There are very few brides who don’t have every single inch of their wedding mapped out to a tee.
What the venue should look like, what food should be served, the color of their bridesmaids dressing.
And more often than not, those helping out with the wedding will do their best to make sure that any bride’s wedding is everything and more than she ever imagined it would be.
But how much control should a bride have over other people?
Redditor Old_Sheepherder9877 had a very specific idea of how her bridesmaid’s should look at her wedding.
This vision meant that the original poster (OP)’s sister would have to make significant changes to her physical appearance, which she was not at all eager to do.
Wondering if she really was in the wrong for making this request, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for having rules for my bridesmaids to follow for the wedding?”
The OP first shared how she and her sister have never had the same aesthetic when it came to their physical appearances, something which always bothered the OP.
“I’m getting married in early September and I’ve picked my bridal party.”
“One of my bridesmaids is my sister.”
“My sister has a completely different style than me.”
“I am following this clean girl but also glam girl kind of style but my sister is that type of egirl/alt style.”
“She has light pink hair, a nose ring, multiple earrings and she’s also got sleeve tattoos on both of her arms and also her neck and chest.”
“My sister’s appearance was something that always troubled me regarding her being a bridesmaid.”
The OP then disclosed how she had a very specific vision when it came to her bridesmaids, something which her sister’s piercings, tattoos and hair color did not jell with.
“I’ve set rules that apply to all bridesmaids but some are specifically about my sister.”
“First of all I set a specific budget I expect them to spend for the bachelorette party.”
“I gave them the choice to hire their own makeup artists and hairstylists but I requested a specific kind of hairstyle and makeup.”
“They’d also pay for their own dresses.”
“All of that is very common and nobody complained.”
“Where I heard complaints though was when I presented some rules specifically for my sister.”
“I told her she’d have to buy body makeup and cover up the tattoos.”
“I also told her to remove her nose ring and most of her earrings and only keep the normal earrings.”
“And I told her to dye her hair a natural color at least for the wedding festivities such as the bachelorette and the actual wedding.”
“The bridesmaids dress really classes with my sister’s image and she’s going to look really out of place with all the tattoos, piercings and hair with that dress.”
“She told me she won’t do any of it and I tried to beg her to do it for me, her sister and how happy it would make me.”
“She told me that my happiness shouldn’t depend on making her change her style and be someone else to fit my aesthetic wedding.”
“I told her people make sacrifices for weddings and how many people might be uncomfortable or sad they have to follow certain rules but they still do it out of love and respect for the couple getting married.”
“She said no and that if I’m not ok with this she’ll drop out.”
“I got very pissed she started holding it against me and I don’t want her to drop out but I wished for her to make this one time thing for me work.”
“My mom and dad surprisingly sided with her and they don’t usually do that.”
“My fiancé is on my side and believes my sister is an entitled brat.”
“But my parents siding with her really made me question whether I’m TA.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed with the OP’s parents, and felt that she was indeed the a**hole for demanding her sister change her appearance for her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s demands were far out of line, with many finding her aversion to her sister’s tattoo’s, piercings and pink hair elitist.
“Why ask her to be a bridesmaid if you’re going to insist she change so many things about herself?”
“Why should she have to make a sacrifice for your wedding?”
“Get over yourself.”- lihzee
“YTA for the bachelorette budget alone.”
“What is that about?”
“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“You knew what your sisters style was like before you asked her to be a bridesmaid.”
“Why ask in the first place if you care so much about her appearance?”
“You can’t force her to change herself, nor should you.”
“Also, just an FYI, no amount of body makeup is going to successfully cover up her tattoos.”
“In fact, I think trying would look worse than the tattoos themselves.”-PRMinx
“The rules my bridesmaids had for the wedding:
“My requests for my bachelorette party:
“To have it at a specific bridesmaid’s house, so that her dog was there as well.”
“I also had a bridesmaid’s husband primed to send their toddler running up the aisle as a distraction if I tripped over!”-Sleepy_felines
“Dying hair is not a reasonable request at all.”
“The fact you call your style ‘clean girl’ honestly shows how much you detest your sisters style.”
“What good is a wedding, the joining of two families, if you burn bridges to meet your ‘vision’?”
“It’s one day.”
“Why did you even ask her in the first place if you were just going to harass her about her appearance anyway.”- Suspicious_Can2468.
“If she didn’t fit your aesthetic, I cringed typing that, then you shouldn’t have asked her to be your bridesmaid.”
“It’s such a small minded and judgmental mentality.”
“You’ve told someone that you supposedly love ‘I think you look like trash and don’t want you to ruin my photos’.”
“In what world would you not be an AH.”
“These are the types of posts that get shared all over Instagram and YouTube mocking bridezillas who lack any capacity to treat people as people, and think that getting married entitles them to treat their friends and family like performing monkeys.”
“You need a reality check and you owe your sister an apology.”- CrystalQueen3000
“You sound really shallow so YTA.”- brainfreeze4445
“Do you know how many?”
“No one should be uncomfortable or sad because of your wedding day and if you insist that they should be, you are an entitled brat, not your sister.”- awyllt
“Specific amount you EXPECT them to pay for your bachelorette?”
“‘Please be in my wedding but change everything about yourself’.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”- z-eldapin
“People shouldn’t have to modify their appearance to the extent of professional body makeup and dying their hair for your wedding.”
“If you hate the way she looks and value your aesthetic more than her don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid.”
“You’re asking someone someone be a part of your wedding you pay for the makeup artist and dress you’re demanding they wear.”-xLostandAfraidx
“Well, it sounds like the two of you are a good match!”
“Too bad YTA.”
“Tattoos aren’t taboo.”
“Neither is colored hair.”
“Either accept your sister as she is or accept that she won’t be in your wedding party.”
“I’d strongly suggest the former.”-aabbccbb
“I’m very big on the concept of ‘your wedding, your day, your way’.”
“But you’re asking her to literally change everything about herself.”
“If you were so opposed to her image, why ask her to be a bridesmaid at all?”
“No matter how shallow I think it sounds, you are technically allowed to ask whatever you want to for your wedding party, but they are also allowed to choose not be be involved if they feel you are asking too much.”
“YTA, for the fact that you’re guilting her over it all.”
“She’s allowed to be herself and opt out of being in the wedding party to remain herself.”-RoxasofsorrowXIII
“It sounds like you don’t really want your sister in your wedding.”
“You want the person you wish your sister was, but isn’t, in your wedding, and you’re asking her to spend a ton of money and time undoing a look and style she’s spent a LOT of time and money creating for one day.”
“She’s said no, and volunteered to drop out.”
“Accept that she does not have to paint her body in makeup and dye her hair for you if she doesn’t want to, and that your choices are either to respect her decision to drop out or respect her decision to present herself as she actually is.”
“The third option, harassing, begging, pleading, crying, and whining, is not valid.’
“You’ve been given an answer; it is honest and fair, and you are not entitled to a different one.”
“YTA for trying to harass her into making a decision she isn’t comfortable with.”- Eastern_Fox5735
It seems like the OP needs to really evaluate which would matter more to her.
Having her sister there, pink hair, tattoos and all, or not having her sister there at all.