Weddings are high stress event for all involved but when tight finances enter the picture things tend to be even more strained.
One Redditor turned to the “Am I The Asshole” (AITA) subreddit for judgment on her sisterly conflict.
“AITA for not wanting to spend $2000 to go to my sister’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) isothien explained the issue:
“I love my sister more than anything, but she lives out of state and I am POOR. In January she asked me to be her maid of honor. I told her then that I would not be able to afford it.”
“She said that’s okay she’ll pay for everything, including for my family because the kids would be part of the wedding. So I agreed. Now 6 months later her wedding is becoming increasingly expensive.”
“She is asking me to pay $2000 to attend (covers flights, meals, hotel, clothes etc). I sent her a letter telling her I love her and I’m sorry but I just can’t afford it (for reference, I didn’t even spend 2000 on my own wedding, and this is just to attend hers…).”
“I gave her a dollar limit I can spend, which isn’t very much, because I felt it was important to set a boundary as the costs were starting to skyrocket. She said she cannot pay for us.”
“Which is fine. I am okay with that. I am happy to watch it virtually and it looks like she will have that as an option. But she seems really mad at me for it.”
“Like, she went through a bunch of effort planning the bridal party and the colors. She really wants me by her side and is making me feel selfish for not spending 2 grand to attend.”
“I can feel this tension between us right now and I am starting to wonder if I am the a**hole.”
“We have run the costs for just me to attend, and not only is it still not affordable, but my kids who have been wanting to meet their baby cousin for over a year now will undoubtedly pester me and whine and complain for MONTHS after because they didn’t get to go, and that is a lot for me to deal with.”
“I am so frustrated and I don’t really know what to do. She keeps trying to get my mom to help with the costs, and it pisses me off she is even asking as my mom recently lost her job due to disability. Grrr”
OP added in a comment later the current wedding budget her sister is working with.
“Current budget for her wedding is $48,000”
Redditors were asked to pass judgement by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They decided this struggling sister was NTA.
“NTA she originally told you that she would cover it all and she did not follow through. She broke the original agreement and you don’t have the means to cover it. You looked into your budget and it isn’t plausible. I doubt you have a money tree in your back yard you can go pick a few thousand off of.” melodytanner26
“NTA. As for the one thing that you can mitigate – your children complaining. Give them a weekend to do nothing but complain about it.”
“They can write letters, do drawings, make up songs or rhymes, speak about it, constantly. The caveat is that there will be no entertaining any complaints for days, weeks, months, or years afterwards and if there are, you will limit a TV show privilege for a day.”
“Be strict so they know you mean business. You’ve got to teach them that if it’s not in your or their control, they’ve got to do the equivalent of ‘build a bridge and get over it.’ A lesson hard learned and still hard for me to apply, I wish I’d learned it as a child.” LurkerToPoster100
“NTA. Stick to your script – no, you do not have the money to attend. Tell your mom that you are happy to see the live feed so she won’t feel the pressure to find some way to pay for you. Your sister is being unrealistic particularly since you said the same thing since day 1. You’re living within your means and that is a very difficult thing to do when you’re being pressured by family – go you!” noccie
“NTA some people have really big weddings others don’t you understood what she was asking of you and said yes but I can’t afford it she said she would pay and then was unable. I had a small back yard wedding myself I could have had a large wedding.”
“However, I saved my money and put it all into a down payment for our house. That was 10 years ago and I’ve never regretted my decision. I hope you and your sister can reconcile your diffrences.” Amythist35
In response the poster dished on what she thought was really bothering her sister deep down. She responded:
“My wedding was also small. We put the bulk of our money into the honeymoon. Been with my husband a very very long time.”
“My sister and I are very much opposite though. She has much more expensive taste. And honestly there is nothing wrong with that.”
“But I feel like now she has to look in the mirror and tell herself that it is more important for her to have expensive food or flowers than it is for her sister to be there. And I dont think she likes that thought.”
Ouch, that is not something she probably wants to admit. Redditors continued to agree with OP.
“Of course you’re NTA. You can’t afford it and that’s not your fault. If she REALLY wanted you there, she would have made the event accessible to you by planning it to be much more affordable.” SketchyCarMax
“NTA you can’t afford it, that’s not a choice that is a fact.” Fine_Prune_743
Some people, especially when kids at involved, really can’t afford an extra cook thousand dollars. Hopefully these sisters can reach a resolution.