When a family member is struggling, it is a generous thing to help them out in whatever way we can.
Though one shouldn’t always feel obligated to provide help, as not everyone can provide all the help they need, owing to their own situations.
But that sometimes isn’t good enough in the eyes of others, who will openly express their dissatisfaction in the lack of commitment they show towards their family.
Even when these same individuals aren’t doing anything themselves.
Redditor Relative_Potential92 made the decision to take in her older brother, who had fallen on hard times, under certain conditions.
But when he didn’t meet these conditions, the original poster (OP) told him he would need to find somewhere else to stay.
A decision that the OP’s aunt wasted no time in telling her was cruel and insensitive, resulting in the OP coming up with what she considered the perfect solution.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for dropping my freeloading brother off at our aunt’s house after she called and scolded me for evicting him?”
The OP explained how after taking their brother in, they felt the situation had become untenable, but realized there was a perfect solution to this problem.
“My older brother (OB) is a bit of a bum.”
“It’s mean to say but it’s true.”
“He can never hang onto a job for longer than a couple of years max and when he inevitably loses whatever job he had he starts mooching off family and friends until he can find another job months later.”
“This entails him freeloading at their place, eating their food, using their stuff, etc.”
“He’s lost friends because of how long he bummed off of them and I don’t blame them for cutting him off.”
“Well this last time he lost his job he went to our parents but they didn’t have room because they were letting our eldest brother’s (EB) family stay with them after he and sister-in-law (SIL) lost their jobs out of nowhere within the same month, EB’s entire crew was laid off with zero warning and SIL’s work burned down, and they couldn’t afford the home they were renting anymore.”
‘So OB was pretty much SOL.”
“So our parents, aunt, and uncle all started calling me asking if I’d take him in just long enough so he could get on his feet again.”
“I, stupidly, let myself feel bad for him and said okay, but he only had a few months to get another job or he was out on the street.”
“They all said of course, of course and so he came to stay with me.”
“And it was a nightmare.”
“He’s a slob.”
“He NEVER washes dishes, never washes his clothes, and eats pretty much whatever he wants.”
“I guess since I’m his little sister he figured he could ignore me saying to get his sh*t together.”
“Well after 6 months I told him he had to go.”
“And gave him a couple of weeks to find somewhere else.”
“Well it seems he called our parents and cried about me kicking him out and they told him he knew he couldn’t stay forever but they also, of course, called my aunts/uncle and told them all about it.”
“And my busybody aunt called me and scolded me for ‘being cruel to my brother’ and ‘abandoning family when they need help’.”
“I let her talk and finally said she was right, helping family was important and I’m glad she showed me that.”
“She seemed glad I ‘understood the right thing to do’ before hanging up.”
“So I followed her advice and packed my bro up and drove him to her house.”
“I couldn’t take care of him anymore, he was running all my bills up, but my aunt made a good point, family should help each other.”
“So I dropped him off there, she has room since all her kids moved out, and then left.”
“But I wasn’t even halfway home before I was getting multiple calls from my parents and aunt.”
“Parents were demanding to know why our aunt was blowing up their phones and aunt was leaving voicemails shouting at me to come back and get my brother.”
“I explained to my parents and they said it was a good idea since aunt sounded like she wanted to help but my aunt called me an asshole and said she didn’t want my brother there.”
“And when I told her family helps each other she called me a c*nt.”
‘Last I checked he’s still living with her.”
“My brother doesn’t work menial jobs, he’s not just hopping from one minimum wage job to another.”
“He’s working Very Good paying jobs.”
“Like electronic repair, automotive maintenance, etc.”
“He’s very skilled but lazy.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving her brother with her aunt.
Everyone applauded the OP for leaving her brother with her aunt, feeling she was absolutely right to remind her aunt of her own words about helping family, and if she couldn’t help him herself, she shouldn’t have scolded the OP.
“NTA.”
“I like your style.”
“It’s easy to criticize without having to offer help.”
“Auntie is in for a rude awakening.”- Hot_Aside_4637
“NTA.”
“People love to point out problems, but offer no solutions.”
“You did an awesome job of making sure that your aunt was part of the solution.”- jaysea444
“NTA.”
“YESSSS SOMEONE ON THIS SUB FINALLY TOOK ACTION AND DROPPED THE MOOCH OFF TO THE FAMILY MEMBER WHO LOVES TO SCOLD BUT NOT HELP!”
“You are absolutely iconic and I wish I could give you all the awards, and your parents agreed that the nosey aunt, who should have minded her damn business, should help?”
“Double iconic.”
“This is the best thing I’ve read today.”
“What a queen.”
“Yes you are, ma’am.”- Fun-Tourist-7395
“NTA.”
“Congratulations, you did exactly what Reddit always advises people in your situation!”
“‘If they think helping family is so important, they can take care of (freeloading relative)’.”
“Good job for being kind enough to give him a chance and for being strong enough to boot him out when you were fed up.”- QueenOfStolenHearts
“NTA.”
“It was none of your aunt’s business, she wanted to meddle.”
“And you proved a point.”
“She could have easily just denied him a room too.”
“You are also an adult and she doesn’t need to be telling on you to your parents.”- citizensfund82
“NTA.”
“That is a truly legendary move.”
“Well done.”- W4rd3n21
“NTA.”
“I’m cracking up at your aunt thinking she got you to do what she wanted but her words backfired on her.- Moorehadley
“NTA.”
“Nice move.”
“Very clever.”
“Next time he ends up at your place bring him directly to the YMCA.”- Loreo1964
“I’m sorry you have that kind of sibling to deal with, and it was obviously horrible having him stay with you.”
“But, your action had me laughing my head off.”
“Actually, I smiled a little while staring at my phone, but inside my head I was laughing.”
“Well done!”
“A clear case of NTA as there ever has been.”- clambard
“NTA.”
“Please keep a tab on how long he lasts there and update us!”- Rtrnr
“This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.”
“NTA.”
“Being family doesn’t mean you have to let people take advantage of you and sounds like your aunt got exactly what she deserved.”- runiechica
“NTA.”
“Your brother has no respect for any family or friends.”
“When someone lets you live with them rent-free you better become their butler to show your appreciation.”
“I’d be willing to bet he loses those jobs on purpose because he knows someone will take him in.”
“Your aunt should learn to mind her own business or be willing to help.”
“I love your love.”- DCxMiLK
“NTA.”
“I hope this is real.”
“And I hope this inspires a movement.”
“Because wow.”
“Chef’s kiss.”- Athena2560
“NTA, and well played.”- GeoffreyTaucer
“NTA.”
“You are my hero.”
“This is literally the advice I want to give on Reddit to everyone.”
“If someone is complaining about what you are doing, let them do it.”
“I love it!”- Material_Cellist4133
It was extremely generous of the OP to let her brother stay with her until he got back on his feet.
However, as he showed no signs of even trying to get back on his feet, kicking him out was likely the only way to give him the wake-up call he needed.
Something the OP’s aunt might soon realize.
Although, based on her reticence to let the OP’s brother into her house in the first place, one can’t help but wonder if she knew this already and didn’t want to admit it.