Being sick is annoying for anyone, but sometimes, you just have to wait it out and rest while the symptoms dissipate.
That isn't good enough for some entitled people, though, who want around-the-clock care for any ailment, pointed out the eye-rolling members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor pickledphilosopher didn't mind caring for her boyfriend while he had a stomach virus, but she was willing to listen to the doctor's advice and care for him at home while he rested.
When he insisted that wasn't enough and demanded she take him to the ER again, the Original Poster (OP) refused, believing her boyfriend was being entitled and selfish.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for refusing to drive my boyfriend to the ER for no reason?"
The OP didn't want to take her boyfriend back to the ER when he didn't need it.
"My (30 Female) boyfriend (35 Male) has been sick with a virus for the last five days."
"We went to the ER on Friday, because his headache was unbearable."
"We got into an argument earlier today, because he wants to go AGAIN for the drug they gave him for his headache, and I really don't see the point."
"A month ago, I had intestinal bleeding. I went to the ER, and he didn't even leave work to check on me. He offered to come, and I said it was okay. I drove myself there like a big girl, dealt with it, and got home."
"And for the last five days, I have been nothing but accommodating while I have started a new job."
"We were at the ER on Friday from 6:00 PM to 2:00 AM. He was such a baby, complaining that no one was moving fast enough, etc. I had packed him a blanket, noise-cancelling headphones, and eye mask. He had ice packs. I wheeled him around. I honestly thought it was excessive."
"Sure, I can imagine feeling dehydrated, which he got intravenous treatment for, and they gave him a temporary solution for a headache, which was a drug they told me they give to much older people because it's stronger than morphine."
"I also kept his family updated because they were checking up on him. His results came back fine, CT scan fine, blood fine, result: a stomach virus."
The OP made arrangements for her boyfriend's sister to drive him, but that wasn't good enough.
"I have work tomorrow, and it's my second week at a new job. He wants to go."
" I said no problem, let me ask his sister because she was offering, and understands that I just started a new job and wants me to also get rest. She doesn't mind."
"He's like, no, just drive me."
"Why? I firmly, without yelling, said, It's a Virus; give it time. If you want to go, then your sister can take you."
"He got annoyed and now wants to go on his own. Go on then."
"Two times in the ER for a stomach flu? Whatever. There are obvious improvements, he's keeping food and water down and has been getting sleep. The only reason he wants to go again is to get that drug that gave him temporary relief from a headache, which I feel is excessive."
The OP thought her boyfriend was being ridiculous.
"In all honesty, I don't mind mild tantrums, I don't mind changing ice packs every hour, I don't mind helping him get things around that he feels he needs."
"What was most annoying were two things: at ER he was expecting everyone to adhere to his smallest ailments, Waaaaa, I need an ice pack, I want a bed, I want a warmer blanket, waaaaa, get me another pillow, waaaaaa, where is the doctor. Why can't they offer me medicine?"
"And like to a child, I had to explain that there are others who have way more serious conditions than a fucking flu."
"Second, where was my princess treatment when I was at ER a month ago with bleeding? Not even a visit. No one except him even knew I was there and dealt with it, got my referral, drove my bleeding a** home, slept, and went to work the next day."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that this was an improper use of the emergency room and any medical care.
"NTA. He’s an AH for using the ER inappropriately. He’s one of the many reasons the ER wait is so long. At least he should go to urgent care. His primary should get him a script."
"Urgent care won’t give him Dilaudid and a turkey sandwich though (eye roll)." - No_Kangaroo_5883
"Not to mention the fact that he is potentially spreading a nasty virus to people at the ER who are already not well and/or may be put on medication that will affect their immune system. So irresponsible!" - passtheporcupine
"The ER is packed with vulnerable people, and he’s trying to clog up the system for a flu just to get a heavy painkiller."
"Also, his sister literally offered to take him, and he still threw a fit. It’s totally just about control and wanting OP to play nurse." - ChickenPaperwork
"NTA. As a paramedic, this does not sound like an emergency. The emergency room is for emergencies. This is for urgent care or telehealth." - Haywoodjablowme1029
"Patients like him are the reason that people who are genuinely in excruciating pain still struggle to get pain treatment. I get that viruses can cause nasty headaches. My pandemic headaches were some of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. I get that it’s no joke. But it’s also not ER-worthy. It’s one of those things you just have to accept and power through."
"ERs also have people with Sickle Cell, or Lupus (*raises hand*), and/or other “invisible” illnesses, who often get shrugged off as drug-seeking, or not taken seriously and simply given Tylenol because other patients with non-emergent conditions come in looking for a quick fix for the type of ailments that suck, but at the end of the day, just need to be ridden out." - ad_astra327
Others urged the OP to expect better from her relationships.
"'I don't mind mild tantrums.' That's what you say for a toddler, not for a grown a** 35-year-old man." - PeacanAndCashew
"Hold up. He's how f**king old and can't put on his big boy pants? Oh for f**k's sake."
"If he has an addictive tendency or if it runs in his family, keep a close eye on him, just in case." - rora_borealis
"The fact that she has to treat her 35-year-old boyfriend like a toddler is a massive red flag. If he's old enough to throw tantrums, he's old enough to call his sister for a ride." - cardboardshelf54
"NTA. If his sister taking him wasn't a good enough alternative, then he didn't need to go that badly. You did a lot, certainly a lot more than 'him not being able to take off work' while you had to go alone, and it will never be enough." - dinosaurscantyoyo
"Her description of his behaviour genuinely grossed me out. I couldn’t be with someone who said, 'I want a warmer blanket' (in a whiny way at least; asking for a second blanket can be a valid request and even a symptom, coming from a polite person)." - okidokiefrokie
"NTA, but you don't have a boyfriend. You have a very large baby." - beetgutz80
Some were sure the OP was already expecting more from her partner and holding it against him.
"NAH, but you two need to break up. Once you start keeping score like this (and I understand why you are; this sounds insufferable), the relationship is done. Don't waste your time." - PurpleWeasel
"There's a strong tone of resentment, and it's turning into bitterness in that writing. Definitely should leave this baby before it turns worse and starts straining on her even more." - EthelsChutzpah
"ESH. If my partner called me a baby for how I acted while ill, and wrote about me the way you do him in general, that'd be a deal breaker for me."
"I think this is way deeper than just this situation/incident, and some counseling about how you communicate and view each other is essential on both sides." - kiskillingit
"They clearly have very different ideas on how to handle these kinds of situations, which is not uncommon!, But then you can't do this kind of scorekeeping when he doesn't react the same way you do, and you can't agree to help if you're going to get this irritated about it."
"Telling your partner not to bother coming to take care of you when you're sick isn't some kind of toughness token you earn and then get to spend later when he's sick; that's bonkers."
If they're to the point where everything he's doing is pissing her off and making her resentful, it's at the very least time to have a serious talk about her built-up resentment and how to move forward in a healthier way, if there is still a path forward for them as a couple." - anysidhe
The subReddit couldn't help but side-eye the situation, though for more reasons than one.
For most, it was the boyfriend making improper use of the ER and demanding excessive care without reciprocating. For others, it was the OP's obvious resentment and holding her boyfriend's behavior against him.
It seemed the pair was not compatible, at least medically speaking, and if the OP was going to look at her boyfriend this way, she might be better off not dating him.
