Most of us enjoy being goofy from time to time, but like any other good thing, there are limits.
One couple realized they don't agree about where to draw that line recently on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor No_Depth7474 found herself having to put a stop to her husband's behavior after it became too much for her to be around.
But when she saw his reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was overreacting.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for being at my breaking point with my husband's made up language?"
The OP was getting frustrated with her husband.
"My OH (Other Half) has always been a bit goofy, giving his own names to things and doing impressions."
"About 18 months ago, this started to increase a lot. It's now a constant presence in our lives and I'm finding it difficult to live with."
The OP's husband developed a broad vocabulary.
"Examples: He has his own name for most retail outlets, professionals, organizations…"
"There's Eatyourgreens (Walgreens), and Sharts & Gobbles (Barnes & Noble)."
"He has about 30-40 everyday words that he insists on using in place of normal ones…"
"1. Skuppers (with a rising whistle at the end) means 'yes'."
"2. Bing (with a descending whistle) means 'no'."
"3. Bagayaya means 'goodnight'."
He made a variety of noises, too.
"He CONSTANTLY does weird sound impersonations, not like celebrities or characters, but a single noise that's a made-up sound or something childish like a fart from a children's tv show."
"He speaks random words like 'garbage' or 'douche bag' whilst burping or farting."
"He has made up names for our friends which he uses sometimes even under his breath when we're out with them, like Pam and Will is 'pig and wig'."
The OP was fed up and tried to stop it.
"I've just had enough."
"We got into bed the other night and I said 'goodnight' and he said 'bagayaya' in the high-pitched voice he always does it in."
"I snapped and asked why he couldn't just speak to me normally and he just laughed and came right up close to my face and did it again."
"His whistling is constant."
"He speaks to our kid in this stupid language and I'm worried it's going to confuse normal language development because he changes the words so often."
"Our toddler could be about to hurt themselves and instead of saying 'no' or 'come here', he'll say some ridiculous made-up word or sound and then get annoyed when our kid doesn't know what he wants."
The OP wanted normalcy at home.
"He's 'normal' in other respects, works in finance, and is totally professional around his colleagues but different at home."
"I told him it needs to stop. I don't mind it occasionally or for fun but it's all the time and it's wearing me down."
"He got upset and said I couldn't take a joke and that I'm not fun anymore."
"It's true that I've become more irritable and noise-averse since we had kids, but I'm so worn out and over it and just want him to relate to me like an adult."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were irked just from reading the OP's story.
"My husband changes some words around like 'country-fried snake,' but it's just silly jokes that we share from our younger days."
"I couldn't even finish reading this post, it made my skin crawl. This is my first time saying this on Reddit but DIVORCE HIM IF HE DOESN'T STOP!" - WalkToTowerGreen
"I was getting irritated just reading the post. I can't imagine actually living with someone who behaves like this." - Beecakeband
"I'm repulsed by him just reading this. OP needs to have a come to Jesus talk with this guy. He's going to kill their relationship if he doesn't stop."
"More importantly, he's demonstrating a complete lack of care or regard for his partner's feelings as she's asked him to stop and he won't. If he still won't stop after clear communication, he doesn't respect boundaries and that's a deal-breaker IMO (in my opinion)." - buttercupcake23
Others agreed the husband's behavior was problematic.
"I was with a guy who, after having conversations on the phone with a family member's toddler where he would give a funny-sounding, lilting, dramatic 'bye' at the end of the convo, started doing it to ME."
"I cannot tell you how frustrating and annoying that single word was. Like... my dude, I'm not a toddler. Can't imagine how annoying a whole vocabulary of this would be. Plus him confusing his own kid." - Mystic_Corgi
"I know, right?!?! I mean, I have a good sense of humor, but made-up, nonsensical words, and high-pitched voices, and lots of whistling isn't my kind of 'funny', much closer to my kind of mild torture. I would have lost my shit on my spouse by now!" - Lovehatepassionpain
"Most of all, nobody wants their toddler picking up on something like that! That is actually a pretty big problem and kids pick up words so d**n fast even if you think they are out of earshot."
"My 18-month-old kept repeating one swearword I used in the heat of the moment after dropping something on my toe. She only heard it once."
"And yeah, a partner behaving like a child is just such a turn-off I probably couldn't... I just... couldn't." - Laurelinn
Some said they enjoyed silliness but within reason.
"I don't think it's abnormal for couples or even siblings/family to do silly things like this, but only if both sides do it and enjoy it. I think these things just kind of spring up organically, and it becomes kind of an inside 'joke' of sorts, and both parties are aware it'd be super weird to do it in front of other people."
"If only one person does it and the other doesn't, or is annoyed by it, that's a huge no-no." - nightforday
"My son-in-law, a truck driver, and my daughter call Tractor Supply, Tractor Trailer. I think it is normal to a degree to twist names around like that in fun. But I could see the worry of OP that the developing child will be confused as to what is normal talk and what is fun talk." - kestral10
"My dad is like this and I am too to a lesser extent. The difference is that my mom and my partner enjoy it, and join in. It's just a way of expressing closeness to someone when I feel comfortable enough to be my silliest weirdo self."
"Talking in goofy cartoon voices and using made-up words (that are almost always the result of a shared experience with my partner, like adopting a version of a word that one of us accidentally sent in a text with a typo, or said wrong in a conversation) is one of the ways I show affection."
"But I would NEVER do it in front of someone who found it annoying. That would be absolutely mortifying. I've been with my partner for almost 10 years and I still pretty frequently ask if it bothers him when I talk that way, just in case. If he ever said yes even once, I'd probably stop entirely and permanently."
"OP's partner reminds me of that guy who had a bet with his friends to only ever talk in a baby voice for some length of time. It ended up destroying their relationship. It sounds like OP's partner is behaving this way specifically to be annoying, and is enjoying her frustration, which is a big red flag."
"There's nothing wrong with being a silly weirdo. There IS something wrong with purposely irritating someone you love because you take pleasure in their discomfort and negative reactions." - Kathrynlena
Though the husband didn't agree with her, the subReddit understood why the OP was frustrated. It's normal for a parent to be more noise-averse once they have children, but it's also more important than ever to be able to communicate with other adults, especially a domestic partner.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.