It's no secret that some of us really struggle with flying. Those who struggle will do pretty much anything to avoid it.
But for one passenger on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, the best solution for their unavoidable flight was to book an extra seat, to give them a little breathing room.
But Redditor BeautifulChemist6017 realized it wasn't going to be so simple when the flight turned out to be open-seating.
Later, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for standing up for themselves.
They asked:
"AITA for not letting a woman have the seat next to me on the plane?"
The OP recently had an unavoidable flight.
"I recently had to fly across the US to deal with certain company matters. My company apologized profusely to me because I am terrified of flying, but seeing as it would have been a 25 hour drive, I obliged."
For a little extra space, they booked another seat.
"For the trip, my company paid for my seat, but I decided to also reserve the seat next to mine. Again, this is an anxiety issue."
"I would have fit just fine into my seat, but if I needed to vomit/started to get panicky, at the very least I wanted to have a buffer between myself and the next person."
"I had an aisle seat in a three-person row, and people were shuffling around changing their seats before takeoff. I do not know how it works, but apparently, people can occasionally just sit down wherever they want and the flight attendants don't have to deal with it?"
"The seating arrangement was me - open seat (mine) - a teenage girl I'd place around the 7th grade."
The OP wasn't the only person who wanted that seat.
"Right before we started getting taxied, a middle-aged woman abruptly sat down in the middle seat and fist bumped the teenage girl."
"Immediately I told her that I had reserved that seat, and she started by being very considerate."
"She quietly told me she was getting away from a bad situation, and really wanted to sit next to her daughter. During this explanation, she repeatedly pointed out her daughter sitting next to her, as if I would be a monster for depriving her of that seat."
"I stuck to my guns though and told her that I would get the cabin attendant if she didn't go back to her seat several rows back in the middle."
"She called me on my bluff, so I flagged one down. He asked if I really needed the middle seat (?????) and I said yes."
"Then he politely asked the woman to move, which she did, but not before calling me a 'd**khead.'"
The OP had mixed feelings after the flight.
"Since she did this rather loudly, several people were clearly looking at me, and I couldn't really read what they were thinking."
"I kind of feel bad about it now, and after arriving safely I wonder if I should have just given up the seat."
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors said the OP had a right to the seat after paying for it.
"I understood that by reserved, you paid for the seat. If you did you are NTA. I don't get why people don't check seats before getting on the plane and choose with time how they are going to be seated, they feel entitled to bother everyone" - pioroa
"Should you have given her the seat then potentially barfed all over her? No, though it might have been a good lesson for her." - Chauntalauve
"NTA. You should have told her why you bought the extra seat, because you don't like flying and might vomit on the person next to you. I bet that would have got her back in her seat quickly!" - biananevenc
"While an explanation might be nice, OP is in no way required to give an explanation. All she has to say is I paid for two seats, and I am getting two seats." - chop1125
"I will also say, like, as someone with anxiety on planes, having extra space MAJORLY reduces that anxiety. OP is doing a good job taking care of their needs and I fully empathize." - felixkahns
"Not just bought, but likely paid extra to choose specific side-by-side seats."
"NTA, and who cares what a bunch of strangers on a plane you will never see again think. You've done nothing wrong. None of them will give it a second thought the next day." - hopelesscaribou
"I will never understand why airlines think it's ok to ask customers who PAID EXTRA to give up that extra and not receive a refund." - Willowgirl78
Others questioned why the mother and daughter couldn't find another solution.
"Why not ask the person next to her if her daughter could take their seat and they could move next to OP and even have an empty seat in between? It seems like an obvious solution."
"Chances are another person would take them up in the offer for a window seat with an empty seat next to them." - ProbablyNotADuck
"I have flown with my kids before."
"Due to custody stuff, it's difficult to purchase three tickets at once."
"I don't know how many times we check in with and aren't sitting next to each other."
"I always stop by the gate agent. I've always been able to get seating assignments changed and sit next to my kids."
"Either this airline doesn't do seat assignments (Southwest), or the lady didn't bother trying to talk to the gate agent."
"NTA." - taws34
"I understand wanting to keep the family closer together, but if you paid extra for more legroom (my husband is 6'9, I understand your pain with how cramped seats are) and are in an upgraded seat, sometimes I wish they wouldn't even ask." - gottabekittensme
One Redditor offered a unique perspective for all involved.
"NTA!"
"My goodness please do care for yourself (As you have already done), and care for yourself all the way through if you need to."
"That woman was really entitled, and really should not have called you that. I hope anyone who happened to be on that plane and witnessed that to read this and know you're Not the A."
"Why would the Teenage daughter have been the one in a vulnerable spot, she's sitting there fine. That woman also seems feisty enough to handle stuff and call strangers names so she doesn't seem to be in a vulnerable spot either."
"And the attendants were also around to diffuse any rough situations so they could have helped her with any problems she had at her previous seat."
"Also, the seat next to you is paid for by you(r company). It's not like it was a free empty seat and that they 'scored' *fist bump* one of those free seats situations. You know sometimes people just don't happen to get two seats next to each other, so they wait and see if other people vacated theirs to sit elsewhere and they thought that was the case for that middle seat."
"Or maybe you're right, the mother was in a bad situation. But did you hear any commotion behind?"
"Teenage girl, if you're reading this, please understand your mom was 'Stealing'. Ok. I know you live in a dog-eat-dog world and your mom probably is teaching you to take advantage of situations like these."
"But sometimes if you ask it in the right way, and if refused, you back off politely, the world would be a better place. But your mom did it the wrong way and she's the A. Sorry, Teenage girl." - ParticleDetector
It was undoubtedly frustrating for the mother to not be able to sit with her daughter throughout their flight.
But knowing what we know about the OP's flying conditions, it was probably for the best that the mother didn't sit next to them.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.