Allergies are not a joke.
So they should never be used to manipulate someone.
Why would a person make up an allergy just to change the setting for dinner?
It seems far-fetched, but it happens.
Case in point…
Redditor Weekly_Activity6738 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving after I found out my SIL was lying about her food allergy?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I, (F[emale] 18), turned 18 in early August.”
“For my 18th birthday, I wanted to go out and celebrate with my family by going to my favorite Chinese restaurant.”
“I’m quite a picky eater.”
“I’m autistic and have issues with textures, but any type of Asian food is safe food for me.”
“When it comes to more Western cuisine, I don’t have a lot of options unless I make it at home.”
“Everything was organized and ready to go, but a week prior to my birthday, my brother’s fiancée Vicky (F 27) said that she can’t go.”
“She said she has a seafood allergy, and after contacting the restaurant, they said they can’t realistically cater to her and politely advised that she doesn’t eat there.”
“Vicky and my brother suggested that we go to this Italian restaurant instead.”
“Everyone was on board but… I hate Italian food.”
“The textures of cheese, pasta, and just all of it is just gross to me.”
“I got upset because it was supposed to be a dinner for my birthday, and it was like I got forgotten about.”
“I talked to my parents and they told me to stop complaining, Vicky can’t help having an allergy.”
“I sucked it up and went.”
“I spent my birthday miserable, and ended up just sneaking in my own snacks into the restaurant.”
“Well, last weekend I spontaneously went over to my brother’s house with no warning because I had forgotten my hoodie there from a few days prior.”
“My brother let me inside and I saw Vicky sat on the couch scoffing tuna like it’s nobody’s business.”
“‘Me: I thought you were allergic to seafood?'”
“‘Vicky: What are you talking about?'”
“‘Me: My 18th birthday last month.'”
“‘You said we couldn’t go to the Chinese restaurant because you’re allergic to seafood.'”
“‘Vicky: Well I’m not medically allergic, I just can’t stand the smell of all those shrimps and prawns.'”
“‘It makes me feel nauseous.'”
“‘Me: So you ruined my 18th birthday because you don’t like how seafood smells. Wow.'”
“I stormed out and blocked Vicky and my brother on everything. I couldn’t believe this.”
“I talked to my parents.”
“They think I’m being dramatic, and that it’s just a restaurant, and told me to apologize to Vicky for speaking to her like that in her home.”
“I was so angry, I went to go stay with my BF’s family for a few days who very kindly let me stay.”
“My family thinks I went super overboard, and are calling me a brat and entitled.”
“I don’t know how to feel.”
“Was I the AH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I would usually agree with your parents and say that we should do what we can to make people with food allergies feel welcome.”
“That means switching restaurants if someone can’t eat at a particular restaurant.”
“But this situation is different.”
“First of all, as you said, it was your birthday.”
“The right thing to do was for Vicky not to attend or to arrange with the restaurant to be allowed to bring her own food.”
“She’s not your blood relative so she didn’t have to be there.”
“It’s not OK that your parents let your brother and his girlfriend pick a restaurant you didn’t like.”
“You should ask them to take you out again to a restaurant of your choosing.”
“Yes, you are angry about this and I don’t blame you.”
“No one listened to you.”
“Your parents let Vicky ruin your birthday.”
“Now people are still dismissing and minimizing what you’re saying.”
“That would annoy anyone.” ~ Antstst
“Not to mention OP is autistic and has sensory issues, so they basically un-accommodated OP on her own birthday in order to make room for Vicky’s fake seafood allergy.”
“Sure, Vicky’s distaste for the smell of certain seafood might be intense but the solution should have been for her to politely bow out.” ~ girzim232
“OP – NTA I hate the smell and I am allergic to shellfish.”
“I can be around it without reacting though.”
“I feel like she lied about contacting the restaurant too.”
“She just didn’t want to go there.”
“It was rude and a crappy thing to do.”
