Every now and again, who hasn't allowed a friend or loved one to spend the night on their couch?
Sometimes a friend might be in town for just a night and needs a place to crash, maybe a friend had you had for dinner lost track of time, or had a little too much to drink, so it would only be polite to offer them refuge for the night.
But, can one do this too many times?
A recent Redditor certainly thought so, who was becoming more and more perturbed by a regular overnight guest at their boyfriends apartment.
Making things a little more awkward, this regular guest happened to be her boyfriend's mother.
Concerned she might have been overreacting, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for saying my boyfriend needs to set boundaries with his mom?"
The OP explained how her boyfriend's mother had been making a habit of crashing on his couch, a habit which the OP wished she would break.
"My boyfriend (26 M[ale]) and I (25 F[emale]) have been dating for roughly 2 months officially."
"We spend most of our time together, and that includes me sleeping over at his apartment most nights."
"When we first started talking, he was living in a different complex in a different city."
"And it wasn't nearly as nice as the place he moved into."
"But the issue at hand, is that his mom keeps showing up unannounced and just sleeping over?"
"It has now happened on 4 different occasions."
"The first time she slept over, she had been helping him and his brother move into their apartment all day, and was going to continue to help the next day."
"So I kind of just brushed it off and ignored it."
"But then it happened again."
"And again."
"AND AGAIN!"
"Today, being the 4th time."
"She showed up at 3pm to have him help her set up his iPhone, and I'm typing this at 3am because she hasn't left and is laying on the couch, still awake."
"Some other details:"
"Her marriage is fine."
"She lives 25-30 minutes from his new apartment."
"He sees her just as frequently as when he lived somewhere else."
"AITA because I don't want to sleep over when she's sleeping over?"
"Or because I think it's weird that a whole grown a** woman keeps showing up unannounced to sleep on her son's couch?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was overreacting and was indeed the a**hole in this situation.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP had no right to have an opinion on how much her boyfriend's mother spent the night at his apartment, particularly as the couple hadn't been seeing each other for a particularly long time, and that the two of them don't even live together yet.
"This may be unpopular, but a two-month relationship does not give you the right to have any say about his family's presence in his apartment."
"Yes, you can bring it up with him, or yes, you can limit your own presence on the nights his mother is there."
"However, setting any kinds of ultimatums or judgements on the situation, or confronting her yourself as some people seem to think is a good idea, it's not, are things that are not your place and would definitely make you TA."- imaginaryprojects
"YTA."
"Just because she's a whole grown a** woman doesn't mean she isn't his mom."
"Is it a bit odd?"
"Maybe."
"But you have been together 8 weeks."
"Weirder that you think you get a say in the matter."- semcg
"I'm sorry aren't you also a 'whole grown a** woman'?"
"With a whole other place to stay?"
"Assuming it's 4 nights in the past two months and you're with him most nights I really don't know what your problem is?"
"Your relationship is brand new and you want to start dictating how a man can behave with his family."
"Please stay in your lane."
"YTA."- xcapades
"YTA."
"His relationship with his mum is between him and his mum specially since it's also his apartment."
"You can mention to him that you're not comfortable staying over when she does, and figure a way to work around that, but if he doesn't have a problem with her staying over at his house you don't get a say in that."- meancrochethook
"YTA."
"It's only been two months."
"If you are this uncomfortable with his mother sleeping on his couch, at least you know their relationship dynamic this early on."
"Worry about setting boundaries for yourself, like leaving, rather than policing the relationship between a mother and her son(s)."- Xilften00
"Did you even ask your bf if he likes his mom staying."
"Or that he planed to have his mom stay over."
"Also the 1st time she stayed she was helping him move so it may of been easier for her to stay."-Traditional_Theory63
"I would say you are a little bit YTA."
"Understand you find this weird."
"But you only been dating for 2 months."
"And you don't live with him."
"So if he's okay with his mom stopping by."
"Then that's between him and her."
"Now after you date it for a while and you decide to move in with them then that's when you open the lines of communication."
"But until then just learn to deal with it and work around it."
"But do talk to him about it if you feel that uncomfortable."
"But sorry honey you haven't been going out long enough to value opinion."- SnooChipmunks3950
"YTA."
"It's a bit premature for you to ask your bf to set boundaries with his mom."
"You have only been dating for two months and don't live together."
"If you have a problem with his mom staying over, then go home to your own apartment."-level 1
[deleted]
"YTA."
"Simply because you haven't been around long enough to make this an issue and you don't have any claim over his apartment."
"Discuss with your bf directly and ask him if this will be a common occurrence if it bothers you."
"You're too early on to be demanding boundaries in an apartment that isn't yours but early enough to make a decision on whether or not this is something you're willing to stick around for longer term."-ShantilyClad
"YTA."
"Why don't you go home on those days?"- Overall-Hour-5809
"YTA."
"You have been seeing him for 2 months."
"Calm TF down."
"If you try and force him to choose between his mother and youl the chick he has been seeing for two months, he is going to choose his mother."
"And how do you know it is unannounced?"
"Maybe it's unplanned, or last minute, but what makes you so sure that it is unannounced?"-floppybunny86
"YTA."
"His mom sleeping over is a bit weird."
"But I find it weirder to practically move in with a guy that you've only been dating for two months, and think you have any say in his relationship with his mom."
"If you are uncomfortable, you can go back to your own place for the night."-Thesafflower
"YTA."
"And if you're this judge 2 months into this relationship, I shudder to think what you'll be like 2 years in."
"You're protecting whatever insecurities you have onto his relationship with his mother."
"Honestly I think you're the one who stays over far too often for an 8 week relationship."- Lion-Competitive
"Lol."
"YTA."
"you've been in his life for like 5 minutes compared to his mother."
"If your goal is to make his family hate you then good joc."
"This relationship has no future if you think you can control his family when you're barely even his gf."-lucimme
"YTA for worrying about, fretting over, where his mom is sleeping after only two months of dating."
"Just go back to your own place and enjoy your peace."
"Do I think it is odd?"
"Yes, but that is me."
"Do they?"
"That is their business."
"And if he doesn't mind his mom there especially since your relationship is VERY new, 2 months, then you already know how he feels."- NCKALA
Some, however were a little more sympathetic towards the OP, believing that this could be a sign early in their relationship that this simply wasn't meant to be.
"Nah you've been together 8 weeks and discovered that he's not the kind of guy you want to be with."
"Break up."- Starfleet_Intern
"2 months is not nearly long enough for you to think that you get input into his relationship with his mom."
"However, his mom spending the night a couple of times a month when she lives so close is awfully clingy."
"That relationship is much closer than it ought to be and probably not too healthy."
"I wouldn't invest too much into this relationship until you get a better handle on his relationship with his mother."-
The fact that the OP doesn't seem even the slightest bit sympathetic to her boyfriend's mother suggests that she isn't very concerned about making a good impression.
Leaving one to wonder if this relationship will last any longer than two months?
Only time will tell.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.