For weddings in the United States, the best man has traditionally been tasked with planning the bachelor party for the groom.
But at some point, some grooms—and brides—decided they'll plan their own parties and then expect their wedding party to foot the bill sometimes to the tune of a thousand dollars or more.
Not every groomsman or bridesmaid can afford that.
Nor ard all that can afford it willing to shell out that kind of money on a party.
A couple struggling with a groom's big party plans turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Fun_Milk_4560 asked:
"AITA for 'ruining' a bachelor party and uninviting myself to the wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I married my husband 5 yrs ago. For his bachelor night, his best friends took him out to a breastaurant—like Hooters, except it was Mexican food served by women in lingerie—and the 3 split his cheap meal, drink and 1 shot."
"It was pretty underwhelming and only took an hour, but we didn't say anything. These guys were 25, lived at home, no bills and all worked, so they could have done more with the year's notice they had to plan it."
"Five years later, his best man is getting married, and he is the best man for him now. My husband spent months trying to organize ideas for a bachelor night, but in the end, the groom told them he wants exactly this:"
"Everyone to bring alcohol to his home to pre-game, then 2 Uber XLs (on a Saturday night in the most expensive part of town) for the 8 men to go to a Brazilian Steakhouse ($63 per person), then 2 Uber XLs again to a club where they will get two bottles of table service (each bottle of 750ml Skyy Vodka is $300 before tip because a cute girl brings it out), then two more Uber XLs to the Casino where they will rent a room that sleeps four people (for 8 men) for $500/night and spend the night gambling.
"So at this point, we're looking at being out $1-2k upfront, while they 'get us back', and now he's saying he wants to rent the room Friday night as well."
"My husband has agreed to everything but the casino hotel, as he's out of his party phase and wants to come home. So we wouldn't be going in on it either."
"This has apparently ruined the entire bachelor party and the groom called us last night to ask why he won't just go along with everything and then accused us of having money issues."
"The entire wedding party is mad at us now and I've been feeling like I'm going crazy all day. Who asks this of people? I cannot imagine in my dreams ever calling someone and telling them they aren't spending enough money on me."
"Hubby made it clear we're just fine financially, but unlike them, we own a home, they're all childless and we have 3 kids in a ton of extracurriculars. This is how we choose to spend our extra money now."
"On top of this, he still has to rent a suit for a couple hundred, and we still need to get a nice wedding gift, so I feel like this financial ask is out of hand."
"I made a comment the groom heard—while he was guilting my husband over the phone for 1.5 hours—that they didn't do anything for him, so they should be happy we're going in on any of this absurd request."
"So for the next 30 minutes, the groom attacks me and my relationship with my husband. For example, he claims he didn't do anything for my husband's bachelor because he wasn't sure we were going to make it."
"I had been with my husband for 5 years at that point. I, unfortunately, know that he's never liked us, at least not together, which sucks because we're doing well 10 years in."
"So I went ahead and re-RSVP'd for just my husband to attend the wedding and declined for me and the kids."
"I even offered to pick my husband up so he can drink all night with the guys."
"So I've been stewing on this all day at work, so please let me know if I/we are the a-holes for not going along with this entire multi-day expensive bachelor party and bowing only myself and my kids out of attending the wedding."
"They've been best friends since kindergarten, so he's having trouble walking away, and I won't ask him to. But our conversation after we both calmed down was him realizing this pattern of behavior from this particular friend group is toxic and unending, so I think he's about to that point."
"My husband was perfectly fine with me and the kids backing out of attending. The backing out was entirely because of the personal insults to me and my relationship."
"I draw boundaries very clearly when people are disrespectful. There's no grudge about my husband's bachelor party, but I'm not going to pretend they did the same for him when they're asking for my credit card."
"He's not a bad guy overall. We were kind of hoping he'd catch up to us in terms of calming down, but he's trying to keep his party phase alive and well."
"The disrespect for our relationship was news to my husband and this happened last night, so he's still weighing his options on what to do with this."
"They've been best friends their entire lives pretty much, so I know why he's struggling. He's heartbroken to find out his friend has never supported us."
"I'm staying out of that part and just removing myself from the situation because I've said the nicest things I have left to say."
"He's well aware of my thoughts and he's basically at the point where he doesn't want to plan BBQs to include them and that we're on different paths right now. He's still willing to finish his wedding duties, because he cares deeply about this man, but he's not getting the casino hotel no matter what happens."
The OP summed up their situation.
"We are backing out of part of the bachelor party. The groom heard me say they didn't celebrate my husband and then I backed out of the wedding. So am I/are we the a**hole?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the asshole (NTA).
"'...then accused us of having money issues...'."
"AND IF YOU DID? As if you guys not having disposable cash is a problem for THEM. The GALL!"
"NTA. This is not about policing your husband's behavior or being a nag. This is someone who claims to be a friend demanding that your husband shell out an obscene amount of money for one night just to make him happy. Some kind of friend, that is!" ~ slackerchic
"NTA, obviously. He wants 1-2k of your money after putting in zero effort for your husband's party, he badmouths you, insults both of you. Why would you go?"
"You're being downright magnanimous." ~ CuriousTiktaalik
"NTA, but why is your husband taking it? No is no, set some boundaries. My husband would have told this guy to go F*ck himself for disrespecting me at all."
"And spending 1-2k is absurd on someone else's wedding, especially after the disrespect and entitlement to YOUR money, especially with children in the picture. The friend seems like a narcissistic a**hole, is he even a good person?" ~ Relwood01
"Tell him you're not sure if this marriage will last for him, so you'll do just the $63 meal, but will catch the rest on his next marriage…" ~ beached_not_broken
"NTA. You're good, because this dude is a petty child. Honestly, I'm surprised your husband even wants to go now with the amount of disrespect thrown towards your marriage." ~ Optimus_Prime-Ribs
"I like the way you're handling this, including not trying to exert influence over your husband. Well done."
"I suspect he'll come to very similar conclusions in his own time once he's had time to mourn the evident end of this friendship.
"And who knows, the friend may come crawling back, either when he has his own kids, or his wife ditches him because he refuses to grow up." ~ marvel_nut
"NTA. F*ck these types of bachelor/ette parties. Bride and groom need to pay for their own multi-day vacation instead of sticking it on their friends just because they're getting married." ~ andromache97
"NTA. Tell him you'll go to his next wedding. With this many demands for partying, his marriage won't last." ~ akcmommy
"NTA. After the groom's behaviour, I think tapping out of the wedding is a good idea, and then leaving it up to your husband to decide if he still wants to go and still offering to pick him up, etc...—all very reasonable." ~ LousView
"NTA. The groom is acting like a jerk. When you are in a wedding or throwing a wedding, you have to be sympathetic to everyone else's financial situations and compromise. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you get to be an entitled prick." ~ Haunting_Fish5804
It's rare to remain close friends since kindergarten. It sounds like these friends are no longer sharing their priorities in life. And the respect and effort seem only to go one way.
Maybe it's time to move on.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.