar that I can understand taking a little bit to get used to.”
“But your roommate is a d*ck to ask you to expect you to cover it up in your own home.”-keepthecrazyquietÂ
“NTA and f**k anyone who wants to come after you about a scar.”- Buaidh_No_Bas_
“NTA.”
“It’s just a scar.”
“Your roommate is being ridiculous.”
“What if the scar was on your face?”
“Would he tell you to put a paper bag over your head?”
“You very clearly went through something traumatic and he shouldn’t be making you uncomfortable in your own home.”- Clover_Jane
“NTA.”
“It’s a scar.”
“It tells a story about you, something that happened.”
“It’s nothing offensive or embarrassing.”
“Your snowflake roommate needs to chill out and figure out how to deal with this issue.”
“It’s 100% a him problem, not a you problem.”- PolesRunningCoach
“NTA if they don’t want to see it they can just not look.”
“It’s your home too.”- Clint-witicay
“NTA.”
“Sounds like roommate needs to learn how to look at other things if something bothers him.”-ScroochDown
“Your roommate is gross.”
“They can play scar police on their own body and mind their own business regarding yours.”
“NTA.”- NotYourMommyDear
“Omg NTA.”
“It’s not gross at all! It’s just a scar from a medical procedure you underwent.”
“Your roommate has a weird hangup and needs to deal with it instead of projecting the issues on you.”
“You have every right to feel comfortable in your home with your body.”
“Your roommate has no right to control what you wear for his own comfort.”
“JFC.”
“The nerve.”- idgaf9212
“NTA.”
“Your scar is not gross, but your roommate’s attitude is.”- sylvanwhisper
“NTA what the f**k.”
“Absolutely ridiculous!”
“Your room mate is an absolute baby.”- dianaprince2022
“NTA at all.”
“If your roommate isn’t comfortable looking at your scar, that can always not look.”
“I can’t believe they asked tbh.”- No_Durian_3730
“NTA his comfort doesn’t trump yours in this situation.”
“It’s a scar not something offensive, if scars make him squeamish he can look away, that’s a him problem that he doesn’t get to put on you.”
“His request is ableist and unfair to you.”
“I’m sure you’d rather have not gone through pain and surgeries and having to deal with looking after a scar.”
“He’s an AH for adding negativity to something that has already probably been hard to deal with.”
“Your scar isn’t something to be ashamed of.”- LJnosywritter
While others made it clear to the OP that be it at home or in public, their scar is nothing to be ashamed of and there was no need to hide it.
“It’s a scar, it’s who you are, and it doesn’t look gross.”
“Is it eye catching?”
“Absolutely, but you have 0 reason to be ashamed of it or hide it.”
“Even in public.”
“If they don’t like the way it looks tell them not to look at it.”
“NTA.”- zoned-out28
“NTA.”
“You’re allowed to be comfortable in your own room.”
“You’re even allowed to be comfortable out in public.”
“If people don’t like it, they don’t have to look.”
“Pretty simple concept.”- rendered_lurker
“NTA.”
“Life isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect and yes, have scars.”
“If others don’t like it, they don’t have to look, but you do not need to cover anywhere at any time unless you want to.”
“BTW, it’s not just a scar.”
“It’s a battle scar, something that shows you are a survivor.”- Odd_Transition222
“NTA.”
“It’s your body, not something offensive that has to be hidden away.”
“People will probably notice it a lot at first because it is just different from their own arms, and then eventually it won’t even be noticeable anymore because they’ll be used to it.”
“I understand wanting to cover it when you’re around people because you don’t want them staring at you, but please don’t ever think that there is a requirement for you to cover it for other people’s comfort.”- AdelleDeWitt
It is a shame that the OP’s roommate seemed unwilling to show even the tiniest bit of sensitivity toward their scar.
Here’s hoping he might learn to be more sensitive, and the OP can live comfortably in their own home however they like.