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Woman Berated For Putting A Lock On Her Door After Her Adult Brother Messes With Her Stuff

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Because of the pandemic, many of us ended up living with our families. Something we hadn’t done in years.

This takes some getting used to. We are all used to doing things our way, but we must learn to respect others’ space and belongings.

Redditor rotten-cherry9 encountered this very issue with her brother. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

She asked:

“AITA for putting a lock in my bedroom without warning?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So, I (22F[emale]) went back to my mom’s home at the start of the pandemic. We spent lockdown together and now we work and have our lives, so we don’t see each other much and how things are now I’m in no hurry to move out, that way I can save some money.”

“We’re both cool with it, and everything’s good.”

“Turns out my Brother (24M[ale]) came back home too after the pandemic due to some problems. At first everything was cool but my brother started stepping in some boundaries.”

“Me and my brother haven’t always particularly gotten along and both had to leave home at some point, but I thought with our lives now more ‘separated’ it should be cool.”

OP’s brother is being disrespectful.

“As you can imagine, both me and my mother are quite careful about covid, more so with my grandma living in the building, we see her often. He isn’t, he won’t care, won’t take the vaccine and keeps bringing his gf or friends over to smoke.”

“Not counting eating everything he sees, leaving the toilet seat up, and apparently trashing the bathroom every time he takes a shower. We’ve told him but it’s no use.”

“Here’s the thing tho, I’m a writer, or trying to, at least.”

“In my room, I have always sticky notes all over the walls for scripts I am working on or want to work on, also I have my computer set up and ready to get into it immediately.”

“Well, turns out he couldn’t mess only common areas, but he thought it would be funny to change up my sticky notes and get into my computer to write random words in some of my scripts without me noticing.”

“But this time I had my first paid job as a writer, the sticky notes and scripts I had open in my computer were all for that. Took me hours to rearrange the sticky notes and a very embarrassing mail exchange with my boss about one script I sent him with random stuff written all over.”

That was over the line.

“I used to let him use my computer bc he does graphic design (unprofessionally) but I was so pissed I put a lock in my room and a password on my computer straight up, without warning him or asking about it.”

“He found out and was furious, saying I treat him like a thief and that I always alienate my mother towards him. That’s not true, in fact my mother always defends him more, I just make more sense usually.”

“Well this time my mother sided with him, his gf also gives me a bad look when she sees me and he even told our father, with whom I haven’t spoken in years, and he called me to berate me about how I was behaving towards him.”

“Now, I get it was a joke and in any other script I wouldn’t have cared so much, might’ve had found it funny even, but being my first professional experience I just got so mad.”

“Ik I’m in my right to be pissed, but AITA for taking it this far without talking about it first?”

Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.


“He doesn’t have a right to your stuff. If you can’t trust him, why would he have access to it all?”

“If anyone sides with him, tell them to let him have access to their stuff so he can mess it up, but he’s done with yours. You have a right to privacy and you have a right to have your stuff safe, period.” ~ SandrineSmiles

The OP responded:

“Yeah, I know, but it made me feel awful that he thinks I see him as a thief or something. Like maybe I should’ve just told him to just not mess with that (he still thinks writing is a hobby, and didn’t really know/care if it was paid or not).”

“Our relationship has always been rocky so i just try to evade confrontation. Like, I don’t care whatever else he does or jokes with, just not this.”

OP’s brother kept bringing up the word “thief.”

“He kind of is a thief, though. He stole stole some of your presumably good reputation/ your boss’s view of you, hopefully not future employment opportunities, definitely the time it took you to fix his stupidity and likely some of your feeling of safety in your own room.”

“Also, are you sure he is an adult? He sounds about 7 y/o (I would have said even younger but some of that requires being able to read). NTA.”

“Edit: Even if it was a hobby, it isn’t ok to mess with someone’s stuff like that.” ~ AlmostChristmasNow

“He’s seriously projecting there. He’s the thief – stealing your stuff, even if he doesn’t take it away but rearranges it and messes with your documents (please put a password on your computer yesterday!), that’s essentially stealing your train of thought.”

“He has no respect for you and, at the whopping old age of 24, thinks that dumb pranks are funny. He needs a reality check.” ~ WellyKiwi

“It wasn’t a joke. He intentionally threatened your job!!! He’s not stupid.”

“He’s always treated you like garbage and you know that telling him that can’t touch your stuff would make him stop.”

“He is mad because you won’t let him mess up your life–literally and figuratively.”

“Don’t back down.”

“He doesn’t get a vote on whether you lock your door.”

“NTA” ~ Fredredphooey

“He’s a child so you treated him like one. You don’t have to try and justify what you did.”

“Had you told him first wouldn’t have mattered, he would have dismissed whatever you said and then did it more just to spite you.”

“He has no respect for anyone it sounds like and if I were you I’d make plans to move ASAP….” ~ Adviceisonthehouse

You can’t mess with people’s things like that.