“Just a shi**y person in general, in my opinion.” ~ scholly73
“You’re very likely right she was lying about contacting the restaurant.”
“A person without a food allergy isn’t going to contact a restaurant to inquire if the food allergy is present.”
“I also despise most seafood (unless grilled fish) including shellfish and shrimp-type foods.”
“The smell can also get me to the point of gagging.”
“I’ve been this way since childhood and confirmed it multiple times as an adult (34 years old).”
“But never in my life has it been a problem to the point where I can’t eat at a restaurant that has those things.”
“So long as there’s a food option for me for dinner, I’ll go to celebrate someone who loves it.” ~ pdubs1900
“I think OP having autism is irrelevant.”
“What her family did is not right for any person.”
“I am not autistic and don’t like sushi.”
“If my family took me to a sushi restaurant for my birthday because someone going didn’t like my first choice, I would be mad too.”
“And even more incensed if they lied about why they couldn’t go to my first choice.”
“The craziest thing is they didn’t give OP the choice of selecting an alternative place on her own.” ~ Wild-Pie-7041
“OP having autism is extremely relevant.”
“OP ended up having to sneak food she could eat into her own birthday dinner because they chose something that wouldn’t accommodate her sensory issues, which are part of her autism.”
“Her real food restrictions were ignored in favor of her S[ister] I[n] L[aw]’s dislike of shrimp and prawn smells.”
“You’re right that it’s messed up in the first place, but it’s even more f**ked because the birthday person couldn’t even eat food from the restaurant that the liar picked due to an actual medical reason (autism and sensory problems).” ~ i_need_jisoos_christ
“NTA. I’ve traveled a ton over the years, and Chinese is one of my go-to options.”
“As well as being part of how I judge how much I like a particular city… I’d I can’t find decent Chinese, I think a little bit less highly of a city!”
“I’ve never been to a quality Chinese restaurant that had even a little bit of any sort of fishy/seafoods smell to it, except after I receive my food (If I order seafood).”
“She sounds exhausting, and your brother is pathetic for what has to have been going along with her lies… no way he didn’t know if they’re living together.”
“And speaking of smell… tuna is definitely a fish-smelling seafood, and it gets everywhere.”
“So she’s lying again about that.”
“She just didn’t want Chinese food, and didn’t have the courage/integrity to try to get her way by being honest.” ~ bloodfeier
“NTA. I also need someone to explain to me how a Chinese restaurant smells more like seafood than an Italian restaurant????”
“Am I the only person who is super confused by this?”
“I do not associate Chinese food with the smell of seafood the way I do Italian.”
“When I eat Italian it’s basically all seafood.”
“The entire country is basically a shoreline!” ~ mstwizted
“NTA. Ok, Vicky exaggerated by calling her dislike of seafood smells an allergy.”
“That makes her an AH.”
“At the same time, there should be a Chinese restaurant without seafood or without much seafood on the menu that would be acceptable to Vicky.”
“By the way, many people use the term ‘seafood’ to refer to lobster, shrimp, prawns, squid rather than fish.”
“Not technically accurate I know, but it seems like that’s what Vicky meant.”
“But OP’s real problem is her parents.”
“They are major AH. OP is autistic.”
“That’s a bigger deal than allergies.”
“It’s OP’s 18th birthday celebration and they insist on going to the restaurant the S[ister] I[n] L[aw] wants and OP hates because of her autism.”
“Why wouldn’t they at least pick a restaurant that worked for both OP and SIL??”
“Why only pick SIL’s choice of restaurant?”
“And the parents need to stop downplaying OP’s feelings.”
“If this happens again, OP, refuse to go.”
“Don’t let yourself be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do or go.”
“Your parents need to be more flexible about accommodating your food preferences, and because of your autism you need to stand firm on your preferences.” ~ Direct_Gas470
Well OP, Reddit is firmly in your corner.
You should be able to celebrate your 18th birthday however you choose.
Sounds like you and the family need a serious heart-to-heart.
Good luck.