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Woman Snaps After Husband Refuses To Stop Using A Made Up Language At Home

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Most of us enjoy being goofy from time to time, but like any other good thing, there are limits.

One couple realized they don’t agree about where to draw that line recently on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor No_Depth7474 found herself having to put a stop to her husband’s behavior after it became too much for her to be around.

But when she saw his reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was overreacting.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for being at my breaking point with my husband’s made up language?”

The OP was getting frustrated with her husband.

“My OH (Other Half) has always been a bit goofy, giving his own names to things and doing impressions.”

“About 18 months ago, this started to increase a lot. It’s now a constant presence in our lives and I’m finding it difficult to live with.”

The OP’s husband developed a broad vocabulary.

“Examples: He has his own name for most retail outlets, professionals, organizations…”

“There’s Eatyourgreens (Walgreens), and Sharts & Gobbles (Barnes & Noble).”

“He has about 30-40 everyday words that he insists on using in place of normal ones…”

“1. Skuppers (with a rising whistle at the end) means ‘yes’.”

“2. Bing (with a descending whistle) means ‘no’.”

“3. Bagayaya means ‘goodnight’.”

He made a variety of noises, too.

“He CONSTANTLY does weird sound impersonations, not like celebrities or characters, but a single noise that’s a made-up sound or something childish like a fart from a children’s tv show.”

“He speaks random words like ‘garbage’ or ‘douche bag’ whilst burping or farting.”

“He has made up names for our friends which he uses sometimes even under his breath when we’re out with them, like Pam and Will is ‘pig and wig’.”

The OP was fed up and tried to stop it.

“I’ve just had enough.”

“We got into bed the other night and I said ‘goodnight’ and he said ‘bagayaya’ in the high-pitched voice he always does it in.”

“I snapped and asked why he couldn’t just speak to me normally and he just laughed and came right up close to my face and did it again.”

“His whistling is constant.”

“He speaks to our kid in this stupid language and I’m worried it’s going to confuse normal language development because he changes the words so often.”

“Our toddler could be about to hurt themselves and instead of saying ‘no’ or ‘come here’, he’ll say some ridiculous made-up word or sound and then get annoyed when our kid doesn’t know what he wants.”

The OP wanted normalcy at home.

“He’s ‘normal’ in other respects, works in finance, and is totally professional around his colleagues but different at home.”

“I told him it needs to stop. I don’t mind it occasionally or for fun but it’s all the time and it’s wearing me down.”

“He got upset and said I couldn’t take a joke and that I’m not fun anymore.”

“It’s true that I’ve become more irritable and noise-averse since we had kids, but I’m so worn out and over it and just want him to relate to me like an adult.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were irked just from reading the OP’s story.

“My husband changes some words around like ‘country-fried snake,’ but it’s just silly jokes that we share from our younger days.”

“I couldn’t even finish reading this post, it made my skin crawl. This is my first time saying this on Reddit but DIVORCE HIM IF HE DOESN’T STOP!”WalkToTowerGreen

“I was getting irritated just reading the post. I can’t imagine actually living with someone who behaves like this.”Beecakeband

“I’m repulsed by him just reading this. OP needs to have a come to Jesus talk with this guy. He’s going to kill their relationship if he doesn’t stop.”

“More importantly, he’s demonstrating a complete lack of care or regard for his partner’s feelings as she’s asked him to stop and he won’t. If he still won’t stop after clear communication, he doesn’t respect boundaries and that’s a deal-breaker IMO (in my opinion).”buttercupcake23

Others agreed the husband’s behavior was problematic.

“I was with a guy who, after having conversations on the phone with a family member’s toddler where he would give a funny-sounding, lilting, dramatic ‘bye’ at the end of the convo, started doing it to ME.”

“I cannot tell you how frustrating and annoying that single word was. Like… my dude, I’m not a toddler. Can’t imagine how annoying a whole vocabulary of this would be. Plus him confusing his own kid.”Mystic_Corgi

“I know, right?!?! I mean, I have a good sense of humor, but made-up, nonsensical words, and high-pitched voices, and lots of whistling isn’t my kind of ‘funny’, much closer to my kind of mild torture. I would have lost my shit on my spouse by now!”Lovehatepassionpain

“Most of all, nobody wants their toddler picking up on something like that! That is actually a pretty big problem and kids pick up words so d**n fast even if you think they are out of earshot.”

“My 18-month-old kept repeating one swearword I used in the heat of the moment after dropping something on my toe. She only heard it once.”

“And yeah, a partner behaving like a child is just such a turn-off I probably couldn’t… I just… couldn’t.”Laurelinn

Some said they enjoyed silliness but within reason.

“I don’t think it’s abnormal for couples or even siblings/family to do silly things like this, but only if both sides do it and enjoy it. I think these things just kind of spring up organically, and it becomes kind of an inside ‘joke’ of sorts, and both parties are aware it’d be super weird to do it in front of other people.”

“If only one person does it and the other doesn’t, or is annoyed by it, that’s a huge no-no.”nightforday

“My son-in-law, a truck driver, and my daughter call Tractor Supply, Tractor Trailer. I think it is normal to a degree to twist names around like that in fun. But I could see the worry of OP that the developing child will be confused as to what is normal talk and what is fun talk.”kestral10

“My dad is like this and I am too to a lesser extent. The difference is that my mom and my partner enjoy it, and join in. It’s just a way of expressing closeness to someone when I feel comfortable enough to be my silliest weirdo self.”

“Talking in goofy cartoon voices and using made-up words (that are almost always the result of a shared experience with my partner, like adopting a version of a word that one of us accidentally sent in a text with a typo, or said wrong in a conversation) is one of the ways I show affection.”

“But I would NEVER do it in front of someone who found it annoying. That would be absolutely mortifying. I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years and I still pretty frequently ask if it bothers him when I talk that way, just in case. If he ever said yes even once, I’d probably stop entirely and permanently.”

“OP’s partner reminds me of that guy who had a bet with his friends to only ever talk in a baby voice for some length of time. It ended up destroying their relationship. It sounds like OP’s partner is behaving this way specifically to be annoying, and is enjoying her frustration, which is a big red flag.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a silly weirdo. There IS something wrong with purposely irritating someone you love because you take pleasure in their discomfort and negative reactions.”Kathrynlena

Though the husband didn’t agree with her, the subReddit understood why the OP was frustrated. It’s normal for a parent to be more noise-averse once they have children, but it’s also more important than ever to be able to communicate with other adults, especially a domestic partner.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.