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Guy Balks After His Deceased Twin’s Widow Demands He Be Her Plus One To Friend’s Wedding

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When tragedy strikes someone we love, we tend to make sacrifices without thinking twice.

We give our time, we give our energy, we make food, and, let’s be honest, we might even be a bit friendlier than we otherwise would be.

But everyone has their limit.

Recently, one Redditor reached hers. She explained the circumstances in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.

The Original Poster (OP), known as HannahPeterson11 on the site, noted the last straw in the post’s title. 

“AITA for going off on my SIL after she insisted on taking my husband with her as her +1 to her friend’s wedding?”

OP began by describing the recent tragedy and how the whole family’s responded. 

“We lost my brother in law (34) (my husband’s twin brother) 2 years ago in a serious car accident.”

“He was a good person with a good heart and losing him was devastating especially on my sister in law (his wife).”

“We all offered different types of help to my sister in law and my husband has been the most supportive in the family by stepping up and helping out with transportation, child care, money, food, doctor appointments, kids matters at school etc.”

But lately, a noticeable new dynamic has taken form. 

“My sister in law has been vocal about her needs lately.”

“And I noticed she’s been asking my husband to do too many things for her that she in my opinion can do herself like fixing the doorhandle or getting food for the dog.”

“My in laws noticed how she constantly keeps calling his number yet ignore all of us and turn down any offers to help her wether the house or kids.”

Eventually, even the most loyal began to lose patience.  

“It was irritating not gonna lie.”

“I told my husband and he kept saying he wants to help out his brother’s family and finds himself guilty when he ignores her phonecalls though he’s very busy with our kids and work.”

Recently, that came to a head. 

“This biggest fight was days ago when I was at my inlaws and my sister in law talked about recieving an invite to her friend’s wedding but was required to bring a +1.”

“She flatout told me to tell my husband to be available on x day to go with her to the wedding as her +1.”

“We were all shocked I looked at her and asked if she was serious.”

“She ranted about not finding anyone close available and also not feeling comfortable asking her husband’s friends to accompany her.”

For OP, that was one step too far. 

“I said sorry but my husband was busy and next thing she did was ignore me and pull her phone out to call him.”

“I stopped her and told her very firmly and loudly that she needed to knock it off because my husband isn’t hers and she needed to just stop acting like it.”

“She looked at me shocked and said a lot of stuff I can’t remember but accused me of not wanting her husband’s brother who’s her kids uncle to help her out and…”

“…also accused me of discouraging him from spending time with the family and his nephews.”

“She went on calling me petty for feeling jealous and resentment towards a struggling widow and said she needed to go to the wedding to have fun after 2 years of being depressed and unable to go out.”

“I argued with her then left.”

Then came the fallout. 

“My mother in law called saying she understood my frustration and agreed sister in law had no right but I also had no right to say what I said and basically rubbing the fact unlike her I still have my husband with me in her face.”

“She wanted me to apologize but I refused and explained how my sister in law was behaving all those months…”

“…but everyone keeps saying I should be graceful and sympathatic as my sister in law is trying to adapt to her new normal. My husband said I should talk to her from one woman to another.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Most Redditors assured OP she had not been an a**hole. 

Rather, they advised she exercise even greater concern. 

“NTA your husband can be sympathetic to his brother’s family but NOT at the expense of his own family.”

“and honestly, he might be doing more harm than good by doing EVERYTHING for her —getting dog food?!? no doubt, life is hard for her. but it’s been two years and at some point she’ll need to figure out how to live for herself and her children.” — lojo20

“NTA. I’m going to guess that your husband and his brother look alike, and so she is creating an attachment to him based on her loss. That really sucks. But you are totally within your rights to put your foot down to her demands.”

“Plus, why is she required to have a guest at the wedding?! Is that a thing?” — Little-0-Flower

“Am I the only one seeing red flags here? I may just be reading into this too much but it feels like SIL is actively trying to steal herself a new husband.”

“This feels icky all over and seems like everyone is using the grief as the excuse. OP’s reaction may have some merit if her intuition is telling her something’s up.” — BooBeans71

“NTA. She wants your husband to be hers. Honestly if it weren’t for the kids I’d say cut off all contact. It’s been two years, if she’s still struggling, that’s her own problem.” — Impressive-Water-709

“Holy crap. That’s rough.”

“NTA- it definitely looks like she thinks of your husband as a replacement for her own late husband.”

“The fact that they were twins is such an added layer, I don’t even know what I would do in any of your positions, except perhaps you should talk to your husband and ask him to set boundaries with her so that lines don’t get blurred.”

“Good luck to you all.” — teeny_gecko

So while the behavior and expectations of OP’s sister-in-law may be beyond OP’s control, she can at least rest assured her head is entirely in the right place.

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.